Why are there no "adults only" places anymore?

A bit of a rant, pre-sorry but so sad and annoyed right now.

Went to my favorite barber shop today. It’s built on being nice, upscale, and men’s haircuts. They do the works, good cuts, beard trimming/shaping, hot towel, the whole thing, and it’s built to be man’s place, they have a pool table, they have a couple of kegerators, they’ll pour you a whiskey while you wait. Very nice.

(Note I say man’s but really if you’re a woman/any other gender and you like that sort of thing, then awesome. I mean man in the masculine sense)

Until recently this was my favorite place, but apparently it’s gotten on the mom groups online and now the last few times I’ve gone it’s just filled with children and moms. Where I could go and get a whiskey while I wait and find someone to shoot pool with, now kids are literally running around and as for the pool table they’re just throwing the balls around. Meanwhile the moms are either talking with each other or hovering over Bradley getting his hair cut and how cute it is.

On top of it all, because there was a group of them instead of my normal 20 min wait it was almost a 2 hours wait. I just walked out.

I’m just so tired of it, this place obviously was built for adults but god forbid we have any adult places that aren’t “actually meant for children”. I mean obviously it was built for children, there’s 2 kegs and a shelf of nice scotch but yes, bring all of your children here.

How come every place that used to be for adults is now a child zone? My favorite breweries used to be great places to let off steam after work and now I have kids playing tag in the middle of them. I flat out don’t go to movies anymore because even the super late showings are just dumping grounds for inattentive parents to leave their kids. And god forbid you ever mention outside a community like this that you want to drink a beer without a kid running around or you’re literally the devil who should be shunned.

Anyway, this isn’t going anywhere specifically, I’m just really sad, and I didn’t get my haircut today.

Catch42,
Catch42 avatar

I'm sorry that happened to you. Let the business owner know that all of those kids are ruining the vibe that you patronize their business for. Solving this problem could be as easy as the barber shop offering something like a kids day where they don't serve whiskey and instead serve lemonade or something, allowing that day to be the main kids day.

I think you don't see those adult only places much any more because to most they have outlived their usefulness. There are 2 factors behind this. First, there are far fewer children around nowadays than before. When everyone had multiple children, adult only spaces were necessary if anyone wanted to get anything done. The second, and honestly a great thing from a childfree point of view, is that between birth control and abortion, most people who do have kids genuinely want them. I suspect that most of the demand for those adult only spaces in the past was from people who were seeking peace from their own kids. Of course all parents need breaks from their kids, but ever noticed that the people who complain the most about their children are the ones who had them out of obligation rather than desire?

Spiker,

I have a kid and not by choice because even with birth control and abortion in a Christian family community you aren’t left with options.

Catch42,
Catch42 avatar

aw that sucks. No one should have to have kids for lack of real choices. I hope your kid is cute and easygoing.

Seathru,
Seathru avatar

because even with birth control and abortion in a Christian family community you aren’t left with options.

Those are both perfectly fine options. You are your own person, do what you want.

Marine_Mustang,

Sorry to hear, and this isn’t going to help much, but sometimes going childfree can be an economic decision. My favorite place to stay in Las Vegas is Circa, and one of its features are no kids allowed. I don’t mean no small children, or just no children in the casino, I mean no one under 21 is even allowed past the door, ID is checked. Not in the hotel, not in the restaurants, not in the pool. And it’s a great pool.

Dungeondaddyd20,

Too bad it was built non-union

derf82,

It’s the people that changed. It used to be common sense. There were places parents knew that you just didn’t bring kids. But now, parents are taught to be entitled. They demand to bring kids everywhere.

PhoenixRising,

As a parent I don't understand that need to bring the kids everywhere. I don't want my own kids running around while I'm trying to enjoy "adult" activities let alone any one else's.

richieadler,

I’m trying to enjoy “adult” activities

But that’s the point. They don’t want to enjoy adult activities. They want to inflict their own misery to everybody else.

Frog-Brawler,
Frog-Brawler avatar

Yep… can you imagine how entitled the children of entitled parents are going to end up. It’s a bleak future.

harmonea,
harmonea avatar

It's more likely to swing back the other way, in my experience. Entitled parents use their children as a weapon in public, but the attention often stops in private, when the parents want "me time" and still have a burdensome kid to take care of. The kid grows meek and people-pleasing to earn the parent's positive attention and grows emotionally stunted because "crying makes mom and dad mad, emotions are shameful."

