@dave@autisticnomad.social
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

dave

@dave@autisticnomad.social

Autistic digital nomad, ADHDer, optimist, lover of learning, tinkerer, CTO of a startup.

I live in an RV and travel around North America

Header: Large bus-sized RV with a small blue car parked in front. Palm trees in the background stand tall against the early glow of a sunset.

Profile: Man with glasses and reddish beard standing on a suspension bridge over a gorge

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dyani, to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!

@actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@dyani
omg I missed it! Happy autism day!!! ❤️❤️

It's in my calendar but this week has been nuts wrapping up work before vacay. I even thought of it earlier this week and reminded myself to send you a message 😭

@actuallyautistic

dave, to Excel
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

I built (and, more importantly, released!) a thing!

It's very early stages but it's actually functional.

It's a Vue.js plugin for building Excel Add-ins. Such broad appeal, I know.

https://github.com/demsullivan/vue-excel

This project is actually a byproduct of another big thing I'm working on.

Currently, I use YNAB for budgeting, but I've been putting sustained effort into getting my data out of the cloud and self-hosting everything.

I started researching options for budgeting software, and I really couldn't find anything I liked or that felt like it had enough features.

I decided, then, to just whip up something in Excel... which led me to the discovery of Office.js and the ability to build Add-ins for Excel using web tech.

Thus, vue-excel was born.

I may eventually release my budgeting tool for Excel, when it's feeling a little more mature and stable. Stay tuned... ❤️

#Excel #OpenSource #Vue #Javascript #Typescript #Budgeting

theaardvark, to Autism
@theaardvark@mastodon.me.uk avatar


How does everyone know how, when and how much they're masking?
As a late-diagnosed , I struggle to differentiate between "me but masking" and "me but in a diff situation".
Now that I know I'm autistic, I even miss the person I used to be in some situations before I knew.
I used to call myself a "social chameleon" - I just changed automatically to suit the circumstances.
But who actually am I and what is just a mask?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@theaardvark

That, as they say, is the million dollar question. We're all out here trying to figure out that same thing ❤️

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Saw this at the pharmacy and picked it up... curious to see what it says.

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@adelinej Same. It strikes me as odd to use the word "treatment" in the same context as neurodiversity.

@actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@pathfinder @adelinej

I skimmed the "treatments" section, and interestingly ABA got two short paragraphs across about 5 pages of stuff ranging from various therapies, medications for cormorbid conditions (depression, OCD, anxiety), lifestyle suggestions, etc

I'd rather it didn't get a mention at all, but I guess it behooves the authors to be thorough and cover everything.

@actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Aerliss @adelinej

Ha I was just skimming the treatments section in the magazine and found mostly the same thing. ABA got a very brief mention amongst a bunch of lifestyle and therapy options

Though ABA was not called the gold standard here... just "the oldest and most researched behavioural therapy.

@actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I'm actually fairly impressed with this magazine so far.

It leads with a brief history of Autism as defined by the DSM, from 1980 onward, then introduces Autism as a form of neurodivergence, and speaks to the paradigm shift behind Autism acceptance.

The next article leads with more detail about neurodivergence: "With this shift, practitioners are no longer treating neurodivergence inherently as an illness. They are instead viewing it as a group of different methods of learning and processing information, some of which become disabilities in an inaccessible and ableist society."

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

"Self-diagnosis is a valid form of identification and is often the only accessible diagnostic avenue for many marginalized people."

Wow, I really didn't expect to see this acknowledged in this magazine.

I feel like the word "treatment" was used on the cover intentionally to give the magazine broader appeal. The fact that the first handful of articles discuss neurodiversity and neurodivergence as a natural form of human diversity is incredibly satisfying and gives me hope. It's like this magazine was designed to educate people who don't know anything about neurodivergence.

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

I finished reading this magazine I picked up last week. Overall, I didn't learn much I didn't already know, but I'm incredibly satisfied and impressed to have found such neuroaffirming content in the mainstream.

Ultimately, it felt like it was written by allistics, but ones who had spent a ton of time in communities and understood, to the best of their abilities, the neurodiversity movement.

ABA got about 100-150 words of coverage in a 90 page magazine, and was referred to as "controversial" but also "the oldest and most researched" form of therapy for Autism. I'd much rather it didn't get any coverage at all - or called "totally unacceptable and unethical" - but I can also imagine that the writers might've wanted or needed to be impartial.

On the whole, the magazine reinforced the idea that Autism is not an illness, and that supporting an Autistic loved one should be about understanding and meeting their support needs and not forcing them into neurotypical norms.

It came across as a crash course in neurodivergence, and many of the ideas and beliefs I've discovered in the community here were reflected in it. And that makes me incredibly hopeful for the future of neurodivergent folks. ❤️

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Holy shit, it's already been four weeks that I've been hyperfixating?

What the actual hell?! When did it become March?

At least I'm managing it this time around. At first, I felt hopeless. I felt like hyperfixation might not be manageable, Like it's an uncontrollable feature (or bug?) of my brain that I have no say in. That's an incredibly frustrating feeling.

But, it seems like I've found some tools that are working to some degree. Tools that are helping me find balance, manage my energy, and avoid burning myself out on my fixation.

Maybe there's hope that it's manageable and sustainable, if not completely controllable. That I can feel healthy and balanced while achieving deep and prolonged focus. I used to think those concepts were mutually exclusive.

Maybe not.

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Who knew it was possible to hyperfixate on TWO things simultaneously?

Not me.

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

What do the terms "hyperfixation" and "hyperfocus" mean to you?

I've seen these terms used interchangeably. I'm writing a blog post about hyperfixation coping strategies, and I want to make sure I'm clear on how I'm using these terms.

