@alexanderhay@mastodon.social
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alexanderhay

@alexanderhay@mastodon.social

#Writer of #horror, #fantasy and #scifi #fiction. #Shortstories and (eventually) #novels. Dank Goblin. 3,605th most popular account on Mastodon. Will talk bollocks about #Metal and #Warhammer all day. #WritingCommunity

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alexanderhay, to Eurovision
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This year, voting will open before all the songs are finished. Yes, I'm sure that's transparent and above board.

alexanderhay, to Eurovision
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Another year, another Eurovision. Here follows an increasingly inebriated series of shit-posts as I cover the most contentious contest in years.

alexanderhay,
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This medley of Swedish hits is worthless without Bathory.

alexanderhay,
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Italy fighting off invisible bats with her flag.

alexanderhay,
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This year, voting will open before all the songs are finished. Yes, I'm sure that's transparent and above board.

alexanderhay,
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Err, given the atmosphere tonight, that trophy looks like an offensive weapon.

alexanderhay,
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Dear lord, these presenters remind me of root canal work.

alexanderhay,
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"I'm sure you already have some favourites already."

Yeah, and one of them has been disqualified.

alexanderhay,
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Ah, Sweden, where they can't even pronounce 'simultaneously' properly.

alexanderhay,
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So, 50 years after Abba, Sweden is being represented by Norwegian twins.

alexanderhay,
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Less "Enter Sandman", more "Enter Ginger Skullet."

alexanderhay,
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Ukraine with a semi-armoured singer who is also the world's least successful lemming.

Meanwhile, her co-singer is rapping whilst wearing chainmail, which must surely be in breach of sumptory laws, or something.

alexanderhay,
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Both lying on the floor now. They can't even be bothered to stay upright.

alexanderhay,
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Germany has already set fire to his living room, so you know this is going to be hardcore.

alexanderhay,
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Non-stop arson now. German Peter Kay is a loose cannon.

alexanderhay,
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Luxembourg decided now was the year to rejoin Eurovision. What could possibly go wrong?

alexanderhay,
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Luxembourg's twin whiptail hair makes her look like a mid-game Resident Evil boss.

alexanderhay,
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Special moment for Playstation 1 fans as that leopard was definitely rendered with one.

alexanderhay,
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Here comes Israel, and she's probably really grateful for the invention of dry ice at this point.

alexanderhay,
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Dancing around the issue? Now that's what I call an unfortunate metaphor.

alexanderhay,
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And now Lithuana, represented by the boy with a cyborg nose.

alexanderhay,
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Yes, Swedish hosts, remind us of when the Netherlands won. Because it's not going to happen tonight!

alexanderhay,
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Spain being traumatically forgettable.

alexanderhay,
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Estonia being a troll job that doesn't realise it's a troll job.

alexanderhay,
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Yes, Graham Norton, do keep reminding us you're not Terry Wogan.

alexanderhay,
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I like how is healing the wounds between Ireland and the UK by having a singer with really British teeth.

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