It's still an absolute mess of course, but once a parent who shouldn't be a parent reaches a certain level of entitlement, the damage done causes things other than more entitlement.

Frog-Brawler,
Frog-Brawler avatar

Well…. I only feel a little bit bad in saying that I hope you’re right.

Instigate,

I’d suggest that a minor contribution to this would also be stagnating wages; inflation; and increased cost of childcare. Now the ‘adult’ activities we want to enjoy are more expensive; we’re earning less money (in real terms); and childcare is more expensive, leading to a lot of people on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum to be faced with the choice of ‘take your kids or don’t go at all’.

I definitely agree with you though. Western societies have been becoming more individualistic and entitled and that’s likely the biggest cause. I just don’t think it’s the only cause. As with everything in life, the reasons why something happens are usually varied and can rarely be boiled down to one thing.

Landrin201,
@Landrin201@lemmy.ml avatar

Individual selfishness is responsible for… People having children, raising them, and bringing them places?

Am I insane or does that just on its face not make any sense?

Your first paragraph is the actual reason here. It’s too expensive for a lot of parents to get a babysitter, so they need to bring their kids with them if they want to go do something. And for many people like me who work from home (I don’t have kids yet but the point stands) that one night every week or so that we go out to dinner is basically the only time I go to do anything fun outside the house that isn’t working out. When I worked in an office (which I ever want to do again) I’d go out to lunch with coworkers and occasionally do a happy hour after work, but that isn’t an option anymore.

If I had kids we’d be bringing them with us when we go out because it would be significantly cheaper than hiring a sitter for a few hours.

Lauchs,

Individual selfishness is responsible for… People having children, raising them, and bringing them places?

Am I insane or does that just on its face not make any sense?

It has always been cheaper to bring a kid with you to something to hire a sitter.

Previous generations seem to have understood that having kids means you don’t get to do all the things you want to do all the time. Or, doing so will cost however much a sitter cost.

But, as an example, I was in a comically expensive restaurant not too long ago to celebrate a friend graduating law school. (Appies are 30+, entrees range in the 50s and it would be gauche to only get an entrees.) But, even in a lovely place some parents decided to bring their screaming child much to everyone else’s delight. The cost of a sitter would’ve been less than either of their meals, their wine or a fraction of what his suit cost. But they decided to keep that money and inflict their child on the rest of us. To me, that’s selfish.

iNeedScissors67,
iNeedScissors67 avatar

It still blows my mind when I go to a brewery on a fuckin weeknight and there are kids everywhere at 9 pm. I don't get it.

mke_geek,

It’s a lack of respect for others. Bad parenting.

aesthelete,

Stone restaurant and brewery added an array of chicken tendies and there’s kids climbing all over the rocks.

The struggle is real.

TauZero,

Meh. It’s one thing to not like children, but here this seems to have been your real problem:

my normal 20 min wait it was almost a 2 hours wait. I just walked out.

We, uh… live in a society. You don’t get to feel entitled to be served at an advantage over other people. We all have to share all these natural resources and the labor of all these workers. But more people is not a bad thing. What’s next, you gonna complain that all these immigrants are clogging up the line to the drive through, or that all these old people are making you wait long time at the doctor’s office? Everyone is entitled to life. And in truth more people means more workers means more benefit to you and everyone on average.

Yes, you feel that this barber shop in particular was targeted towards adult audience with its shave service and whiskey bar, but apparently all those moms saw something useful in that service too, and more importantly they were all willing to pay for it. If this shop was so exclusive and upscale, then how could those kids even afford it? Yet they are customers too apparently.

I feel that way too sometimes, like when going to the movies - if I pay $20 for a ticket, how can all those kids in front of me cough up the money, when I remember paying $5 per movie as a kid myself? And yet they paid too, so we are all in there together. If I really didn’t want to share space with other people, I could go look for a $50 movie theater with individual “bedroom” cubicles. As could you. You could outspend all those kids and find an even more exclusive and expensive barber service, by appointment-only. I’m gonna tolerate the kids and keep my money. 😂

hywoid,

I understand your frustration. I would be very annoyed if I was in the same situation. We need adult only places that are not nfsw.

scrubbles,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

Honestly if they offered a hair cut at a strip club I’d go there just to avoid kids running around

theneverfox,
@theneverfox@pawb.social avatar

Late stage capitalism, savage capitalism, an overcapitalized society, whatever you want to call it… It’s a bunch of different factors that all eat away at the social fabric that make raising kids easier

