@CharlotteEowyn oh, i absolutely agree! I tried to replay it a while back and i just couldn't. Militarism can be a big barrier for me with games in general now, but especially that 00s war on terror flavored militarism is pretty much unbearable to push through.
Sitting at a Pride planning meeting for my small town. Mostly listening. Their first Pride ever.
Some guy wanted to make sure it was going to find a way to keep out the - and I quote "sexual deviants" so the locals "don't judge the rest of us". And this old lesbian was like, "excuse me, I know gay men that have literally waited their entire lives for this, to be themselves in public. I know a lot who have died. Your going to kick them out?"
And like.
Fuck that fucking fucker mother fucking fucker shit.
I've only known I was queer for a few years. I'm barely a local, only been here a decade. But no event where other queers are not welcome is Pride. And heteronormativity will not keep them from murdering us.
I am all for kid stuff. But fuck that fucking shit.
Can anyone more experienced with neurodivergency explain something to me?
My wife was diagnosed at the age of 39 with autism (demand avoidance version) and ADHD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)
I love her.
Her most annoying trait however, is if you ask her how you look she always says fine. You can have smeared lipstick, your hair can be seconds away from looking awful in a picture, you can have a drop of ketchup on your face. Fine.
And if you ask her, sometimes she doesn't notice it. But often she DOES and says she just didn't think to mention it. When specifically asked.
And if you confront her about it, even if you are just like 'wha?' she cowers and looks afraid. She wasn't abused as a child, I think this latter part is the rejection sensitivity. It makes it HARD to talk. But I can deal with that.
But I have no idea why she'd look at smeared lipstick and not think it was worth mentioning. If I ask? She said it wasn't just me, that in college this came up with her girlfriends.
@CharlotteEowyn It's the phrasing! You just need to think literally.
"How do I look," asks me to take in your whole self, nose to toes. Literally no matter how much effort or time a person puts in, there's always going to be spots that kill and spots that don't quite hit. I'll deliver an answer based on the rolling average of" whole you."
If instead you ask "is my makeup clean and sharp?" or something similar, you're asking me to assess "excluding every other part of my appearance, and--
Funny how trans women are expected to routinely shrug off shit that would be blatantly sexual harassment if it was done to any other group.
This occurred to me when I went to get dinner from a pizza place earlier (I didn't buy pizza but did buy several other things) - and realized that, though they don't play music in there, the past several times in a row when I walked in, the prep employees vanished and 'DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY' started blaring at max volume.
And because I'd already paid when this happened, and wanted my food and didn't want a confrontation, I casually said "funny how this song seems to play everytime I walk in there" and the cashier stuttered and kinda shrugged that he didn't notice what was playing.
And when I went back in to get my food, it was only half-prepared (like not in big enough ways I could raise a fuss; but some of it wasn't cut, and the salad wasn't prepared properly or the way they usually do) and no music was playing.
And like I'm supposed to shrug that off. And I'm supposed to shrug off, at work, continued blatant harassment, including targeted harassment.
And its interesting because like...nothing like this would ever happen if I was a man. I know that from when I presented as one. They may feel however they feel about me, but they all treat me the way misogynists treat women.
And at the same time I have INCREDIBLE self esteem issues. I feel like I'm ugly, like I'm a monster, like my transition has failed, like I'm lonely and can't make friends.
And how much of that is me or my trauma, and how much of that is the constant, neverending, ceaseless harassment?
I have an autistic nephew, and I just found out that apparently he's not allowed to own or use any computing devices "in case he ends up like <deadname>".
@CharlotteEowyn To be clear, I may have already had an outline, and a rough draft of a few segments in a series of short stories about a community of undead hunted by society as a metaphor for t4t love and community. And this just tells me I need to actually set aside time this year to write out much more of it.
This might be a controversial hot take but, when I say I'm bi, it is honestly 100% not in any way shape or form about cis men. There are a lot of genders out there, there are people who are gender fluid, nonbinary (which is a spectrum, but also NOT man lite or woman lite) there are dual gendered people and agendered people and third genders from across the world.
And like I did have a point where I was like "could I occasionally be bi for like, a day a month" and a point where I was like "I would definitely stay with someone who turned out to be a transmasc, because more authenticity always increases hotness," or like, date a he/him lesbian.
And eventually I realized that I didn't really care how I thought about cis men. And I didn't think that sexuality needed to center them. And while I spent all this time thinking about if X was possible or Y was possible, or who I maybe liked once....
And I was ignoring that I've already had attraction to a nonbinary person who isn't a woman.
Also,😎😅😬😮😱 .... apparently I'm bi. That's a mind fuck. I strongly prefer women and enbys though, and like different genders in different queer ways....but ... apparently I am bi. Still kinda.... processing my feelings on that. Still demi though, which made it hard to figure out.
.....might not be demi for enbys sometimes though. Omg this stuff is going to take my entire life to figure out roflol omg.
@CharlotteEowyn
If I ever got a tattoo, it would be of a couple different pulsar plots wrapped around my upper arms. I think the one from the front of the Unknown Pleasures album from Joy Division would be one of them. As a long time astronomy buff and techie, it would be very appropriate for me. The first college course I took was an astronomy one. I also helped start an astronomy club when I was 13. At that point I already had my own key to the local observatory. https://youtu.be/oo7lt0lLOvg
Apparently I need to read that book and be prepared to cry for generations of forgotten siblings.
My entire life I've been described as 'a bit much'. My parents thought that (in different words) - when they decided I was too feminine to choose my own clothes or haircut, that I needed 'handling' and, later on, sent to a special therapy camp to reduce my neurodivergent traits. In college I was literally told that by other physics majors - there's a lot of me, apparently, in a way I was never sure of, but everyone else around me seemed to acknowledge and understand. I've heard it since coming out too. Fit in. Assimilate. Don't be too bright. Wear more neutral colors. (ok the latter was good fashion advice at the time.) Anyways - I've thought it at myself. To see it repeated in "Stained Glass" woman hits home.
Its interesting, how you can spend your entire fucking goddamn LIFE putting a lampshade on your soul to avoid outshining others, and no matter how much you eclipse your sun with someone else's moon, your still a bit too damn much. Even when I presented as a boy, it was still too much. The only version of me that will ever not be too damn much for the cis is a version of me they can bury.
Literally five or ten minutes before reading this article, I went online to a trans-owned jewlery store I like, and they had hardcore punk earrings. I didn't get the ones I wanted because I thought to myself 'oh, if I get the 'literally a communist' earrings or the 'fuck the rich' earrings it'll be too much for some people in this area'.
@CharlotteEowyn Okay, this seems targeted. Seriously, if you were to take this in the direction of a lawsuit, there is so much explicit sexual harassment, retaliation, and other acts that I would imagine you would have something of a case. I understand not wanting that stress too, but this is all just so awful and these assholes deserve to be held accountable
Omg, three separate characters have all propositioned my Dark Urge Drow enby in baldur's gate 3, all in the same scene, and I have to make a decision before progressing.
This is worse than a boss fight. I shall die of gay.