@alexanderhay@mastodon.social
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alexanderhay

@alexanderhay@mastodon.social

#Writer of #horror, #fantasy and #scifi #fiction. #Shortstories and (eventually) #novels. Dank Goblin. 3,605th most popular account on Mastodon. Will talk bollocks about #Metal and #Warhammer all day. #WritingCommunity

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alexanderhay, to Eurovision
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Another year, another Eurovision. Here follows an increasingly inebriated series of shit-posts as I cover the most contentious contest in years.

alexanderhay,
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Which arsehole assigned to the UK?

alexanderhay,
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Olly Alexander looks like he's hanging upside down. Geddit? His song's called "Dizzy!"

Meanwhile, homoerotic boxers are hurled about the room in a traumatic manner.

alexanderhay,
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An interesting visual concept and well put together, but someone really needs to clean that grout.

alexanderhay,
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Not sure a pugilism theme is all that appropriate for this year's Eurovision, given that so many people want to punch each other.

alexanderhay,
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I love these comedy skits. It's an excellent opportunity to nip off and void one's bladder.

alexanderhay,
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Oh shit, Norway's deployed the traditional instruments.

alexanderhay,
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What's Norwegian for "look at my rotating rock garden"?

alexanderhay,
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Oh no! Italy has slain Chewbacca and is wearing his pelt!

alexanderhay,
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Italy's set looks like the inside of one's brain during a migraine.

alexanderhay,
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Serbia couldn't afford to have the lights on as it frittered away the budget on an enormous Warhammer-style tactical boulder.

alexanderhay,
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Finland is trying to be ironic. It should stick to Moomins.

alexanderhay,
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Finland went from last year's song, which should have won, to this year's song, which should be tried at the Hague.

alexanderhay,
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Was one half of Finland's act meant to be naked from the waist down? Is this an oblique way of admitting it's a load of dangling bollocks?

alexanderhay,
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I really wish they'd change these map graphics, as it looks like all the contestant notions are exchanging tit for tat nuclear strikes.

alexanderhay,
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Portugal's song doesn't know what it's doing, but as the chanteuse says, peace will prevail... Eventually.

alexanderhay,
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Armenia is quite wry and knowing, which is precisely what you normally want during Eurovision. They're practically fighting off the urge to give us a sly wink.

A jolly, jaunty tune. It's DOOOOOOMED.

alexanderhay,
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Cyprus' entry is originally from Australia. She should at least have the decency to have a mullet and a digeridoo.

It's a good performance and a song that actually seems to know where it wants to go. (Unlike some previous songs tonight.)

alexanderhay,
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I suspect Cyprus will do really well this year. After all, nothing contentious has ever happened in Cyprus!

#EuroDrama #Eurovision #Eurovision2024

alexanderhay,
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Switzerland was a fluffy bore.

alexanderhay,
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The host is plugging the Eurovision album and DVD, but you're not allowed to play the Dutch track. Your hi-fi will explode.

The runestone gag was tepid.

alexanderhay,
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Will we be 'raving' about Slovenia's 'Raiven'? At the moment, it looks like she's playing Twister with her dancers, some of whom have turned up in their y-fronts.

alexanderhay,
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And so, Croatia, with a song about 'Lasagna'. He'd better be painted in orange and hate Mondays.

alexanderhay,
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Croatia's effort is like Rammstein having a fight with some New Romantics.

alexanderhay,
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That's a lot of doilies.

alexanderhay,
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Ooh, that was good! Croatia is precisely the sort of act that gets fucked over by the juries, though.

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