How do you deal with the situation where you are invited to play a game, only to find it's wildly complex and takes 4 hours to finish, and you find yourself not wanting to play it within minute 5?

This has happened to me a few times. One I remember was the game Alchemist, where I just sat there confused as hell for 4 and a half hours while three guys were all talking about strategies. Tonight it was Terraforming Mars, where I was told it would be a 3 hour game, but by hour 4 we were halfway done. This time I said “it’s 11pm, I have work in the morning, this will be my last hand” and the host got very passive aggressive with me. I just don’t know what to do in these situations.

^Also is there a word for this? My girlfriend said I was “held game hostage” but I don’t see that used in my searches.^

Update: I sent an apology for leaving early, and he wasn’t too frustrated about it and understood my frustration which was nice. I told him I didn’t think it was my cup of tea since it was so dense, but he kept trying to sell me on the game.

I just gotta learn how to decline with this guy, he is a bit of a “won’t take no for an answer” person, but I’m still learning to be firm with boundaries.

I’m really a 45 minute or less person, and prefer games with like… 5 rules. I have communicated that before, but he really wants me to play the games he loves which I take as a compliment.

He did have me playing Dominion for a while, and that was a time when I just would suck it up and play for his sake since he was going through a divorce. We literally had the parks and rec sketch where I said “I don’t really like Dominion” and he said “what do you mean? You’ve played all the games!”

He housed me when I was homeless, so it’s hard for me to decline things with him since he showed me that huge kindness.

Matte,

anyways Terraforming Mars hardly lasts more than 3 hours. I’ve had games at it that lasted 1h45’. It needs that everybody prepare their turn on other player’s turns, and when it’s up to you, you just execute what you planned.

Matte,

I got the opposite problem. I sit at the table and then get a super easy, super random game that lasts an hour and I just get irritated to waste an entire hour doing something that I feel trivial and random.

I’d rather play a 4-hour complex game but with lots of player agency rather than a 60-minute dice fest.

CileTheSane,
@CileTheSane@lemmy.ca avatar

I would suggest grabbing your phone and quickly looking up the game on BGG before you start to see its length and complexity rating. Would take less than a minute and would give you a broad idea of what you’re in for.

Shyfer,

Do they use the time on the box or user reported game times? Because I often find the game on the box can be very optimistic lol.

CileTheSane,
@CileTheSane@lemmy.ca avatar

BGG is user reported game length and weight. If you’re learning the game you’ll need to plan for it to take a little longer, as the times usually represent experienced players.

roofuskit,

If you communicate a hard stop time and this happens when you say you have to leave it might be time to start declining invitations. If you didn’t communicate a hard stop time and they communicated a much short play time than reality it sounds like you’re both a bit at fault and you two should talk about it.

sunbeam60,

Oh no, another game of monopoly?!

Michal,

Monopoly doesn’t take that long, unless you change the rules specifically to prolong it.

bob_lemon,

The last game of monopoly I played was very much by the rules, and took 4 hours where the winner was statistically certain after 30 minutes.

DragonTypeWyvern,

Funnily enough, that was actually the goal

plistig,

Monopoly has rules?

Lianodel,

Yeah, written in a little booklet and everything. You don’t have to pass it down as an oral tradition from generation to generation!

DragonTypeWyvern,

There’s certainly something to be said for playing Monopoly on a might makes right basis

lightnsfw,

Games usually say how long they take on the box. If it’s too long just decline. If it goes over that usually in my experience it’s because people are fucking around and making it take longer than it should instead of focusing on the game. Which is even more rude than leaving if it gets too late.

wahming,

If it goes over that usually in my experience it’s because people are fucking around and making it take longer than it should instead of focusing on the game

YMMV. In my experience 90% of game time estimates on the box are utter nonsense.

Don_alForno, (edited )

In my experience, game time estimates on boxes are similar to gas consumption of a car given by the manufacturer. Multiply by at least 1.5.

ryathal,

Also double that number if anyone is learning the game. Then if the box lists a per player time of 90 minutes or higher add another half hour per player.

Voroxpete,

I say this as someone who’s a fan of big, complicated, hours long games; 90% of the time, the numbers listed on the box are a total fucking lie.

OK, to be more precise, they typically measure how long the designers - who know every rule, never deliberate over what action to take, always pass priority when they’re done, and never stop to grab a glass of water - think the game should take. And probably don’t include set up time.

CileTheSane,
@CileTheSane@lemmy.ca avatar

I use the times on BGG, as they are submitted by users.

Don_alForno,

I am the person that loves long and complex games. If I have an upper limit for those qualities I have not found it yet, because it must be higher than those of all the players I’ve met.

So, I can’t really answer your question, but I think I can tell you why the rest of the table was pissed off, and maybe that will help you in some way.

You like a certain type of game, but it’s somewhat outside the mainstream, so it’s difficult to find a full group for it and gather them all at the table at the same time. You get excited, you finally get to play the game you have been itching for. You’re really having fun. Your strategy starts paying off. And then you don’t get to see it to completion because one person gets up and leaves. It might be weeks or months before you get another chance. You got your hopes up and then got left hanging. That sucks.

A similar situation is if you talked somebody into a game who didn’t want to play at first and just end up doing you a favor. In my experience, 9 times out of 10 they’re not going to have a good time, and they’ll drag the rest of the table down with them.

