It's a pretty dirty hack, but it works, and once I find the time to clean it up a little I might even release it.
Why did I need it in the first place? To get some sensor readings off of an #MicroPython board. I wrote classes that can output #Prometheus text to serve via HTTP, but then found out that running BLE & Wi-Fi simultaneously is a fickle bitch, so I had to pivot to, erm, USB UART and simply gave Gauge.update() a print(str(self)). 🤷♂️