I feel like this is an extreme reduction of actual communication impediments and/or preferences. I, personally, have a lot of anxiety about my real-time verbal communication. I grew up in a time well before texting, and yet, making phone calls continues to be difficult for me. I do it constantly at my job, but no level of experience has taken that anxiety away. You may call that emotionally stunted, but what makes it so? It seems to me to be a reasonable reaction to the world we live in and the energy that is required to engage.
I am a great public speaker, assuming that I’ve had time to prepare. The difference for me lies in the reaction time. When I send a text or email, I don’t have the pressure to respond instantly which allows me to create a well thought-out and appropriate response that often provides an actual solution to the problem presented instead of stilted responses about how I’ll look into that and get back to you. You never know what someone is going to bring up, so you don’t always know how to prepare. Some people are better on the page than they are verbally. Personal relationships with the person on the phone make it easier, but not as easy as a text message.
You sound like an extroverted person. Do you feel energized after talking to others? If so, that’s great, but remember that for others, where you gain energy, they lose it. Communication and engagement are exhausting for many people. Some people are very good at quick responses, but that doesn’t mean that they are right. It doesn’t mean they are wrong either, but not everyone has that particular skill set, just as others aren’t as skilled at writing.
To say that people are emotionally stunted or socially immature because they prefer one method of communication over another implies that your method is the best method, and all others need to conform. Why? It’s a preference. Neither is wrong, and forcing others to conform to your arbitrary standards is both silly and impeding for many. Telling people to buck up doesn’t solve the issue, and just makes it seem like a personal failing when likely these people just actually give a crap about their social standing and don’t want to put their energy into a verbal battle with someone who thinks they are great at this aggressive version of conversation.
And no, not all conversations are aggressive, but many of us have learned that it’s more common than you’d expect and that it’s extremely difficult to participate in such a conversation.
My point here is that you shouldn’t minimalize people because they don’t prefer phone calls. Most of the time, we’re competent adults with different preferences, and an ad hominem attack is completely unnecessary, just as an attack on your grammar would be similarly unhelpful and pedantic. Success is not built on or defined by your personal preferences.
I’m 100% behind this, but only because I moved and kept my old number so my area code no longer matches where I live. Unknown numbers with a local area code, there’s a good chance it’s the library it plumber calling me back about something I’ve already forgotten asking them about.
I have several counter-arguments to your statement.
Firstly, I do not know who is calling me. We here don’t share phone numbers with people unless it’s a delivery service or family, and generally we use messengers like Telegram, where sharing phone number is not necessary at all, and most of the time people here don’t share it. When someone is calling me, 99% of the time it’s a scam call, useless advertisement, or some automated bs.
Secondly, I do not respect someone taking my own time when another person feels like it. There is a reason for planning meetings at work ahead of time so that you can adjust your schedule accordingly. And phone calls ignore anything you have planned and can throw you out of your schedule for a minute or 30 minutes, you never know. I also consider texts much easier to understand if it’s worth reacting right now or later. If I have a notification, I can know if I should react to it now or if I can postpone it for later. Most of the time calls aren’t an emergency.
Thirdly, texts allow discussions to be asynchronous, meaning if I receive a question, I can think about an answer and search for something before spitting out my response. This is usually much more productive than sitting on a line and thinking about something in real time.
Texts also give you an option to attach additional context. No more “I’ll send you a link”, “I’ll show you a pic” or “I’ll check it after the call”.
It’s not about hating calls or whatever. It’s more about the fact that texts are much more flexible and productive.
I personally preffer someone calling me rather than texting. I hate reading and the tone of the voice helps a lot to detect when someone is sarcastic or not. It is also faster. The only bad thing is that you have to specifically record in case soneone says something you need to remember.
Another bad thing is you both have to be ready and available for communicating simultaneously. Which is sometimes no big deal, sometimes a deal breaker.
Why, though? Serious question, why is it so hard to have a conversation with a person? I am introverted, I don’t socialize much, I wouldn’t be able to walk up a pretty girl and ask her out, but making a phone call? I don’t see the problem.
Please don’t get me wrong but it’s very hard not to see this as a “get over yourself” problem. I pushed myself “over myself” many times when needed, “call that girly that you like, just effin do it!”
Introverted is one thing, but when you have the right mix of anxiety and ADHD it can sometimes feel impossible. But that can also be a motivator to get it done if your brain is in a conducive mindset at the time.
A face to face would be fine, I just find that the shitty quality of a phone call and the fact I can’t see their face or body language completely destroys my ability to both understand and be understood.l and especially my ability to judge their emotional state. Unless I have both written down what I need to communicate and write down everything they communicate I will remember nothing that happened. These aren’t problems I have in a voip call at all, I spend all day in teams calls.
I still make them from time to time, but I will jump at any option to not have a phone call even at extreme inconvenience.
That was my argument with an ex years ago about turning the phone off at night.
‘What if it’s important?’
’ no one ever calls at 3am to say there’s 4 hooker’s, an 8 ball, and 10k cash waiting outside in a limo, it’s always your favorite grandmother died. She’ll still be fucking dead at 8 after I’ve had a shower and coffee, turn the phone off.
Calls are fine but I get irrationally annoyed about voice messages. I hate those!
Calls are still acceptable in most settings (and easily blocked if not) but I won’t turn on my speakers with strangers around.
I hate that how-to questions often are answered by some shitty YouTube video for the same reason (but even when alone I won’t watch your crappy 10 min video for something that could literally be answered by a single sentence).
Calls are fine, especially when they’re social or important. Voice messages are just a way of saying "I don’t respect your time because I’m forcing you to listen to 3min of bullshit until I get to the point, when you could read that information in 10s).
I’m an adult too. There is absolutely no reason for a phone call when it could have been a text. It’s like a meeting that could have been an email. No one likes those.
Only if I’m truly in the middle of something that’s time or focus critical. Otherwise I’m always glad to hear from my friends.
I have a FWB who I text with 99% of the time but awhile ago she texts “Can I call you? I really need someone to talk to.” Of course! It was a joy to talk to her, she lives in the city, I’m out on the farm. Told her she should call more often.
Like the other comment I despise voicemails though. If I don’t pick up, text me. That’s even my voicemail message now… And still people leave voicemails 🤬
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