Thanks. I avoid her overall aside from brief visits so my daughter can see her grandmother because she’s so nuts. This morning she told me that I’d probably have to do the lidocaine compound mouth numbing thing the rest of my life. I told her I literally wouldn’t want to live if I had to spend the rest of my life eating food I can’t taste with a numb mouth after tasting something so terrible I can’t even keep it in my mouth for the full minute in the instructions. I told her just thinking about that gives me self-harm thoughts. And then she said, “I don’t know what you’ll do if you get cancer.”
I said, “try everything and if that didn’t work, I would die.”
She said, “it’s highly unpleasant, so how would you handle it?”
I said, “do you think the past seven months have been pleasant for me?” She thinks I could psychologically handle eating without any taste for the rest of my life if I can even eat more than a few mouthfuls with the lidocaine compound. She says I’d get used to it. Like anyone could get used to that.
I wish I had someone else to go with me, but I don’t and I need someone.