Pentagon to MAGA world: You need to calm down over Taylor Swift

National security officials are used to shaking off absurd conspiracy theories, but the latest rumor that’s gripped MAGA world just hits different.

The claims by Fox News and far-right influencers that pop star Taylor Swift is part of a Pentagon “psychological operation” to get President Joe Biden reelected, and somehow rig the Super Bowl to benefit Kansas City Chiefs tight end (and Swift’s boyfriend) Travis Kelce, has been met with forehead slaps in the national security world.

“The absurdity of it all boggles the mind,” said one senior administration official, granted anonymity because they were not authorized to comment publicly on the matter. “It feels like one of those ‘tell me you are a MAGA conspiracy theorist, without telling me you are a MAGA conspiracy theorist’ memes.”

jordanlund,
@jordanlund@lemmy.world avatar

“They add that she’s not, in fact, part of a psychological operation to sway voters to Joe Biden.”

MAGA - “Yeah, but that’s just what they WOULD SAY! THIS PROVES IT!!!”

okmko,

This is completely sarcastic but it’s so, so, SO dumb that this is in fact the sentiments of the ppl on the new the_donald website. Smh

andrew_bidlaw,

Dark Brandon gives their supersolders the hardest battles.

Agencies has so many stories and gossips of coups, secret weapons and psychological experiments like MK-ULTRA, and they used Taylor telling people to vote as their psy-op?

Big scary government that can hear every your word and can even say them for you, can track and kill you at any time - uses a pop-star to make a point?

Who buys that bullshit? Is it, again, the weak but strong enemy? That’s a story even Onion wouldn’t publish.

tigeruppercut,

I mean, if agencies theoretically wanted more dem votes, there are worse ways than getting a mega superstar to ask her fans for them. But if they were in the business of controlling US elections we probably wouldn’t have the entirety of the shitshow that is existence right now.

asteriskeverything,

This way they get to hate a beautiful woman who would never fuck them

betterdeadthanreddit,

Wait for it. Win or lose, once they realize how embarrassing this episode should be, it’ll become something that none of them actually believed and besides, it was all started by some lefty trying to make fun of them. The real conspiracy turns out to be (in hindsight with the benefit of selective memory and heavy retconning) a push to drive up merchandise sales. They’ll make a reference to globalists, lizard people and something about “controlling the media” without a specific J-word for plausible deniability.

andrew_bidlaw,

You can’t say jewelery without a J-word, don’t you? They are stupid rich and are out to get you. Hide your kids, hide your wife, as they’d come to you to take them, and dance Hava Nagila over your cold dead body. Stupid leftists think I’m insane now, but who’d they ask to help, when jewish reptiloids would take their children and farm them for adenochrome? Not me, I’d shoot them on sight as any other trespasser. God bless America.

Neato,
@Neato@ttrpg.network avatar

The tragedy of our age is that this could totally be posted in all seriousness.

Taleya,

I’m in my mid-40’s and i cannot recall a time when this wouldn’t have been the case.

andrew_bidlaw,

We live in some form of post-reality where whatever our sci-fi visionaries said years ago as a precaution gets picked as an instruction to action. I hate that, and I’m happy someone picked it without a cowardly added s/.

arefx,

And hide yo husband cuz they rapin’ everyone out here

mods_are_assholes, (edited )

Of all the violence, media manipulation, lies, a LITERAL coup attempt, and what the pentagon decides to crack down in is Fox slandering A FUCKING POP STAR?!

This world is insane, it has been for a while now.

edit: to stem the hate. I have nothing against Taylor Swift, good on her for telling people to vote. I don’t get her music but then I’m not her target demographic.

SpaceCowboy,
@SpaceCowboy@lemmy.ca avatar

But that’s exactly what they would say if it were a psy-op, isn’t it?

I’m joking and I wish that were obvious, but nowadays it probably isn’t.

Seriously tho, can we go back to conspiracy theories about bigfoot? It’s equally bullshit, but the worst case scenario with bigfoot conspiracy theories is that people do some more hiking to try to spot him.

m3t00,
@m3t00@lemmy.world avatar

only a week to go. was hoping it was today. conspiracy roulette

MacNCheezus,
@MacNCheezus@lemmy.today avatar

May I have your attention, please

https://lemmy.today/pictrs/image/9a160df3-2eae-469f-ae1c-d0e4d8d31f03.jpeg

cabron_offsets,

Nah fuck em. Let them freak out. Fucking moron shitcunts.

billwashere,

“Shitcunts”… I may steal this. 😂

Texas_Hangover,

Really? You couldn’t come up with something like that yourself?

billwashere,

I’m not that creative.

Jank,

I’m gonna steal this.

HawlSera,

Sadly they’ll take the “Suspiciously specific denial” (How they’d see it) as confrimation

phoenixz, (edited )

USA , can you please reinstate that law (that fox news got rescinded) that requires news to be actual factual news? That way, fox must rebrand itself to “fox bullshit” and you can get actual factual news again.

