It backfired by causing school shootings. We’re dealing with the fallout of Boomer-style parenting now. For anyone who has or is about to have children, look up gentle parenting.
There was a Bart Simpson t-shirt my mom bought me when I was a kid. Bart said: Underachiever and proud of it.
I remember radio ads for some bullshit corporate product service bullshit, the announcer said “It’s a no brainer!”, and the simpleton character, meant to stand in for all of us, goes “Uhh… no brainer? Oh I like that, hyuck hyuck hyuck!”
I remember this ad making me angry. Then also being vaguely disturbed when I noticed that this cynical marketing profile was all over the place.
I lived through that fucking decade and I think it has a lot to do with how fucked up I am today. The way my school district dealt with a kid that couldn't sit still was to lock them in a cinder block room with nothing but a desk and a pencil. They would keep you in there until you finished whatever assignment the teacher gave you.
Then I was prescribed ritalin. I was ridiculously allergic to it and it gave me seizures. When I wasn't having seizures I was almost catatonic which the school liked, because it meant I stayed in my chair. The school tried their best to keep me on it even though my parents were VERY unsure about the whole seizures thing and negative effects on my personality. One day I asked my mom "If I do something bad when I'm on my medicine, do I go to hell?" (I have a very religious family) and that was the push they needed to take me off it.
I haven't sought treatment or therapy since, because of that whole debacle. Every once in awhile I think about it, but it sends me in an anxiety/ptsd spiral and I chicken out.
Hell, when I graduated, they would give you your permanent record along with your diploma on the stage. Everyone else's was super thin, but mine was three folders about three inches thick each. I didn't even look at it, just burned it out of shame. I'm sure it was full of "prime mover has a lot of potential" bullshit. I wish so bad that I could be normal, but I don't think I even got a ticket for that boat before it sailed.
Sorry for the rant. Still pissed off at my school system, but not sure who to share that rage with. Fuck em all
Hell, when I graduated, they would give you your permanent record
Holy crap that was real?! I thought it was something TV shows made up to scare kids. Like, I know they keep a file on kids with important info. But every infraction or whatever is dystopian.
I also grew up in the 90s and got hit with ADD diagnosis when I was about 5 (1990). I was on Ritalin and then Adderall for years and I KNOW the dosage wasn’t figured out yet and way too high. I was much more quiet, barely had a personality and would routinely give away my lunch because I had no appetite. Eventually 5-7 years of that I started just throwing the meds away and when school found out my parents took me off them.
I’m pretty sure I still have mild ADHD and have considered getting prescribed something or talking to a doc to help but like you that shit came with scars. Early adopters for meds can have it rough.
Meanwhile I am basically at war with myself every millisecond of the day to get what I get done, done and all people see is what the winner of that war accomplished. It feels like a war but is probably better described as a tug of war where the victor doesn’t need to just win but overpower their opponent enough to do literally anything else.
People get uncomfortable when I call myself stupid, because they see me at moments when I can fully access my brain and keep it organized, and think that I’m able to access that state most of the time. Hell no, I work best when my brain is turned off 90% of the time hence why the majority of the time I am ACTUALLY STUPID. Still not sure if its my ADHD, my Autism, or my mental health and anxiety why I function best with my brain turned off
I hate this. And I hate the constant message from everything and everyone that we need to be constantly growing, learning, improving. It just makes you feel like you’re never good enough, and when you get to good enough, there’ll be a new level of good enough you haven’t reached yet.
I’m constantly surprised that a swath of the populous thinks that everyone else thinks the same things they do, has the same motives they do, etc. People are largely aware that there are introverts and extroverts, along with different learning styles, but that’s where most people seem to stop. It extends well beyond that. People are all over the spectrum on anxiety, curiosity, desire to learn new things, where they prefer to position themselves in group settings, ability to understand where others are coming from, etc. Often when people with differences in the above meet, they fail to empathize with each other and are befuddled by that the other person doesn’t think and act the way they do. We to sort ourselves into similar social groups, but it’s especially amusing to watch this play out in a work environment.
Exactly. And part of that is that just because you have the skills/knowledge/intelligence to achieve something doesn’t mean you have to in order to be a good person or a success or whatever.
But some people find satisfaction and fulfillment that way, so going for it isn’t bad either. We all have different ideal states of being.
I’m not going to disagree with your points about capitalism, overstimulation, and needing labor unions and a better world - those are all fair points.
