I keep coming back to my recently acquired nihilism and deep pessimism about the future. As in, I don't know what to do with my life, because I've got it stuck in my head that everything is fucked and nothing sort of a dramatic revolution will make a difference.
I have this need to make my life matter in some way in some greater context, but I am unable to see a way in which to do that. Everything just seems like it's pissing in the wind.