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I appreciate all the responses 💚

Here's how I define and differentiate the two:

Hyperfocus is when we fall into an intense and deep flow state. When we're hyperfocused, we lose track of time. We forget to eat or drink water. We also usually get superhuman amounts of things accomplished. Hyperfocus is a state of mind, and is limited in scope to a single session.

Hyperfixation is a longer term phenomenon. It involves obsessive and intrusive thoughts about a thing, and repetitive hyperfocused sessions. It's usually accompanied by intense feelings of joy and excitement. It can last days, weeks, even months.

Hyperfixation is not all rainbows and unicorns, though. Which is what I'm struggling with, and what I'm writing about.

Does this resonate with you? Do you experience these things?

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@FrightenedRat

I really like the way you distinguish between the two as a matter of intensity and choice. In particular, that hyperfocus is a choice, and hyperfixation is not.

Then you throw in Autistic inertia - which I find is more intense when I'm hyperfixating - and it's a struggle all around.

@actuallyautistic

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@FrightenedRat

That being said, I have felt in the past that hyperfocusing on a project every day for weeks, and dropping "lower priority" things, was a choice... and in retrospect, I'm not sure it was. I suspect that it was actually hyperfixation making a project seem so exciting and fun, that even self care became lower priority. And I ultimately suffer for it.

@actuallyautistic

dave, to RaspberryPi
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

Anyone have any experience with OrangePi single-board computers?

I'm not looking for a direct RaspPi replacement, just a small computer that runs off 5v. Curious if they're any good.

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

First attempt using cannabis to calm my hyperfixated brain seems successful.

I was able to relax and stop thinking about my current fixation. I was also able to get to sleep fairly easily, and stay asleep.

This morning, I my ADHD meds (something I don't do every day), hoping that they'll quiet my brain and help me control my focus away from the fixation.

This is the first time ever I'm actively working to manage and curb my tendency to fixate on a thing. I have hope it's manageable..

dave, to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

There's a lot I don't love about being Autistic... but one thing I DO love is how systematic and logical my brain is. I can often successfully troubleshoot systems I have no experience with, because my brain just gets systems.

In our RV, our bed is on a slide-out. That means that it extends and retracts: it's retracted while driving, and extends about 18 inches from the wall of the RV when we're parked.

On our way to LV, the bed slide broke. It would extend, but only one side would retract. I found a hacky workaround that let us get it retracted so we could finish our trip.

I did some diagnosis once we got to LV in November and I was fairly certain the problem was the electronic controller that controls the motors, not the motors or the wiring. Lo and behold... yesterday I finally replaced the controller, and that fixed it.

Systems-oriented brain ftw 😃

JeremyMallin, to random
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar


You know how sometimes people say "Me three." after someone has already said "Me too."?

I think I'm going to start using "Me three.", "Me four.", "Me five.", and so on as an indication of the degree to which I agree. 😉

dave,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@JeremyMallin Me ten!

ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs, to random
@ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs@kolektiva.social avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs It's an interesting thought experiment. I wonder if you took it a step further to say: it's an imagined utopia where there's no neurodiversity and everybody's Autistic.

    What do you think that would look like?

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @ItsTrainingCatsAndDogs I mean, I don't either.

    I was just curious if you thought a society of only Autistic people would be any different.

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    The burnout experience, before I knew I was Autistic and expected myself to be able to function like a neurotypical:

    Why the hell am I so tired all the time?!
    I get 8 solid hours of sleep!
    Maybe I'm eating too much sugar.
    Maybe I'm not eating enough.
    Maybe I'm eating too many processed foods.
    Maybe I'm not eating enough protein.
    Maybe I'm not drinking enough water.
    Maybe I'm not getting enough physical activity.
    Maybe I'm drinking too much caffeine.
    Maybe I've got mono.
    Maybe my body is fighting off a mild infection.

    Thoughts that literally never crossed my mind:

    Maybe I've had too many demands on my time and energy.
    Maybe my senses have been overloaded.
    Maybe I'm not giving my brain enough rest (which is different than sleep)
    Maybe I need to do LESS.
    Maybe I need a lot more alone time.

    It's so hard to understand why we feel a certain way when we're trying to understand ourselves as a "normal" person.

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    Got another chore completed that I had been putting off for months.

    These chores weren't particularly complicated. In fact they're kinda "easy" - the trouble was that they required multiple easy steps, and some level of executive function to think ahead about where to start and in what order to complete things.

    This chore was "simply" gluing the molding on some of the doors in the RV, because they had come loose.

    But that involved setting up a workbench, getting my tools out, finding the glue, removing the doors, taking them outside to a work area, gluing them, clamping them and/or putting weights on top of them, etc

    Burnout is not laziness. It's not even really a lack of motivation, though that's the word I've been erroneously using to describe it.

    It's a disability. It's the complete lack of ability, in my brain, not just to plan and consider all of these steps, but even to make the decision to get started.

    "Just do it" my ass. I CAN just do it - when I'm not in burnout and taking care of myself.

    dave, to actuallyautistic
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    Finally checked off a maintenance chore I've been putting off for months because I didn't have the spoons.

    I feel really good lately. Motivated. Enjoying things. I'm also trying to be very mindful of how I'm feeling, so I don't wind up burning myself out again. I'm trying to find a sustainable balance.

    Part of me is hopeful and even confident that this is my new baseline, and a sustainable balance is possible.

    Part of me is absolutely terrified this is just the same cycle and in a month or two, I'm going to be completely exhausted and have zero energy to do anything.

    dave,
    @dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

    @arisummerland

    😂 Right?! It's like this feeling is some uncontrollable magic and I'm just waiting for the magic to stop working without warning.

    Enjoy the good feelings, but give yourself time to rest too. Don't overdo it as we tend to do 😀

    @actuallyautistic

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