You are in your late twenties. You have two kids, and a third on the way. Your house is a perpetual FEMA disaster site. You found a peanut butter and jelly sandwich under the passenger seat of your minivan yesterday. A whole ass sandwich. Still in the plastic ziplock baggy. You recycle but you wish you didn't. You have a motorcycle in the garage gathering dust and cobwebs. Your 5 year old woke you up at 3AM last night by bringing you the family parakeet. You do not have a family parakeet.