I think that’d help a lot. Then get rid of the 24 hours Jews news (autocorrect tried being funny) cycle as that hasn’t helped anyone but investors in news corporations, and people could actually start believing in media organizations again.

ThoranTW,

That is quite the unfortunate typo.

phoenixz,

Yay, at least someone noticed.

Mamertine,

Fox news classified themselves as entertainment so that law didn’t apply to them.

frezik,

It would never have applied to them.

jordanlund,
@jordanlund@lemmy.world avatar

Removed, “24 hours Jews cycle”, really?

phoenixz,

News cycle, NEWS cycle, not Jews cycle. It’s a typo and I’m rather amazed that nobody thought of this.

My auto correct keeps changing news to Jews now btw, no idea why. I am not anti-Semitic, I have nothing against Jews or Palestinians or Mexicans or Caucasians or African Americans for God’s sake. It’s just a random auto correct issue. I’ll try and fix it, can you undelete this?

jordanlund,
@jordanlund@lemmy.world avatar

If that were your only problematic comment, I’d ALMOST buy that excuse. But it’s not your only problematic comment.

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/fe188a97-239f-485e-8838-9e30b3a21158.jpeg

frezik,

Are you thinking of the fairness doctrine? That only ever applied to broadcast TV, not cable TV like Fox News.

The reason for the distinction is that broadcast TV is over radio waves that anyone can receive with off the shelf equipment. The FCC has a lot of jurisdiction over that and can regulate what can be shown. Cable TV is relatively free of that oversight. Legally speaking, they could show hardcore porn at 5pm. They won’t because their advertisers would hate it, but they legally could.

cashews_best_nut,

“tight end”? No way thats a fucking position!?

citrusface,

Yeah

funkless_eck,

yeah they should have proper sports names like googley, Dibbly dobbly, slog sweep and jaffa

MacNCheezus,
@MacNCheezus@lemmy.today avatar

Wait until you hear that there’s also a “wide receiver”.

cashews_best_nut,

They must be the guys with a bumhole wide enough to slot the ball in!

MacNCheezus,
@MacNCheezus@lemmy.today avatar

Yeah, well, football is gay, get used to it. Ask the NFL, they’ll tell ya.

https://lemmy.today/pictrs/image/24d37e9b-ece9-4994-a42f-de48e5aeaab4.jpeg

pigup,

Gimme dat wide receiver

zalgotext,

Pitcher

Catcher

Hooker

Back door slider

Clean and jerk

Five hole

Pole position

Double team

It’s not just American football that has the funny sexual innuendos

cashews_best_nut,

oo er misus 😤

Juigi,

America wtf

cashews_best_nut,

So glad I’m not American. I can view all this like a reality TV show.

theangryseal,

Until it reaches you in the form of a global economy collapse.

Of course, China could be the savior, but would that really be a win?

cashews_best_nut,

Why would I care about Chinese hegemony? Sinophobia is more of a Yank fear. I really couldn’t give a shit.

jabjoe, (edited )
@jabjoe@feddit.uk avatar

You should. We all need an at least semi-democratic country at the top. We need the non-democratic authoritarian kind of governance to be seen to fail. Again. If American fail, we need Europe to start punching it’s weight even more. And unfortunately the crazy right (no doubt helped by enemies of freedom) is on the rise across Europe. Least in Britain, it looks like the nightmare might be over this election. It will take years to undo the economic and social damage they have done though.

Edit: English

cashews_best_nut,

enemies of freedom

Oh dear. :/

jabjoe,
@jabjoe@feddit.uk avatar

Fine, I’ll be explicit. Russia, China, etc. The authoritarian powers. They do want success democratic countries as it gives their citizens ideas.

Professorozone,

Yeah but… ummm…you’re on the OTHER end of all our guns. No one is safe from our craziness.

cashews_best_nut,

Britain is effectively the 51st state so we’re always behind your guns. :p

Retrograde,
@Retrograde@lemmy.world avatar

As a half Brit half American, Britain really hasn’t been really pulling many Ws recently either

cashews_best_nut,

Do you drink tea or throw it in your nearest harbour?

Say “colour”…

Retrograde,
@Retrograde@lemmy.world avatar

It’s paradoxical, I throw the tea and it just spins in place in mid air

Also it’s obviously spelled C̴͉͎̘̱͙̙̣̱̜̲̖̎̂̋̔ȍ̶̻͕̬̞̰̫̙̩̯̤̳́͊̒̚͜ͅl̷̨̹̺̳͔͉͇͎̻̐̐͌̽̾̀̉͐̈́̆͗̎̚̕œ̸̢͉̜̽͛̅̚ư̸̪͍̂͐̀̀̍r̶͈̮̲͉̀̓̏̋̈́͑̌̔̽͊́͘͝͠

Harbinger01173430,

From which of the countries of great Britain ? 🧐

cashews_best_nut,

Doesn’t stop me being able to laugh at America. If you’re half British you should know one of our defining traits is self-deprecation. Britains Ls are eternal and everlasting and I will laugh at them all. But Americas - oh fuck yeah. They gimme a hearty laugh too!