However, I also wouldn’t go so far as to say “you don’t need stimulants.” If the effect of stimulant medication only boosted productivity, sure. But for me, stimulant medication is more about improving my working memory, I don’t feel a burst of energy to get me through the jobs I need to do, I’m just not fighting my own brain and poor memory as often. I’m an adult, and I do take days and sometimes weeks off from taking my meds, either because I forget to take it, or occasionally am overstimulated because of the hellscape we live in, and know more stimulation will make things worse. I don’t think the “must take stimulants every day” thing some do to themselves or their kids is healthy either. And I think it’s bad if you are only taking stimulants for the sake of meeting expectations of those around you. But if they help get your brain struggle less on the things you actually care about and want to do, there shouldn’t be any shame in taking them.
That might be something to bring up with your doctor. Could be that the meds aren’t working as well for you as they could be, and there might be a better alternative.
I swear I almost wish I had ADHD. At least then I could say it’s not 100% my fault for being an absolute worthless failure. “Unfortunately” that’s all on me.
Everyone is born with their own standard human brain. Just because we have named some groupings of behaviors and thought patterns, and can sometimes even point to specific causes and structural or molecular differences… it doesn’t mean anyone has an “excuse,” just an explanation.
People with ADHD, heck even people with TBIs, are still 100% at fault, because it’s their own brain. The good news for you, is that you have more opportunity to feel fulfilled than they ever will.
It’s not “our fault” cause if it was up to me, I’d have been born into the 2nd richest family, 2nd smartest man in the world, 2nd biggest dick etc. Yet here we are. ADHD and hydracephalus from birth. Definitely not born with a “normal” brain.
However, it IS our responsibility to deal with it before it becomes a problem for others.
I think responsibility is a much better word than fault. Not everyone will be able to deal with their challenges, but what I really meant was, this is your brain and no one else’s.
The difference between fault and responsibilty is definitely something I plan to teach my kids from an early age.
If someone rear ends me when I’m driving safely and following all the rules of the road, it’s not my fault. But it’s still my responsibility to get insurance information, arrange for car repair and transportation, reschedule appointments, etc. I don’t get to just walk away and hope everything takes care of itself.
It’s just one of those unfortunate facts of life. Everyone has to handle things that aren’t their fault sometimes.
worthless failure can be part of the diagnostic criteria. (not really but somewhat) you may still want to talk with a professional. you have likely developed coping strategies.
“I know he deserves a B but he could get an A if he tried harder so I’ll give him a C to motivate him”
Yeah, I had a few teachers adopting that reasoning. While kids who knew less than I did but were perceived to try harder were given better grades. Surprised pikachu when I started to barely do enough for a D.
“I’ll motivate this child to spend the system, to bring about the vast changes this world needs. It all begins with giving him this D, historians will look back on this moment and praise my foresight” -Frau Bauer (probably)
I’ve always had bad grades, so for that one test my mom studied very hard with me. After grades were given back, my teacher came up to me and literally said that the performance was worthy of a 2 (B) but she’s given me a 4 (D) again, to motivate me.
Needless to say, motivation was not achieved.
Furthermore, it’s one of the core experiences that led me to mentally check out of the school system eventually and still fuels my distrust of authorities and institutions to this day, almost 20 years later. Well done Frau Bauer.
I don’t want to be too “we live in a society” but I noticed that - since I’m a man / was a boy - people in care giving roles usually assumed I want to prove myself. Because All Boys™ want to prove themselves all of the time. So it’s good to be as adversarial as possible, actually. To grow their character.
Regarding her generation and type of character, I wouldn’t be too surprised to learn that she thought she was actually doing me a favor. Also she co-taught our class with another teacher who quite openly disliked boys in general and me in particular. Which was probably also a factor.
It was grade 4, the night before I had committed to memory the spelling and order of 20 words the teacher told us would be in a test. When the test started I wrote it out perfectly. She accused me of cheating in front of the class. I rewrote the entire list in front of her to prove my innocence. Afterwards I became less motivated.
Well to be fair, if she and others hadn’t shown me how ridiculous this kind of hierarchical thinking is, I wouldn’t have been angry enough to quit all the jobs and relationships I didn’t feel appreciated at. So I kinda wouldn’t be who I am without it. But I still wish I didn’t have to be who I am to get by.
Wow you’ve brought back unhappy memories ‘a for achievement, d for effort’ and ‘you got everything right but poor presentation, c’
Worst was when I’d to a test and get all the answers right and they’d question how I did so well, bitch because you can’t take marks away for no reason on a multiple choice. Actual worst was that this was 1990 and they wouldn’t let me do my homework typed ‘when you get a job your boss is going to need things hand written’ fucking what lol
I am very hesitant about this current “I have ADHD” trend I’m seeing on the Internet, but fuck every thing I see like this makes me feel like I do have it.
Anyone know Good, legitimate, safe resources for exploring if I have ADHD?
