@dave@autisticnomad.social
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

dave

@dave@autisticnomad.social

Autistic digital nomad, ADHDer, optimist, lover of learning, tinkerer, CTO of a startup.

I live in an RV and travel around North America

Header: Large bus-sized RV with a small blue car parked in front. Palm trees in the background stand tall against the early glow of a sunset.

Profile: Man with glasses and reddish beard standing on a suspension bridge over a gorge

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EVDHmn, to actuallyautistic
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

#actuallyautistic
@actuallyautistic
I had this very odd conjecture thought to my self.

In a sense could there be no such thing as Neurotypical?

As everyone is Neurodiverse.🙄

People are just trying to pretend to do social norms as kids.

People get to adult age, they forget they are pretending.
Get to living
As they get older they don’t care about pretending as much.

Unless they are fundamental pretenders, which are advocates for social norms and traditions.

Perhaps?

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@EVDHmn

Neurodivergence is a fundamental difference in the way someone's brain works and how they perceive the world.

Its called neurodivergence because it accounts for a minority of the population. The majority of the population have brains that work in similar ways, and they are neurotypical.

Neurodivergence is not just a rejection of social norms.

@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo, to actuallyautistic
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

In the series "so that's an autism thing too": difficulties in cooking. I have hard time coming up with the shopping list outside of the routine things which I always check against a list on my phone. It's especially difficult to plan what particular dishes should be cooked in the following days.

Once I got hang of cooking -- which happened after I had turned 30, almost 35 -- I learned to like cooking when there's no rush and the recipe is clear. I even can improvise, albeit on quite restricted range. However, when my spouse isn't around, I default to microwaving things or eating frozen pizzas.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@LehtoriTuomo

I likewise have a hard time coming up with dishes outside a restricted set in my head. I don't find it difficult to plan meals in general, but I do find it difficult to add variety to my diet. We wind up rotating through a list of 20 or so dishes.

I've also come to enjoy cooking in very much the same way as you - when I'm not tired, not feeling rushed, and have a clear plan.

I can't just look in the fridge and come up with a dish on the spot from what I have.

Also can totally relate to default behaviours when my wife isn't around. For me, I fall back on comfort foods that are also low effort: chicken fingers and plain pasta, mostly.

@actuallyautistic

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

I have to admit: I was worried about my trip to Italy. My wife was as well.

It's the first time we've travelled away from home in years - since before COVID - and also the first time since I discovered that I'm Autistic.

I was worried about what unmasking has done to my ability to cope with change, disruption to routine and the chaos and unpredictability of travel.

I used everything that I've learned about being Autistic in the last 10 months, and I actually overestimated how stressful and taxing it would be. By doing so, I planned for a lot of downtime. Taking time off work - and not trying to balance work with travel - has also helped tremendously. It has let me focus on travel and rest.

My wife has a chronic illness, which means she needs just as much - if not more - downtime than I do, which helps avoid conflict between our energy levels and motivation. The pace of our travels seems to work well for both of us.

We planned for two full days in Venice. We spent all day yesterday walking and exploring, and today we're mostly staying in our hotel and recharging. We've both become better tuned to our needs, and we both need this downtime before we move on to the last leg of our trip in Rome.

I do expect this coming week to be a bit more challenging, as I'm returning to work while we're still in Italy. But the last couple of weeks has given me more confidence in my ability to recognize, plan and advocate for my needs, and I'm confident that will carry over into this week as well.

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Susan60

That certainly may be the case, but I think recognizing and understanding your sensory needs and keeping those in mind as you plan a trip will help you mitigate it.

I don't know about you, but in the past we have felt a kind of pressure to see as much as possible, and a sense of guilt from not being outside and experiencing the places we're visiting. Like travel was always something we rushed. We tried to cram as much activity as possible into the time we had.

But slowing the pace and giving ourselves a full day here and there to recover has made a huge difference.

We are spending a week in Rome next week and flying home next weekend. We have full days of activities planned for only 3 of the 6 days we'll be there. The other 3 days are discretionary, and we can use those depending on how we feel - we can go walking and exploring and see some of the sights that are less important to us, or we can stay in our hotel and rest.

I've also learned to just enjoy and appreciate being in a place, without having to be constantly doing things. Simply going out for a meal here is an experience in itself.

@actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@kliplet

Yikes, two weeks of travelling WITH other people? No thanks 😂

Good on you for recognizing your need to have some alone downtime ❤️

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Susan60

We just did an 11 day cruise of Italy and the Adriatic... I have mixed feelings about cruises for that very reason.

On one hand, I like that they give you an opportunity to see a bunch of things quickly. Broad and shallow. I also like that I don't have to think much about where and when to eat.

But, omg the tours. Small group/private tours would be ideal, but they're prohibitively expensive for us.

On top of that, Italy has been, by far, the busiest and most crowded tourist destination I've ever visited, which has made quiet downtime all the more necessary.

@kliplet @actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Susan60

I like and appreciate both approaches. Cruises let us see places we might not otherwise choose to go as a specific destination. They also give us a preview of places we might choose to visit in more depth later.

But... there's just so many places to go and things to see in the world. It's hard to wanna go back to the same place.

