You forgot the part where the early bird tells the night owl they're "lazy" for sleeping so late, which is complete and utter bullshit because you both slept the same amount.
Yeah, anywhere from 12-15 hours a day. Scheduling a sleep study is quite difficult when the patient is in their twenties, our current insurance says it isn’t needed.
Are they on their phone at all during the asleep hours? Any signs of depression?
I ask this as a night owl. I usually sleep for about 7 and a half hours, but when I wake up I grab my phone and have been known to sit there and scroll for at least an hour. If I lay there long enough there’s a good chance I get drowsy and fall asleep again for anywhere from 30 minutes to another full sleep cycle (1.5 hours for me)… And then I’m usually drowsy AF the rest of the day.
And the depression thing… Well… I’d think it’s obvious why I’m asking, but yea… Worth bringing up.
Yes, it is a current struggle we are both overcoming while we search for affordable healthcare to get a sleep study done. We think she has sleep apnea which also leads to terrible sleep quality, and the phone-in-bed thing is… a work in progress lol
The phone thing… Why not make it a mutual rule of no phones in bed? Like if you want to be on your phone, that’s fine, but go sit in the living room or something? I’m assuming you’ve communicated with her about wanting more time with her during the day?
The sleep study is tough, I don’t even think that’s the expensive part of the whole equation.
Good luck to you. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out!
As someone who naturally sleeps for 10 to 12 hours and still sleeps through alarms, it’s extremely relatable to long for being able to function on much less sleep with little to no help. So I believe her. It sucks losing hours like that.
Well, I function. I don’t enjoy. I still naturally wake up at around 8 hours of sleep, but that just doesn’t happen with my work schedule and sleep rhythm combined. I am sometimes able to catch up on sleep a bit on weekends. She can cat nap for 14 hours when she has nothing to be awake for though. Shit’s crazy.
Oh yeah it’s a “grass is greener” situation for sure. The folks who can’t sleep as much for whatever reason, be it circumstantial or biological, understandably can be jealous in the same way.
We’re not like this about bedtime, but we are about sleeping in. My wife “sleeps in” until 8:30 on the weekend. Me? I try to be up by 11:30 or so, and even that’s not guaranteed.
And the correct thing is that the night owl wakes up late and takes the kids into daycare and the early bird finishes work early and collects them. Unlike my so who has me do both.
“Oh I’m such a morning person”
Really woman?! Wtf am I getting kicked out of bed at 06:30 to make breakfast then?!
God I’m so thankful that my SO shares in all of the responsibilities almost perfectly. Sure, there’s a bit that she does more of and a bit that I do more of, but I don’t feel like I’m shouldering it all.
My ex on the other hand, we were just bad for each other all the way around. I worked 60+ hours a week and she straight up just wouldn’t clean. If I didn’t do it, it piled up so bad it was unreal. Dishes, clothes, toys. It was insane.
Living with someone who takes the time to think about what I’m dealing with has totally flipped my life. My ex would wake up and scream about everything. Didn’t matter that I was asleep, didn’t matter how long. The woman I’m with now rarely wakes up before me, but if she does she tiptoes and closes cabinets softly.
She randomly says things like, “you’re the best. Thank you so much for doing the dishes and cleaning the bathtub today.” I feel seen, heard, acknowledged.
It’s wonderful.
I believe that almost any two people can get there with effort and communication. Some people just won’t do that, but if you can change that it changes everything.
Sometimes I’ll get upset because of something my SO does, I tell her about it, if she can stop it she does. Sometimes she gets upset about something I’m doing or not doing. She doesn’t sit and growl about it, she tells me. Bam! Problem solved.
I would rather drop dead right here than live on a world where communication doesn’t happen and my needs aren’t considered.
In defense of my ex, she was way better with the guy she ended up with after me. They got along, kept a neat place, and considered and cared for each other. Unfortunately, some people have to learn the hard way.
However it’s been a few tough weeks, we are both tired and a bit snappy atm. You reminded me to thank her when she comes home for what she did this morning around the house. And maybe do a bit more than the normal tidying up this afternoon, since I’m the one at home with the babies today.
That’s generally true, but you can’t be 100% like each other. I get along with my partner really well, we share a lot of similar hobbies and interests. But she goes to bed at 9 and I go to bed at like… 2 AM. Sometimes that’s just how it is.
You’re right, ofc! W.r.t bedtimes, I think both people would have more fun if they’re similar. I wouldn’t mind if someone stayed up after me, but I’d rather have fun together!
Really tho, I get up really err day unless it’s the weekend. I sleep around 12am and wake up around 6am. It works for me and all my silly little things I do :)
Tbh, if I like someone enough I would be flexible for them shrug
Generally my SO and i sacrifice a good deal of sleep for this reason. After midnight is the only time where the kids don’t interrupt sexy times. But on the other hand I still have to get up at 6:30 anyway so I’m basically slowly killing myself.
I’m fortunate enough to be the one of us that doesn’t need so much sleep… I get my perfect sleep schedule and my partner just has to suffer me waking them up at 5:30, oops
Same here, but I hate it. My body clearly fights against me and when I take time off I naturally drift towards my preferred sleeping schedule.
I wish I had the option to adjust my work schedule, but I don’t. (Inb4 “get a new job” without any consideration for why I might not be able to do that or why that might not get me the result I want.)
For some people this works well. I am an introvert, and my alone time is necessary. Having a part of the day only for me is helpful. My partner feels the same way. Our schedules are mostly dictated by work, so we sometimes move closer together schedule-wise on the weekends. It’s a good balance for us, and we complement each other more because of it.
I am an extreme introvert and I desperately need time alone. Fortunately Sundays are very slow where I work. I use that time to recharge my battery. Isn’t always enough, but with small children I don’t have opportunities at home. I’d feel guilty sitting in a room alone while she deals with all that chaos.
I get up and tell my wife “I’m going upstairs” then she asks for the time and it’s 9:35 or so, but it’ll be 10 after I brush my teeth and read a little. I don’t know when she gets to bed because I’m usually asleep.
I used to be a night owl, but today the sun guides all my actions.
Unless I’m really tired for some reason I usually go to bed between 1am and 3am. I get up around 8am. This is just how my brain works lol
I exercise most days, and aside from a cup of coffee in the morning I don’t really drink caffeine. If I go to sleep before 1am though I will wake up at like 4am and just be tired and cranky for the whole day after that.
I’m 42 and I’ve been like this since I was a teenager lol
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