Something I encounter occasionally in a story and have yet to come up with an elegant way of describing: What would you call what this woman is doing, with her hand and head in particular?
“She rested her head on her open hand, arm raised, elbow propped on the table” is agonizingly verbose for such a common, casual thing. But cutting it down opens it up to ambiguity.
Is that action called something specific?
Suggestions for re-phrasing?
@reay I've always imagined exactly this pose when reading something like "...rested her chin on her hand..." - it's like, if you're doing that the elbow thing is a given, what else would you be doing?
@jwcph Ah, but then how would it be phrased if (say) her palms were stacked on a tabletop and she leaned down and “rested her chin on her hand”?
That was part of the ambiguity I first mentioned: There are at least two ways to rest a chin or head on a hand — hand propping it up or head resting [down] on it — hence my wanting to phrase clearly which one I meant, while also hopefully not being so wordy as to slow down the reader I needless phrasing.
@reay I think I'd turn it into action. "She put her elbow(s) on the table and rested her chin on her hand(s) while pondering..."
Ehh, That still seems clunky. It's such a common human action too. I might only use it as a particular characters behavior so that I could describe it once and just reference it thereafter.
It also makes me think there's a word for it. If not in English, the Germans will probably have one :D
@RileyNorman Right, it’s that clunkiness you found that I keep tripping over. It’s supposed to be a small, casual thing, so it’s doubly frustrating because whatever ham-fisted description I concoct draws more attention to it than what’s intended to be an action in (or description) passing.
Don’t know that I’ve ever encountered that problem with anything else like that before. There’s so often a pared-down, simpler way to convey something. But this one is a pain.
@reay "Propped herself up on elbows..." maybe? Less clunky but less descriptive. I can imagine ways of describing a scene so that the above would flow naturally, leading to the image. Something like "She lay her head on her crossed arms, then abruptly propped up on her elbows." That may still be a bit clunky but it feels more like that may be my command of prose 😃
Yeah, there is is. "Her" thrice in my last example 😛 but the flow of the descriptive scene doesn't feel so clunky otherwise.
@RileyNorman Agreed on that getting smoother, but propping up on elbows could mean just with head perked up, unsupported. To get the hands holding the head up is the third of what feels like at least three separate components — 1) head propped on 2) hand (with 3) arm up) and 3/4) elbow on table/whatever.
I think that’s part of the problem I have with it: I’m describing distinctly separate parts of what’s supposed to be one simple, casual image.
@RileyNorman Literally trying the Elmore Leonard approach may have worked: Trying to strip it down to short, punchy phrasing.
“She turned to him on the couch and propped up her head.”
Does that do the trick?
The hand must be up because it’s doing the propping. Her head isn’t resting on her hand. So the arm must be up, too. And she’s on the couch so her elbow would be, too.
This may have worked out the issue… ? Does that phrase convey the full, unambiguous image?
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