@RobSF@beige.party
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RobSF

@RobSF@beige.party

“From the time of their ride in the blimp, Bill and Anne were more interested in dirigibles than ever.” —The Dirigible Book Former art director at Stanford Press, now tending my garden in exile. Short stories in New England Review, Zyzzyva, American Short Fiction, Epoch, and similar whatnot.
Se falas português, especialmente de Portugal, enviar-me um DM.

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RobSF, to random
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I really miss the early U2. When they had the accordion.

RobSF, to random
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“🎶 If I just lay … if I just lay here …”

“What? WHAT will you lay?? Lay is a transitive verb, you ignorant musician. Would it be too hard to get one person in your band with at least a grade nine education?”

—My last interaction with Snow Patrol, ca. 2007. They’ve been dead to me for years now.

RobSF,
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@Alice They can’t lay down! They can’t lay down! They can only lie down! I don’t care about any of this socialist “usage determines grammar” horse crap, It’s a transiti–[choke] [gasp] I need some water.

RobSF, to random
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Someday Musk is going to get his way, and he’s going to wake from a 2,000-year cryogenic sleep on a distant planet covered with abundant life, but it’s only going to be moss. A whole planet covered by just moss, and he’s going to be all, “Seriously? I live two millennia and all I get is moss?” and even though it’ll be a miracle, he won’t be impressed. I feel like this would be just about right. And then he would die, of course, as do we all.

RobSF, to random
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HR Interviewer: “You’ve got a great resume for the most part. But let’s talk about coding, since I don’t see anything about that here.”

Me: . . .

HR: “Because. This is a job in IT . . .”

Me: “I had a ring once.”

Alice, to random
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Confession time. I have a cousin who lives in San Francisco and his name is Rob, so when @RobSF followed me, I was like "Oh! Cousin Rob is on Mastodon!" and followed back.

Turns out this Rob is NOT my cousin, but I found out that he IS really funny so it all worked out in the end.

It's not , but I'd still recommend you follow @RobSF because he's an absolute delight and you know my words are genuine because I’m not even related to him.

RobSF,
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@Alice Thanks so much for the thumbs up! Will probably add “Not a McFlurry” to the moniker.

RobSF, to random
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Heard a guy admiring another guy’s golden retriever pup the other day say, “Beautiful! Full-blooded?” and from now on this is how I’m going to react to every person’s new baby.

RobSF, to random
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As Thanksgiving comes up, just want to say how grateful I am to the Mastodon crowd for all the great company this year. Even if I realize any one of you at our table this Thursday would probably make it an even more painfully awkward event than we’re already expecting.

RickiTarr, to random
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HAPPY ART SHOW SUNDAY!

Drop a picture, video, link, or toot of something you created into the comments. Anything goes, show me your passion!

“Art is a line around your thoughts.” – Gustav Klimt

image/jpeg
A pencil drawing of a cute possum

RobSF,
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@RickiTarr
Two paintings of my housemates. “Lost Ball” and “Penalty Kick.”

Painting of dog on multi-colored rig staring intently at tennis ball as woman shimmies at the table, who may or may not kick the ball to him in the next three seconds.

RobSF,
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@RickiTarr You have no idea how exhausting it can get around here with these two.

RobSF, to random
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I wonder if we could get rid of assault rifles and handguns by offering really cool, though less efficient, medieval weapons of death. A crossbow for every M15, a mace for every 9mm. Real Game of Thrones level shit. It’s all about bored white men with only one ball, anyway. How will this not work?

RobSF,
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@thepoliticalcat Agreed on all points, and apologies for the cynicism. I followed up immediately with a comment to the same effect.

RobSF, to random
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Today I’ve reached 75 followers. What should I use them for? Like, how many do I need to march on something?

RobSF, to animals
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Steve got stitches. I keep telling him he looks like a 17th-century Flemish burgher, but he skipped art history and doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

RobSF, to random
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Asked my financial manager to re-run the numbers if I sold a lung.

RobSF, to random
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At the airport doing my well rehearsed sophisticated international traveler expression. Only minutes to go before my phone craps out at the ticket scanner and I frantically reboot, telling the attendant this NEVER happens and, on the verge of tears, apologize profusely to the 113 people waiting behind me.

RobSF,
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@Alice Damn. I feel bad now. I hope his life was just crappy for a year, or even less than a year, and then eventually that something really good happened so that story could just become a story he tells.

RobSF, to random
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I’ve just figured out an amazing way to fold my button-down shirts w/o buttoning them, and I am seriously thinking of buying one of those shrill Google ads that interrupts the YouTube video of your brother’s funeral you’ve just started watching.

RobSF, to random
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A person susceptible to impulse buying should not be unaccompanied in sporting goods stores. My wife just took a stick of eye black out of my hand, hung it back up on the display, and rushed me out the door at Dick’s.

RobSF,
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@RickiTarr Count your blessings, sister.

jeffowski, to random
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RobSF,
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@jeffowski
Nice spin on “nativist” politics.

RobSF, to random
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While indeed an historic find, the coins’ worth as legal tender under Constantine was put in doubt when the Latin on the reverse side was found to say, ‘Redeemable for Large Fries.’

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ancient-coins-found-underwater-sardinia-possible-shipwreck/

RobSF, to random
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1/4) I slammed my thumb in the door in Colorado this summer. Hurt like the dickens. In fact, because of the high altitude I lost consciousness, and someone called an ambulance. The thumb needed no real treatment, and they just had me lie in the emergency room to wait for my heartbeat to get back up and stabilize. Cost of fainting in the USA: $8,327.03.

Ambulance bill for $2,129

RobSF, to random
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How did people stay alive before iodized salt? Also, arch supports. Basically, how did the human race even make it to 1930?

GrimmReality, to random
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I am already a white male so for , if I just carry a bible and quote Ayn Rand, I can go as the legit scariest fucking thing in America.

RobSF,
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@GrimmReality “What’s so scary about nine grand?” We’re in our 60s. My wife’s hearing isn’t what it used to be.

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