How does someone be half American? Where do you pledge your allegiance?

JamesStallion,

I pledge my allegience to queen Frang and her mighty state of Hysteria

Pratai,

I honestly envy you.

Clubbing4198,

until we drag the whole western world into a real fucking shit show. lets not forget how close tony blair and george w bush were when it came to handling iraq

billwashere,

Except if the Cheeto Benito starts some shit somewhere in the world due to his excellent diplomatic skills god forbid he gets elected again, pretty sure we are all in the shitter.

JasonDJ,

Yeah, except most reality TV is 99% made-up bullshit that just impacts nothing outside the “participants” and water cooler gossip.

Except Love on the Spectrum. Thats just wholesome AF.

TheFriar,

Are you even surprised by us anymore

EdibleFriend,
@EdibleFriend@lemmy.world avatar

Fuck if I know dude. I thought we had hit a low with bush. Then we went and elected a black man and holy ever living fuck did that break right-wing people. Just absolutely broke their fragile little minds and here we are.

Leviathan,

You guys need to elect a black man with a heavy inner-city accent who enacts serious change so you can break them all the way once and for all.

SkippingRelax,

Or a black woman!

Leviathan,

Fuck, if only! Or a gay black man who does drag as a hobby.

MojoMcJojo,

If they can negotiate on foreign policy and domestic policy, then they can work it.

JamesStallion,

Ru Paul would be a terrible president.

Leviathan,

Disagree! Caffeine enema days could mean leaps and bounds in policy foreign and domestic!

GnomeKat,
@GnomeKat@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Also a furry

model_tar_gz,

He smokes cannabis daily as he pardons himself with every puff.

EdibleFriend,
@EdibleFriend@lemmy.world avatar

I was about to make a joke about President Camacho but then, I remembered, that fucker, that HORRIBLE PARODY OF A PRESIDENT, is so much better then what we got with Trump. Camacho saw some serious shit was going on and said ‘holy fuck lets let the smart guy fix this.’

He recognized and openly admitted to his own shortcomings.

Econgrad,

Camacho/Not Sure 2024!

EdibleFriend,
@EdibleFriend@lemmy.world avatar

He gets my vote just for that bitchin trike

mods_are_assholes,

40 years of crippled public education and a media landscape owned by the wealthy elites that use it to push anything to distract us from the fact that our greatest enemy are billionaires.

kromem,

I love that the Pentagon is referring to dank memes.

Reality really is stranger than fiction.

SkyeStarfall,

I mean, people who grew up on the internet can get up in high-ranking positions too, especially as we all get older.

postmateDumbass,

I’d bet the Pentagon has a huge presence on all fringe forums and memeboards.

Crack0n7uesday,

Just think of all the tax dollars wasted paying law enforcement to surf 4chan… It’s funny because you know that’s a real job…

jkrtn,

I don’t think it’s a waste of money. There’s plenty of pedophiles sharing CSAM on 4chan and probably a terrorist or two as well.

PM_Your_Nudes_Please,

Yeah, at least 4chan pretends to moderate posts these days. Back when it first started, it was the fucking Wild West of the internet. You’d be scrolling, and see naked 13 year olds getting pounded by sweaty old dudes with their faces blacked out, right below terrorist beheading videos and memes about triforcing. It was like if LimeWire had a stream of consciousness.

Soulg,

Loved those triforce threads man.

kandoh, (edited )

Remember, a lot of young conservative men were convinced Taylor Swift was a white nationalist who posted with them on 4chan.

When she started telling people to go vote (she didnt even say for a specific party, but just telling people to vote is enough to convince them you’re a democrat) they took that as Taylor Swift betraying them.

So much of what conservatives engage with is completely made up and exists only inside their own heads.

PM_Your_Nudes_Please,

I mean, those same young conservative men are convinced that Taylor Swift and Lorde both have nudes posted on 4chan, because of the “tits or gtfo” rule.

Note that the speculation has existed since Swift and Lorde were both like 16.

CharlesDarwin,
@CharlesDarwin@lemmy.world avatar

These are some of the same rocket surgeons that believe(d) that Hillary was using a pizza parlor with no basement to run an international pedo ring out of the basement of the pizza parlor.

Not really known for their application of reason and logic.

HawlSera,

High voter turnout typically means Democrat victory, as the only people who make sure to vote EVERY election is the paranoid “Keepin’ up with the Jonesses” suburban America types

Veneroso,

I’m waiting for one of them to call for a protest of the 2024 election because it’s rigged, convincing thousands of MAGA to not vote. We’re nearly there…

jkrtn,

Be the change you want to see in the world.

xc2215x,

The Pentagon is right here.

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