Housing is expensive, and people frequently move for a job. It’s pretty unusual to live next door to family, who would often give free childcare. You also don’t get neighborhoods full of young parents anymore - everyone is just living wherever they can afford to

For-profit media - thanks to decades of horror stories (of crimes that peaked in the 80s, but are great for viewership), leaving a child not in the hands of a specific, designated adult is grounds for a CPS visit in a lot of places. You can’t drop them off at the park (even if there are many adults present) or leave them at home anymore, regardless of if they actually need the supervision. It’s one thing if they’re 3, but a 7 year old can generally keep themselves alive pretty well, especially if you prepare them for it

Monetization and over scheduling - activities for them are paid and have specific time slots. Tae Kwon do is an hour at 6, soccer is 5-7… If you’re late you need to find someone to watch them. And most of that requires money and a big time investment because of car culture

Babysitters are the exception, but they’re either rare or expensive. Minimum wage isn’t near enough for teens to want to do such a crap job (parents often treat them like crap and expect a lot more from them now), and teens are less trusted. They even have certifications for teens that are a few hundred bucks to teach them what to do in an emergency - basically the heimlich maneuver, how to change a diaper, and when to call 911. Adult professionals have regulations to meet, and are a significant cost

Finally, we’re pushed hard to be individuals that can be interchangeable and portable labor. Outside of family, we don’t have the same tight bonds of friendship our parents or grandparents did… And even family doesn’t mean what it used to

AGodDamnGhost,

Yeah, I don’t buy that humanity has drastically changed all of a sudden. It’s the circumstances that are different and we’re all paying the price.

Notyou,

People normally adapt to their environment. Having goals of a close social network and a tight family isn’t important to the environment of the USA (probably most of the world). This environment is to use you up and make as much money off your labor as possible with giving you as little as possible.

That doesn’t leave much left over for you to focus your energy and time to your family, friends, and social gatherings.

theneverfox,
@theneverfox@pawb.social avatar

I mean, yeah? I just listed a bunch of circumstances

Humans are the most trainable animals we know of. The differences are due to the systems we’ve built - humans aren’t much different, but the way we organize has changed rapidly

conditional_soup,

As someone who has kids, it’s a fucking Act of Congress to get child care. I wouldn’t trust my parents to watch a potted plant, and her parents really aren’t interested in the whole grandparent thing. Hiring a babysitter is both sketchy and expensive, and asking a friend is awkward since

  1. most of our friends are nokids and/or not super comfortable around kids and our kids were deeply blessed by the ADHD fairy and have never met a stranger in their whole lives. And
  2. We don’t see our friends often, so “hey, wanna come over and watch our crazy heathens try to beat the shit out of each other every 3.5 seconds?” Is kind of a hard sell.

So, it’s just easier to take them everywhere, and if we can’t take them, we don’t go.

scrubbles,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

Ah, so just to recap, you chose to have kids, they made socializing difficult, and now everyone else has to deal with your “crazy heathens”.

These are reasons why people choose not to have kids, not reasons to justify ruining other people’s times because you decided to have kids and it had predictable outcomes.

conditional_soup,

The question asked, I answered. To be clear, we didn’t specifically sit down and plot to make you and other people miserable when we decided to have kids. Also, we don’t let them run wild, which usually results in us just leaving because they’re going to start melting down over not being able to go harass strangers who just want to be left alone. Besides that, we try to avoid adultier venues, but sometimes shit happens. When I say we normally don’t go unless we can take them, the emphasis is on the ‘we normally don’t go’. We kinda figured that the grandparents would at least be able to help, as has been the case for millennia, but it turned out that my mom has all the parenting skills of a pair of scissors and her parents want almost nothing to do with it. I’ll save you the sob story and just say that it’s been fucking difficult, and sometimes it feels like my brain is going to melt out of my ears; we’re not fucking sitting around laughing about ruining your night out, and that’s even if we do go out, which we usually don’t.

postmateDumbass,

Maybe take them to kid oriented places at first until they learn how to handle themselves around others.

Chuck E. Cheese, McDonalds playland, etc.

Then your Denny’s, Chillis, Marie Callendars, Applebees

Then nicer places if they dont cause problems.

conditional_soup,

We try to avoid adultier places if we can help it, but sometimes there’s no helping taking your kid to the DMV and just having to get your shit chewed out by the security guard. In general, though, we just avoid unnecessary trips out.

Cloudygrey,

The other night, my SO and I went out for dinner at a nearby place and there was literally a group of kids running laps through the tables while the parents just looked on.

