@thisismissem I wonder about this. Relays are hard for me to understand in the concept of ActivityPub. I still have basic questions about them, like, if I subscribe to a relay am I sending them all of my public toots? Am I just receiving?
Without thinking about relays, I expect public toots to be discoverable.
The only consent I can control are toots coming from my instance. Which is why I'm not allowing other users without first having some kind of service agreement in place.