reallybigfoot

reallybigfoot, 1 hour ago to bigfoot

#Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 1 day ago to bigfoot

If I ever meet a Velociraptor, I'm gonna be all, "BRING IT". They seem like a-holes. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 1 day ago to bigfoot

Every time I turn around, I expect Matt Moneymaker to be standing there. Naked. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 3 days ago to bigfoot

Time describes events that occur in our physical world. No physical world, no time. I just pooped. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 4 days ago to bigfoot

Why do I constantly have to breathe? Is my costume leaking? #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 5 days ago to bigfoot

I just installed a second head on my shoulder. If I'm attacked, I'll just yell "OVER HERE!", and still live. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 5 days ago to bigfoot

#Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 6 days ago to bigfoot

I have no neck. Instead, I have sphincter at the back of my mouth called a "face anus". #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 6 days ago to bigfoot

If Matt can quantify how many maybes equals a probably, he just needs to get that many liars in one room and ask if they've ever seen a Sasquatch. Boom. Proved. Probably. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 7 days ago to bigfoot

Sasquatches haven't invented the word "AND" yet. If we wanna say "AND", we have to improvise a solution. Like instead of saying "MATT AND CLIFF", we might say "MATTCLIFF" and shake our heads a lot like "that's not right" then maybe shake a stick to clarify "AND". #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 7 days ago to bigfoot

I've seen thousands of living owls, but never an owl corpse. Do owls exist? #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 7 days ago to bigfoot

When Sasquatches want to PAR-TAY, they take their costume arms off and wave them in the air like they just don't care. Same with our heads. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 10 days ago to bigfoot

Whenever I find a corpse, I install the best organs in my fake, no good body. At first, it seemed a little gross, but now I just feel like a really well made fake man-ape freak Frankenstein, which is really not that bad, if you think about it. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 10 days ago to bigfoot

I don't believe dogs will take over the world. They did invent that thing where they shake water off of them, but I don't necessarily think that means they will take over the world. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 10 days ago to bigfoot

Sasquatches got very uppity and willy-nilly in the 70s. That's what being on the Six Million Dollar Man does to you. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 11 days ago to bigfoot

When Sasquatches discuss Matt Moneymaker we end all of our sentences with "PRAISE BE" or "CAN I GET AN AMEN?" and such. Respect. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 11 days ago to bigfoot

My body is upholstered - I mean covered - in fur - I mean hair. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 13 days ago to bigfoot

There are deer tracks in the mud. I was going to follow them, but for all I know, they're fake. F that. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 13 days ago to bigfoot

I hit on them. Big time. With my fist is what I'm saying. On their heads. They're dead. They are the deadest things that ever died. Squirrels are traumatized. #poem #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 14 days ago to bigfoot

A wolfpack is eating a Fozzie Bear alive. His "WAKA WAKA" screams are annoying. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 14 days ago to bigfoot

I have no neck and my swallow reflex only kicks in if a horse-head sized hunk of flesh starts to choke me. I can't swallow water is what I'm saying. I have to snort water. BEING A FREAK SUCKS. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 15 days ago to bigfoot

Two grizzlies are snapping their paws and moving in synchronous hip-gyrating ways. Now they're shimmying around me in a very show-offy way. What in the name of clown farts is going on? #DanceOff #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 16 days ago to bigfoot

If the human in the forest looks dumb, like if he is wearing a t-shirt with giant tiger head, and the tiger head is all cross-eyed or something, I just hide willy-nilly. Who cares what this guy thinks? #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 17 days ago to bigfoot

One time, I was going to go left and I was like "MAYBE NOT" so I went right. I didn't get found. It's things like this that make life epic. #Bigfoot

reallybigfoot, 18 days ago to bigfoot

Maybe the best evidence that I exist is that I hate myself. #Bigfoot