Overall I'm happy. finding out I was aroace helped explain so much of my life up to that point, and it's easier to give myself grace when I don't bother seeking out relationships like everyone else in my life does
Yes and no. Yes, because it was good to have an actual word for things, and it did put a stop to the narratives I told myself about myself.
I was so relieved initially. I do find it really annoying though. It is really isolating and discourse is depressing.
It feels strange to be so comfortable with the reality of it, but also find the minutiae of just negotiating life with it so irritating. I can't imagine not being pleased to know what is going on with me, and I can't imagine not being like this, but I wish I had more joy in it.
It really helped accepting myself for who I was rather than drinking myself to death because I believed there was something wrong with me.
I still haven't told my family I'm bi, but honestly I'm not missing out on much due to many of them disowning me already due to politics for other reasons.
For the longest time no, it took me years to accept that I'm ace and I felt disappointed that I may be lonely for the rest of my life. But recently I met the most wonderful ace girl whom I wouldn't have met otherwise, so I'm thankful for it now.
Am I happy? I certainly feel more complete since I figured things out. I don't know though, it's almost like asking if I'm happy I'm right handed or have curly hair. Being pan is just part of me, and it's a part I embrace. I think when people talk about pride, what resonates to me is more "the complete absence of shame" rather than the feeling I get for accomplishing something. Happiness feels similar to me.
i agree a lot with this. maybe it’s because i don’t feel like i had a lot of figuring things out with being bi? like, i just sort of was like “hmm i think i like girls” one day when i was younger, and now it’s no big deal. i’m happy for other people who consider it a larger part of their identity, but i haven’t felt that way in a very long time personally.
Figuring out that I’m intersex explained a lot for me and gave me a way to make sense of traumatic things from my pubescent years. Meeting people with similar experiences, even though they are traumatic experiences, was something very joyful for realizing I was not alone nor a weird freak.
Learning the term ipsogender was also a joyful thing for me since gave me a way to articulate that even though I agree with my assigned gender I have a lot of baggage about it and honestly relate more to trans people than to cis people.
(I’m also bi but I figured that out at an early age, my parents were reasonably supportive, and it wasn’t the same kind of galaxybrain process for me as figuring out sex/gender.)
My life is a lot better than it used to be. Most notably I have a better feeling of understanding not just for myself, but for others (I grew up in a homophobic environment and it took some time to shake that off).
I think there is a tendency, at least in the early phase of discovering you're queer, to believe there's something remarkable about that. I certainly thought so for a while, especially because where I'm from being openly queer was not as prevalent 15 years ago as it is now. I'm happy to have friends who don't treat me differently for being queer, who love and support me for who I am.
I mean, as an asexual its hit and miss if I enjoy it. Like, being such a small subset i feel removed from most societal norms. Those with a sex drive, regardless who its for, still fit in to the sexual nature of human existence while I don't. I don't get off nor do I have attractions to any gender, I lack all of a sex drive so I am mainly one who views everything from the outside. Then again I love it as I am not distracted by anything and don't have those sexual vices. I however don't really come out to anyone about it unless it comes up in conversation, as most people don't seem to understand how it's even possible. I been told many times that I am lying or I just haven't found the right person yet.
As a fellow ace, I feel this so much. It's why I think it's important for people to talk about and understand the unique struggles asexual people deal with.
i agree with this. it’s been hard for me personally because, as a sex repulsed ace, i’ve felt very unwelcome and ostracized in all sorts of situations, among aces and allos alike. making new friends can be hard with my limitations of really not liking any sort of sexual jokes or discussion, and so many ace spaces are full of grays/favourables who actually have sex all the time, and aces who are super proud of their identity and see no downsides at all, and i’m just neither of those.
i’m a LOT more comfortable with myself than i used to be thankfully, but sometimes it’s still hard. i wouldn’t say i feel proud to be biromantic simply because that’s a natural part of me i’ve never really had issues with internally or with others, but i’m somewhat proud of my asexuality simply because i’ve actually had to fight to be okay with what i am. that feels like something i should be proud of.
Gay male here, and loving every second of it. More than anything though, I think it's the sense of liberation you get from knowing that, because you'll never truly fit in with standard heteronormative social roles, you can literally just stop trying to. I don't have to pretend that I don't like pop music, or that I care about football, or that I think grilling is the single greatest thing a man can do.
Even as a straight dude ditching that toxic masculinity shit is the best. I'm into theater tech, I like colorful clothing and fun earrings, I like little cars with cute faces, I don't like coffee and I don't care much for sports, I like fruity cocktails, and I've met plenty of men and women and nonbinary folks who like the same things and are awesome.
My life got 100% better the moment I stopped trying to be a cool man.
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