No way am I saying don’t get your kids out for dinner but atleast enforce basic courtesy applicable in public spaces!!

scrubbles,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

That’s where you take them to Applebee’s, somewhere where I’d expect kids to be running around. They shouldn’t, but I expect it. Fine dining no way should they be in that position

Perhaps,

I have two kids- 7 and 8. Sometimes I want to get away from them (and everyone else’s kids too). If I had a spot like you described and it got co-opted I’d be pissed.

Ultimately it’s up to whoever owns the business though. I’m guessing the two hour waits mean more money for the business owner and barbers that work there.

Drusas,

Because most people have children eventually. The rest of us are in the minority. Businesses want as much patronage as possible, so they don't target us.

pizza_rolls,
pizza_rolls avatar

I wish there were more adults only places/days. I am autistic and children are very overstimulating. Plus I like doing childish things so.... Gimme a no child night at an arcade or mini golf or something and I would be there so fast

scrubbles,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

Agreed. God help you if you want to have a special date night at a mini golf place. Oh you wanted to have a romantic night? Sorry billy and Jimmy are going to just push you aside while they play. Their parents dropped them off and won’t be back for an hour

bandario,
@bandario@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

It could be argued that these are children’s spaces and you should have no expectations of it being free from children, or romantic in any way.

OpenStars,
OpenStars avatar

There are some people whose idea of compromise is when the other party does what they say. Note: that was something explicitly said in USA politics at some point, but I honestly see it on both "sides", and surely happens in many other places in the world as well. I've seen parents literally lift up urine-soaked & still dripping children from non-plastic seats, only to either not leave a tip at all or like a bare minimum 10%, while leaving ~50-fold more mess spread out everywhere than any other table in the place (and not even tell the servers about the urine, which would need special cleansers to not become embedded into the furniture). My point is that it is not the children - the innocents - it is the parents, who are inflicting their choices onto you. And I suppose the owner too, but they are customers and what, are they supposed to just turn them away? Like gentrification, they come in and you can gtfo b/c they own the place now (childification?:-P)

Oh wow, it just struck me how much your story parallels what happened on Reddit too... aside from spez's antics, I likely would have left it anyway b/c all the children were taking over there too (they definitely are in charge of so many Discord servers). You can fight back (talk to the owner), or you can leave (maybe there is a place to get a haircut inside of a place of employment, where children are less likely to visit? or perhaps if you travel further away?), but definitely pick your battles b/c the kids, and more importantly their parents, aren't going to disappear anytime soon - if anything, the sort that you are talking about seem to be getting bolder all the time.:-( Maybe this is why people go to country clubs, to filter them out?

Ragnell,
Ragnell avatar

Because mom groups are filled with awful, awful people who don't care how their behavior affects others.

scrubbles,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

It’ll be fun! We’ll take Jayden kaiden and Brayden and go get everyone hair cuts and we’ll get a chance to catch up!

Just please take them to great clips or something

tikitaki,
tikitaki avatar

if you wanna play pool and drink whiskey just go to a pool bar. i've never seen a kid at the billards hall i frequent

kids don't drink beer and play pool

kids get haircuts

scrubbles,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

That was not the point at all, but I think you probably knew that

As mentioned in other comments, I go to this one barber because it’s the one of 30ish that caters specifically to adults. The other 29 are all very family friendly. However, knowing that, faced with 29 family friendly barbers and 1 not, people like yourself still are upset that the one is supposed to be adults only and try to flip it around on me that I’m the bad person for having the gall of wanting a quiet hair cut.

No, I’m tired of this argument. Parents already have the vast majority of places they get to take kids for. I’m tired of being the villain because I like having one option that isn’t kid friendly. Not all of them. Not half. Not even a few. I apparently don’t even get one place where I can sit quietly and get a haircut without a child running around.

sadreality,

You are getting upset about something that you zero recourse against.

Literally they have a right to go there as much as anyone unless owners kick them out...

scrubbles,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

I never said they weren’t allowed to be there. They have a “right” to be there.

But choosing to go to a place that is focused on adults when the other 95% are catered to families is entitled behavior.

I don’t go to Chuck e cheese and get upset that it’s family oriented, there are plenty of other options that are not family oriented I can choose to go to. I have the complete right to go there, but it’d be entitled of me to choose that place and want them to change their atmosphere for me.

NoIWontPickaName,

Ironically you can not go to chuck e cheese if you are under 18 and not accompanied by an adult

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