‘It's Important to Celebrate Your Accomplishments,' Says Woman Looking for Any Excuse to Buy a Cheesecake (reductress.com)
Every Gang From “The Warriors” Ranked by Our Conservative Uncle’s Fear of the City (thehardtimes.net)
Conservative Owns the Libs by Paying $4,000 a Month for His Ford F-350 (thehardtimes.net)
Terrifying New Anti-Marijuana PSA Says Overindulgence Could Cause You to End Up Like Bill Maher (thehardtimes.net)
Trump Quietly Avoids Eye Contact With Rudy Giuliani Begging For Change Outside Courthouse (www.theonion.com)
Iranian President Stoned To Death With Mountain (www.theonion.com)
Fictional alien time travellers can’t be black, insist morons (newsthump.com)
New Florida Law Requires All Women To Produce 3 Healthy White Sons By 22nd Birthday (www.theonion.com)
What Biden Can Do To Win Over Gen Z (www.theonion.com)
Woke, Woke, Woke, Snowflake, Cancel Culture, Woke, insists Lee Anderson (newsthump.com)
Local Teachers Union Announces Plans to Invade Gaza in Order to Secure Government Funding (thehardtimes.net)
Anarchist Surprisingly Strict About Board Game Rules (thehardtimes.net)
Trump Reflexively Asks Michael Cohen To Silence Michael Cohen (www.theonion.com)
Florida Students Given Lifelike Dolls To Simulate Responsibility Of Owning Slave (www.theonion.com)
Onion Gift Guide: Mother’s Day Gifts For Every Type Of Mom (www.theonion.com)
Man pivots seamlessly from criticising trans rights as ‘a threat to women’s safety’ to defending Russell Brand as ‘no threat to women’s safety’ (newsthump.com)
Where the Hell are Ryder’s From Paw Patrol's Parents? (lemmy.world)
Ryder, the local young leader of the Paw Patrol, has long been a fixture in Adventure Bay. He is often seen gallivanting around town with his high-tech ATVs or overseeing operations in his pup-filled command center. However, recent concerns about his upbringing have left many locals bewildered and wondering where the hell are...
Steve Albini Standing Outside Gates of Heaven Telling Everyone How Much He Hates the Smashing Pumpkins (thehardtimes.net)
Trump Brags His Brain Worms Are Still Alive and Very Strong (thehardtimes.net)
17 Days In Incubator Longest Time Premature Baby Will Go Without Being Exposed To Advertising (www.theonion.com)
Bored Riot Cops Break Up Calculus Class (www.theonion.com)
Man decides it’s just easier to become climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers (newsthump.com)
Doug Ford denounces university encampments after mistaking tents for affordable housing (www.thebeaverton.com)
Drake Drops New Track Inviting Kendrick Lamar Out To Coffee So They Can Clear Things Up (www.theonion.com)
“The truth is, Kendrick, I think you’re a sweetie / Does 2 p.m. work, or maybe 3?” Drake raps in his new single titled “I Miss You, Buddy,”...
Israel Accuses Al Jazeera Of Being Mouthpiece For Journalism (www.theonion.com)