We likewise prefer to get off the beaten path where possible. Some of my favourite places we've been have been far off the beaten path.

As great as Pompeii was, we were rushed, and it was incredibly crowded. I kinda preferred visiting Ostia Antica on our own time before the cruise. It's the best preserved Roman city outside of Pompeii, and it's much less crowded because it's not as well known.

I wouldn't choose cruising exclusively over any other form of travel... just that there are some upsides. We got to visit Dubrovnik on this trip, for example, and I'm not sure it's a place we would've planned to visit as a specific destination.

@kliplet @actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Susan60

For contrast, before COVID, we used to spend our winters island hopping around the Caribbean. We'd spend 4-6 weeks in each country, renting an Airbnb and really trying to live like a local.

We spent time in places most people have never even heard of - Dominica and Montserrat, for example - that were by far my favourite places, of which I have the fondest memories.

I think crusing has its place, but it's definitely not the only (and hardly the best) way to travel.

@kliplet @actuallyautistic

dave, to random
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actusllyautistic

Here's another example of masking sensory preferences because they're considered "childish":

One of my comfort foods is PB or Nutella sandwiches. While in Italy, I found a loaf of sliced white bread that has no crust, and I was shocked at the difference in my experience between this and normal bread with crust. It's so much more enjoyable and less stressful to eat a sandwich without crust.

It made me recall, as a kid, forcing myself to eat the crust because I would be mocked and shamed for cutting it off.

Even now, writing this, I feel a little self conscious. Like someone is going to say, c'mon, is the crust really so bad? How can eating crust possibly be stressful? You're being a wimp/making a big deal out of nothing.

In reality, it's a small thing. Yes, I can force myself to eat it. I've been doing that for 30 years. But all of those little small instances of masking add up.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I actually have a very specific way of eating a sandwich to minimize the discomfort of eating the crust.

Well... lesson learned here: find bread without crust back home, or don't feel shamed for cutting off the crust.

LALegault, to random
@LALegault@newsie.social avatar

Okay, which #ActuallyAutistic #Maritime enthusiast can explain to me (at length even!) how the American #Gaza aid pier floated away? I am fascinated.

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@shiri

My understanding of the history of the ActuallyAutistic hashtag is that it is, in fact, intended to be a space only for Autistic people, exclusive of Allistic (non-Autistic) people, to discuss and share our experiences and to support each other.

Contrast this with, for example, # Autism or # AskingAutistics or pretty much any other hashtag with the word Autism or Autistic in it.

ActuallyAutistic has a very specific meaning and history behind it.

@actuallyautistic @gaveen @LALegault @fishidwardrobe

dyani, to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

I can tell when I need to lower the volume of something I'm listening to when I feel a kind of tightening in my ear muscles, and/or ringing in my ears, or a slight feeling of stress coming in from my environment.

I also just try to remember to always proactively lower the volume a couple ticks from what i first set it at, to prevent all those sensations.

What are the signs for you that things are a little too loud?

@actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@dyani I can't think or focus.

Usually when I'm on road trips, I've got the music up loud. But as soon as I get off the highway and need to start paying closer attention to where I'm going, I need to turn the music down so I can focus on navigating.

@actuallyautistic

dyani, to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!

@actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@dyani
omg I missed it! Happy autism day!!! ❤️❤️

It's in my calendar but this week has been nuts wrapping up work before vacay. I even thought of it earlier this week and reminded myself to send you a message 😭

@actuallyautistic

dave, to Excel
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

I built (and, more importantly, released!) a thing!

It's very early stages but it's actually functional.

It's a Vue.js plugin for building Excel Add-ins. Such broad appeal, I know.

https://github.com/demsullivan/vue-excel

This project is actually a byproduct of another big thing I'm working on.

Currently, I use YNAB for budgeting, but I've been putting sustained effort into getting my data out of the cloud and self-hosting everything.

I started researching options for budgeting software, and I really couldn't find anything I liked or that felt like it had enough features.

I decided, then, to just whip up something in Excel... which led me to the discovery of Office.js and the ability to build Add-ins for Excel using web tech.

Thus, vue-excel was born.

I may eventually release my budgeting tool for Excel, when it's feeling a little more mature and stable. Stay tuned... ❤️

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Saw this at the pharmacy and picked it up... curious to see what it says.

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

I finished reading this magazine I picked up last week. Overall, I didn't learn much I didn't already know, but I'm incredibly satisfied and impressed to have found such neuroaffirming content in the mainstream.

Ultimately, it felt like it was written by allistics, but ones who had spent a ton of time in communities and understood, to the best of their abilities, the neurodiversity movement.

ABA got about 100-150 words of coverage in a 90 page magazine, and was referred to as "controversial" but also "the oldest and most researched" form of therapy for Autism. I'd much rather it didn't get any coverage at all - or called "totally unacceptable and unethical" - but I can also imagine that the writers might've wanted or needed to be impartial.

On the whole, the magazine reinforced the idea that Autism is not an illness, and that supporting an Autistic loved one should be about understanding and meeting their support needs and not forcing them into neurotypical norms.

It came across as a crash course in neurodivergence, and many of the ideas and beliefs I've discovered in the community here were reflected in it. And that makes me incredibly hopeful for the future of neurodivergent folks. ❤️

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