useless_modern_god

useless_modern_god, 22 days ago

May the force be with you.

useless_modern_god, 21 days ago

Thanks Bacon

useless_modern_god, 23 days ago

I’ll have some cake please. Nothing fancy, no frosting, just plane.

useless_modern_god, 22 days ago

We spread mustard. We spread mayo. Why aren’t they in the “ spread” section?

useless_modern_god, 22 days ago

But they’re all in the sauce section? Mayo is not a sauce.

useless_modern_god, 22 days ago

Vegemite is a condiment though

useless_modern_god, 22 days ago

You mean “spreads”😂

useless_modern_god, 22 days ago

This delineation seems to work a little better. It’s nearly perfect except for the mint jelly.

useless_modern_god, 22 days ago

Cheers!

https://aussie.zone/pictrs/image/953ab7e8-df8c-4379-b9ab-112a404cf35f.jpeg

useless_modern_god, 23 days ago

Coffee

useless_modern_god, 23 days ago

lol what? Surely you wouldn’t hand carry a wedding cake that far?

“Place all metal objects, laptops, and wedding cakes in the tray!” 😂

useless_modern_god, 24 days ago

Dad used to slice it, bread it and shallow fry it. I remember enjoying it, but, then again most anything is good when fried innit.

useless_modern_god, 24 days ago

It was just afternoon and nearly home from the shops. A ten minute drive. I was thinking about nothing in particular when suddenly flames erupted from the engine bay. The smoke was whispering out of the air con vents as I was maintaining a reasonable speed. Should I ditch it or press on?

The car was still operational but the smoke was getting thick inside the cabin. I didn’t want to lose her and only the fire brigade could help me now.

I pressed on. Faster now. Flame wasn’t visible past the smoke. I needed a phone urgently, to call the fire brigade . I felt like a WW2 fighter pilot limping back to base after being shot to shit.

I had to ditch.

Brigade arrived but it was just too late. Write off and move on.

useless_modern_god, 24 days ago

I’m still kickin. I’ll take that as luck😎

useless_modern_god, 26 days ago

Used coffee grounds. Mmm

useless_modern_god, 26 days ago

Hmm something seems off about this photo. Can’t quite put my finger on it.🤔

useless_modern_god, 25 days ago

It had only been around 6 hours into a cross country trip. Slow hum of the desert and a lonely dark highway road made the travel quite boring. Since my mate was driving, I nodded off a bit and fell into an uncomfortable sleep. I remember being catapulted out of a dream to see we had crossed the painted line and into the oncoming traffic.

“What are you doing!?!” I shouted !

“I’m CRASHING!!” replied the driver, as he over corrected and sent us off-road. The vehicle flipped several times and landed butter side up. We had come to rest before I fully realised what transpired. Car was totaled.

We both walked away unscathed and purchased airline tickets the next day. We needed to be en route.

useless_modern_god, 25 days ago

I have a Kerrygold fetish

useless_modern_god, 26 days ago

We were shopping for our first home many years ago. It was on a hill. As we were stepping out to leave, the agent says “hey is that your car?”

I look over across the street, and my car had started rolling down the hill!! I bolted over the fence, quickly zapped the alarm button and dove inside to stop it just in time before crashing into another car.!

We ended up buying the house.

The End

useless_modern_god, 26 days ago

I felt like Tom Cruise

useless_modern_god, 27 days ago

Did I ever tell you how much I dislike cleaning barbecue gas ports? Should be a Jim’s franchise for this shit.

useless_modern_god, 27 days ago

Cool thanks . I’ll put that on speed dial for next time.

useless_modern_god, 27 days ago

Thank you for your sacrifice

useless_modern_god, 27 days ago

That reminds me, I should rewatch Cronenbergs “Naked Lunch.”

useless_modern_god, 27 days ago

Eventually