Squeezer

@Squeezer@lemmy.world

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Squeezer,

I’ve had a couple of women follow me in to public toilets and commandeer aim. I had to muster unbelievable levels of concentration to get it done. Some bit of my brain has never worked at that level before or since.

Squeezer,

I went to a party in the top bit once. It’s just a sort of empty corridor that you can hire. Amazing views down the river.

Squeezer,

The man is in the wrong shoes both figuratively and literally. Literally just seems funnier sometimes.

Squeezer,

Seeing that you’re in the UK I recommend Facetheory. Good products and there’s always an offer code for 20% off. www.facetheory.com

Squeezer,

I used to work for a general builder we all called Nick The Freak. We were in our mid twenties and having a pretty good time of things off site. I used to call up the gaffer and say “Nick man, I can’t make it to the job today, I feel like shit” and he would say- yea Squeezer, Mars is in alignment with Saturn this week. Understandable. I’ve never appreciated bullshit so much.

Squeezer,

I’d add Hey Duggee! It’s a BBC CBeebies thing, me and my kids loved it pre - Bluey, and it still hits a spot.

Squeezer,

He’s right. Get rid of the Tories, then apply pressure to Labour. It’s the only viable option. If anyone has any suggestions on a realistic alternative I’d love to hear it.

Squeezer,

I promise not to use the doorbell, instead I shall announce my arrival by throwing acorns at the door.

Shkshkshk, to science
@Shkshkshk@dice.camp avatar

New research shows that the insects flying around the streetlights are in fact in a living hell that we made for bugs.

@science

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-024-44785-3

Essentially, their tiny bug brains think the light is the sunset, so they keep turning to keep the "sun" at the same angle so they can go "straight." No matter how far they fly, they don't make any progress. They are trapped in this little hell we made just for them, not understanding why they can't get to where they are going.

Squeezer,

One evening I built a campfire to keep warm on the banks of a river in southern France. As the fire got going, millions of moths poured from the trees into the flames. As the numbers increased the flames leapt higher, and the moths became the fuel. The horror, the horror…

Squeezer,

See, I’m not a fan of the royal family, but I’m pretty sure Charles would never talk to that cunt for a second, and for that I give him a tiny shred of respect.

Squeezer,

O cutting board, cutting board, wherefore art thou cutting board?

Squeezer,

“Deny thy counter and refuse thy knife”

Squeezer,

We were standing in the pub, and I’d just bought a round. I gave my mate a fresh pint, and like a complete piss head he let it slip through his fingers. It landed on the floor between us with a thunk, not a single drop spilled. It just nailed the landing, completely solid. Fucking witchcraft.

Squeezer,

This reminds me of when we found we could bulk buy ephedrine over the counter from chemists in sub saharan Africa and go to uninhabited islands off the coast and get messed up. Happy days.

Bug : since the newest update for the web version (I use the browser of brave on an iPad) if i go click into a post so I can read the comments. When I tap back I get a blank screen.

Let me clarify that. Let’s say I tap into the section of news. Then tap into a post and scroll down to see the comments. Then I tap back so I can see the posts in news, I won’t see the posts in news I will see nothing just a blank page. Thankfully I can see the back button so I can tap that and see the different groups I’m...

Squeezer,

Yeah, I’m on the web app and constantly getting a blank feed. Scrolling sometimes fixes it but not always. When I searched for this community to see if it’s just me, I just got blank screen over and over, so had to find a different route.

Squeezer,

Free Marcus, fuck these draconian sentences.

Squeezer,

Just wear a nice snug pencil skirt: no chance of flashing your knickers and it will look great with your heels.

Squeezer,

1 & 2 - as CEO of The Happy Oyster company and Gravel Unlimited lI’m absolutely smashing it financially, even with the terminal lamentations of a million misled oysters in my ears.

Squeezer,

This should be projected on to the side of the palace of Westminster and amplified so loud that all the spineless shitheads in the house hear every single word.

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