@alexanderhay@mastodon.social
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alexanderhay

@alexanderhay@mastodon.social

#Writer of #horror, #fantasy and #scifi #fiction. #Shortstories and (eventually) #novels. Dank Goblin. 3,605th most popular account on Mastodon. Will talk bollocks about #Metal and #Warhammer all day. #WritingCommunity

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alexanderhay, to Eurovision
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Another year, another Eurovision. Here follows an increasingly inebriated series of shit-posts as I cover the most contentious contest in years.

alexanderhay,
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I like how is healing the wounds between Ireland and the UK by having a singer with really British teeth.

alexanderhay,
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Definitely THE spectacle of the night. Crown that witch!

alexanderhay,
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That is the most curious jumper ever, Latvia.

alexanderhay,
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Dons is now bringing the cuirass back into fashion. Why he is doing this in an enormous wheat-o is a mystery.

alexanderhay,
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It's not bad. Ironically, Dons' number reminds me a bit of that Swedish song which won a few years ago.

alexanderhay,
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So, we proceed from someone dressed up like a cyber-hoplite to Greece. Her skirt also looks like it is from the future.

alexanderhay,
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The overall look for Greece is 'bricolage', which is quite fitting given that's what the song is like too. Like those dreams where you're visiting an old shopping centre but then end up being chased by a pigeon.

alexanderhay,
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Which arsehole assigned to the UK?

alexanderhay,
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Olly Alexander looks like he's hanging upside down. Geddit? His song's called "Dizzy!"

Meanwhile, homoerotic boxers are hurled about the room in a traumatic manner.

alexanderhay,
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An interesting visual concept and well put together, but someone really needs to clean that grout.

alexanderhay,
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Not sure a pugilism theme is all that appropriate for this year's Eurovision, given that so many people want to punch each other.

alexanderhay,
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I love these comedy skits. It's an excellent opportunity to nip off and void one's bladder.

alexanderhay,
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Oh shit, Norway's deployed the traditional instruments.

alexanderhay,
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What's Norwegian for "look at my rotating rock garden"?

alexanderhay,
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Oh no! Italy has slain Chewbacca and is wearing his pelt!

alexanderhay,
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Italy's set looks like the inside of one's brain during a migraine.

alexanderhay,
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Serbia couldn't afford to have the lights on as it frittered away the budget on an enormous Warhammer-style tactical boulder.

alexanderhay,
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Finland is trying to be ironic. It should stick to Moomins.

alexanderhay,
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Finland went from last year's song, which should have won, to this year's song, which should be tried at the Hague.

alexanderhay,
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Was one half of Finland's act meant to be naked from the waist down? Is this an oblique way of admitting it's a load of dangling bollocks?

alexanderhay,
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I really wish they'd change these map graphics, as it looks like all the contestant notions are exchanging tit for tat nuclear strikes.

alexanderhay,
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Portugal's song doesn't know what it's doing, but as the chanteuse says, peace will prevail... Eventually.

alexanderhay,
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Armenia is quite wry and knowing, which is precisely what you normally want during Eurovision. They're practically fighting off the urge to give us a sly wink.

A jolly, jaunty tune. It's DOOOOOOMED.

alexanderhay,
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Cyprus' entry is originally from Australia. She should at least have the decency to have a mullet and a digeridoo.

It's a good performance and a song that actually seems to know where it wants to go. (Unlike some previous songs tonight.)

alexanderhay,
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I suspect Cyprus will do really well this year. After all, nothing contentious has ever happened in Cyprus!

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