@SuitedUpDev
Thank you!
I realized the other day that the primary (maybe only) way I have of making myself engage with my job is to scare myself. Then I'll have all this extra anxiety laying around that I forgot what it was for. Then I'm like, "Oh shit, what's all this? There sure is a lot of it. It must be about something really important! I better figure out what..." and then I can't. Which is worrying.