If any of those don’t look solid green to you out of the gate, it’s an absolute no-go. They don’t have to be one way or another, but if you can’t openly and comfortably agree on those things, you’re pretty screwed eventually.
I definitely agree with the hobby bit. I’ve talked to plenty of people that don’t have any hobbies or any passion for anything and they are just so soul draining to be around. I find with these folks you cannot have a good conversation with, either they don’t know about the topic, or any topic or they only answer in one or two word responses. They are just a black hole of any excitement or energy.
Ugh, this one hurts to read. I have plenty of hobbies and interests, but for whatever reason it feels so painful and awkward to discuss them with people i’m not already decently acquainted with, so it probably comes across as you describe to many folks.
Probably not, to be like the people I mentioned and met you almost have to try to be as disinterested as possible. If you say more than just 1 or 2 words when talking to somebody you’re already a lot better.
The biggest green flag is that you like being around them and you miss them when they’re not there. I know that seems kinda obvious and a weird thing to say, but hear me out. Sometimes people get invested into a relationship, and don’t even realize that they don’t like spending time with their partner. Wanting to be around them, like actually longing for their company, is a green flag.
Well it’s obviously not an absolute truth, more of a good rule of thumb I think. It also depends on the reason they don’t like cats in the first place.
Come on, I prefer cats but the reason people prefer dogs is because they do consent to the kinds of interaction dog-lovers want to have with their pets. If someone doesn’t like cats because cats often don’t want to be petted all the time it just means that person wants a pet who wants to be petted.
Also I do things to my cats without their consent all the time: I give them medicine they don’t want, I use a vacuum cleaner, and I move them from places I don’t want them to be. They are animals, not humans, and how I interact with them is not a model for how I interact with humans.
I’m not interpreting you as believing it’s an “absolute truth” I’m saying it doesn’t seem like it would bear any relationship whatsoever. You are still saying that as a rule of thumb dog-lovers are less likely to respect people’s (lack of) consent than cat-lovers. That’s insane.
Let’s be real about it: being a cat or dog person can tell you something about a person’s personality and hence give you a hint about whether you’ll get on with them. A green flag should first of all be universal, not dependent on the person considering it, and second it should actually be a reasonably accurate indicator.
A dog will behave the same to interactions, that it doesn’t like, as cats: Leaving, telling (with their respective sounds), scratching, biting. Change cats in your sentence to any animal that is able to interact with humans (fish is difficult for example) and I would agree.
Being nice to waitstaff/receptionists/cashiers/etc, even if there’s an issue.
You can be annoyed at the situation, sure. But being nice to the employee shows you know that 99% of the time the problem is not their fault and 100% of the time yelling won’t solve anything.
They have emotional support. It can be friends, therapy, groups, or bare minimum some personal resources that they can access if things get rough. It’s impossible to be someone’s only support. They will drag you down with them.
To add to that- they have a positive and receptive view of therapy.
Oh yeah, absolutely. (I knew I was making the words ‘good advice’ carry a lot of weight there, but it’s late here.)
For example, Bill’s got a health problem, but persists in consuming something that’s bad for that. Jill quietly/quickly reminds him of that now and then.
The person says “I don’t know” fairly often. It shows that the person is not quick to draw conclusions, based on little to no information; this is gold, it means avoiding a lot of personal drama where they could blame you for things that they assume that you did.
They’re generally on the same page about common acquaintances as you.
That’s different. I’m talking about avoiding to rush towards certainty, not lack of opinion/preference.
That said, “I don’t know… it’s too late to buy groceries, but we got a frozen lasagna, there are some vegs in the fridge, and I could whip some fried chicken if you want. What do you want?” sounds perfect for me. So the issue here isn’t the “I don’t know”, it’s the lack of input.
[Dunno if you were speaking seriously or joking. If joking, sorry for the serious answer.]
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