Hello, clinical MH counselor with ADHD here. This meme isn’t a good indicator of ADHD symptoms since it more broadly reflects the experience of being a “gifted child”. While many with ADHD fall into this category, it’s not a proper criterion or indicator of ADHD. Many without ADHD struggled with “gifted kid syndrome” too, after all.
If you’d like an ADHD self-assessment, you can check out the ASRS-v1.1. It is NOT a diagnosis ; it only indicates that follow up is warranted. Many symptoms can overlap with things like Anxiety disorders or Autism Spectrum Disorders, etc. You need a clinician to perform a proper ddx for that. But it should be a good starting point.
Thank you for this response. I’m already diagnosed bpd, bi polar, and depression so something more technical is a better response than the go see a doctor responses that I got. Well intentioned as they might be, I already know that is a step to take. If I had money I would.
I’ll look this up when I have moment is there a good place to take it online?
oh if you just search for ASRS v1.1 you’ll find a pdf. it’s one page. it’s adapted from the ASRS-6 which is only six questions. it has expanded questions to shed more light on which characteristics present more strongly. actually only the first six are still technically the diagnostic ones, so some might say to not even bother with the supplemental extra questions if the top six dont present strongly.
with three diagnoses on the table already, you might not get a reliable result from this since some symptoms might overlap. one of the DSM criteria for most disorders is “… and isn’t attributable to another mental disorder or substance use.”
if i had a patient with bpd, bipolar, depression, and adhd: id want to be focused on working on emotional regulation, acceptance and self-esteem. those would help adhd anyway, but addressing it directly would be hard. thats also partially because bpd responds so well to therapy and adhd responds so well to medication/holistic healing.
okay thank you. I learned a lot from my cpl years spent in therapy, so i have developed tools for emotional regulation and awareness has done a ton for me. I learned so much about myself. I am in a much much better place now than I ever have been since graduating high school.
Good to know about the overlap, i figured as much since bi polar and bpd go together. I think one of the reasons i am so interested in ADHD at 33 years old is because I can finally devote some mental resources to learning about myself as i gain self acceptance. its let me tune in to some things about myself and observe myself and actually internalize it instead of being so low self esteem that i just kinda distance myself from me.
i hope that my success with medicinal treatments in the BPD and Bi polar realm is a sign that adhd treatments would work well too.
Echoing others, see a doc, specifically a psychiatrist. Mine sent me to a neuro-psychologist for evaluation. It was a bit brutal, taking several hours but, it got me officially diagnosed at 31 and enabled me to get treatment that was pretty life changing.
Take some of the questionnaires from more legitimate ADHD resource sites. Where I scored highly likely to be ADHD, my partner did not at all.
That being said, you could also undergo psychiatric assessment with a psychiatrist, but it may be a little expensive. I would recommend it if you can, because medication and appropriate psychotherapy can greatly improve quality of life.
Yeah a psychiatrist doesn’t necessarily need to diagnose you. Any licensed therapist can do it, though not all will be as familiar with the assessment process. Find one who specializes in ADHD.
I still feel this as an adult, I want to be a successful artist and have finished college, signed up for my doctor’s appointments, but I just keep gravitating towards the easy dopamine inducing mindless activities
Search for “adhd coping skills” and try them all until you find what works for each of you.
Since what works is different for everyone so you will both need to develop coping skills independently.
But also keep in mind that many techniques won’t work for you and you need to be persistent and that doesn’t come naturally with ADHD so I suggest aiming for whatever technique will help you achieve that first.
Its also crucial, when trying to teach these methods to a child, that you frame them as multiple options that can and will fail to help, and that the failure is of the method not the child.
These techniques are akin to shoes. You go to the store to try on a bunch of different styles to see what fits, whats comfy, what looks good, and what you ultimately want to wear outdoors. You dont fail to fit a pair of shoes. They just arent your size.
Trying a bunch of coping mechanisms and skills that dont work will feel like failure if framed incorrectly, and make it harder to try the next one. Kids dont always know how to change their frame of mind around these things, so its key to help make sure they dont think of it as another test to pass or fail.
I’ve started saying out loud around my child, “Doing it this way isn’t working very well for my brain. I need to try other ways until I find what works for me.”
I needed to hear that so badly as a child (heck I need to hear it as an adult!) And I’ve noticed my child is less hard on herself since I’ve started doing this.
I think arming yourself with information about ADHD is your best bet to break any cycles related. Get diagnosed, get them diagnosed, seek counseling if it’s feasible. There are a ton of coping skills that can help, but they have to be learned, and counseling will help in that tremendously. If that’s not available, there’s a ton of resources online.
It’s also important to know that ADHD isn’t necessarily something wrong with you, it’s an adaptation. People with ADHD tend to be incredibly well performing when they’re in the right environments, which is the kind of thing that can be learned through counseling or research.
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