But here’s the kicker: After some painful lessons I know those things now. So I don’t nag people about playing with me anymore. I ask once, and then a no is a no. And I don’t invite people who I know have a short attention span to play long games with me. And I sure as hell don’t schedule a game night on a weekday where everybody needs to work tomorrow.

The person putting together the table has a responsibility to curate games that fit the audience or vice versa. Everybody else attending has a responsibility to be transparent about their availability and preferences.

ZDL,
@ZDL@ttrpg.network avatar

I wouldn’t call “I need to go home because it’s 11PM and I work tomorrow” a “short attention span”. The fact that you’re characterizing it as such is … problematic.

Don_alForno, (edited )

I’m not. You are making that connection.

The sentence right after that one applies better to OP.

jol,

I played TF Mars many times and never took that long. Actually I found it to be in my sweet spot of complexity and time. But max 4 people.

But I totally get you. I have this friend who has a very peculiar way of explaining games. He explains the strategy instead of the lore and mechanics. I need to understand the mechanics first not the strategy. And he easily takes 1 hour to explain a game like Mars…

meep_launcher,

Yeah… To be frank he just talked strategy, but in a way that it felt like he was just saying how smart he was, if that makes any sense.

jol,

Yes totally make sense. The way I would TF Mars would be like “so this is a game where we play as corporations trying to develop mars. The goal is to make points by etc etc”. He would explain it like “so there are these cards, cards can have these types, there are these projects, here’s how you can make projects”. The whole time I’d be like “why do I need this?” and everything just makes sense at the end.

Ultragigagigantic,
@Ultragigagigantic@lemmy.world avatar

It doesn’t matter what game you’re playing. You communicated your availability and it ran out. “Hey gotta go, GG”

Then tell them your not interested in finishing the game later

Crack0n7uesday,

I started playing D&D because it takes months to finish a campaign so people don’t mind pausing the game after a certain time and playing once or twice a week.

zarkanian,
@zarkanian@sh.itjust.works avatar

This is why I always do research on the game before playing it. Optimally, I’ll download and read the rulebook, but “let’s play” videos work in a pinch. (Or if the rulebook is a bit obtuse.)

Of course, if you don’t know what you’re playing beforehand, then it’s up to the host(s) to teach you, and it all depends upon how good they are at teaching (and how good you are at paying attention). These situations are obviously much more dodgy, so I try to at least peruse the rulebook a bit and keep it nearby during the game so that I can look up rules during other players’ turns.

Finally, it does get easier. It does take time and energy to learn these more complex games, but the payoff is more interesting and satisfying game experiences. Every time you play, you learn a little more. Of course, if you aren’t getting any enjoyment out of it at all, you might want to stick with lighter games.

Dkarma,

Yeah monopoly sucks

Ultragigagigantic,
@Ultragigagigantic@lemmy.world avatar

That’s the point. Natural end stage of capitalism sucks.

Don’t forget to tip your landed lord during your next monthly tribute!

wahming, (edited )

I just sat there confused as hell for 4 and a half hours while three guys were all talking about strategies

That’s partly on you. If you don’t understand the game, you should probably be speaking up and asking for help to understand it. I’m a seasoned player who wins more often than not, and I will still ask other players about why certain mechanics are the way they are, or if something doesn’t seem to make sense. If nobody’s willing to pause things for 5 minutes to help you understand, they’re a shit group and you should stop playing with them. On the other hand, if they’re trying their best to make you understand, then either:

  • They’re all shit teachers (this is entirely possible, btw) and you need to find out what games will be played beforehand and do your homework before game night
  • Accept that certain game difficulties are way above your head and stick to easier games. This level might change as you play more and absorb game mechanics and strategies.

–

Tonight it was Terraforming Mars, where I was told it would be a 3 hour game, but by hour 4 we were halfway done. This time I said “it’s 11pm, I have work in the morning, this will be my last hand” and the host got very passive aggressive with me.

Nothing wrong with that. Ideally you’d want to say that before the game, but I wouldn’t blame anybody for going into a game with 3 hours and thinking that was enough time. On a side note, Terraforming Mars is one of those games where it doesn’t really matter if a player leaves halfway through, anyway, so they were just being a jerk.

–

you are invited to play a game, only to find it’s wildly complex and takes 4 hours to finish, and you find yourself not wanting to play it within minute 5?

As for your original question: Start asking how complex a game is beforehand, and how long it takes. Simple. You may need to adjust the answers you get according to the person replying you, or check out game ratings on BGG.

solivine, (edited )
@solivine@sopuli.xyz avatar

Terraforming Mars is such a slog even when you know what you’re doing.

Honestly it sounds like you need to communicate expectations ahead of time, and just make it clear you’ll leave after X time regardless, that’s not an unreasonable request. I don’t think you did anything wrong in your example.

bob_lemon,

The game is mechanically much better when the card drafting rule is used, but that easily adds another hour of playtime, which is why I never bother with it.

ZDL,
@ZDL@ttrpg.network avatar

Tonight it was Terraforming Mars, where I was told it would be a 3 hour game, but by hour 4 we were halfway done.

Irrelevant side jest: everybody knows that the Apartheid Manchild always lies about how long things will take.

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