I suspect that I sometimes find it easier to accept & respond to other people’s needs than my own. I tend to minimise or discount my needs. Not all of the time, & I’m learning to be kinder to myself & more assertive, but it’s something I have to watch out for.
@nettle@actuallyautistic when someone close to me is suffering, I try to find ways to help. When I am suffering, I start to work to talk myself out of it, mostly bc either I don’t trust my own feelings (they are invalid; unnecessary; not worth discussing etc) or I don’t want to interrupt the lives of people around me. I’ve survived by not disturbing others.
@nettle@actuallyautistic Speaking purely personally in my role as a wife and mother and making zero judgment about anyone else's way of life, I feel that it's considered more socially acceptable to look after others' needs than put myself first. The main times I put myself first are when I'm exhausted and no use to anybody anyway, and for two regular exercise classes a week.
@nettle@actuallyautistic My rather simple theory/experience is that I've been told so much to consider others in response to not reading subtext the same way that I now compulsively consider others to the point there's no time left for myself.
It's a little bit of a distilled summary, but not entirely wrong.
Me too! I had a recent crisis, and the most difficult part of it was that I had considered the wellbeing of everyone involved except me. It took me a while, but I finally realised that I deserve consideration too. That was when I could start to recover...
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