You are a music teacher. You value function over form. You are consistently short on both time and money and you have no patience for people who waste either one of yours. You drive a 6-year old Subaru with over 100,000 miles on it that's overdue for an oil change. You have a no-nonsense haircut and wear sensible shoes. You haven't been able to find time to practice this week and it's killing you. You have nightly dreams of robbing a bank and retiring to Tijuana.