@IzabelaKaramia@writing.exchange
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IzabelaKaramia

@IzabelaKaramia@writing.exchange

trans woman, I write good poems, ADHD, autist, type 1 diabetic, love to study languages, dx exocrine pancreatic insufficiency Dec 2022. Runner not currently running because of years being undernourished. Now walking some and feeling better, convinced I will fulfill a promise I made in a poem The Pale Horse

Definitely a fan of Gruyère cheese.
You can never have enough elephants.
I'll close the door behind us, a tiny tap.
It's where museums tuck away the weird.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

eriquita, to animals

Lost an entire hand last night.

IzabelaKaramia,
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@eriquita

How did you summon such courage to put your hand in the trap?

IzabelaKaramia, to random
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Awake, first toot of my usual daily thread of bits and thoughts and feelings and reelings

A hard pull of myself out of bed this morning. Just laid there for some time, on my back, and Dinker Donkers on my left shoulder

I've already had some tea and I've also had some toast and jam to break the overnight fast

Have no real sense of mood yet except that of I just want to move slowly and deliberately as possible for now

IzabelaKaramia, to random
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Awake, starting my usual daily thread of nips, bits, jots, and notes

Had a haunted house dream but it wasn't nightmarish, just a bit surreal and dreaming about animistic ideas and how life and memories can grow into things that we might not think are alive

IzabelaKaramia,
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One thing, which I myself have had to learn, but it will of course be harder for those who don't have to learn it, is the way society and culture is ableistic about diagnoses, especially those involving mental health...

The ableistic assumption is that diagnosis will mean treatment that results in a person becoming more neuronormative and thus able to do things that are more effortless for neurotypicals. That expectation can cause difficulties because it's simply not true or realistic.

IzabelaKaramia,
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In fact, a frequent occurrence, especially in cases of late in life diagnosis of autism or ADHD is that masking behaviors become more difficult to perform, because an autistic will recognize how self-nullifying those behaviors are and how much stress the behaviors are causing to the autistic self.

Which confounds neurotypicals who equate behaving neurotypically as being healthy behavior. They'll be like, "Why is this person getting worse after being diagnosed?"

IzabelaKaramia,
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This is where the social model of disability does much better in describing the problems and conflicts. And I find it helpful in untangling things inside of me.

Though it still doesn't solve the problem of neurotypical ableism and that's going to be a long long struggle. Because neurotypicals have little motivation to understand it, they swim fine enough in their culture and expectations and are not taught that others may not be able to swim fine in those.

IzabelaKaramia,
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For happier thinking, I'm going to reflect on the fact that best part of the internet is all the cats.

Cats are the best.

IzabelaKaramia, to random
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Awake and time to start my daily thread of bits and jots

Slept fairly well, maybe feel a bit more lively than what's been typical for the last few months. But still nothing like how it should feel when waking up.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Good strong sunshine right now, I hope it helps warm things up, it was a chilly 45F earlier

there's still a lot of sadness lurking in me but somewhere I can't identify it and that scares me that some point it will clarify and render me useless for some period of time

IzabelaKaramia,
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Good morning, Dinker Donkers

IzabelaKaramia,
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Watered the flowers and veggies. The green pepper is growing, a little larger than yesterday. Less windy than yesterday too.

IzabelaKaramia,
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One time I caused controversy on a message board by arguing that human beings are an invasive species. It made people very uncomfortable.

IzabelaKaramia,
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So basically I advise people not to talk about humans as an invasive species when going to dinner parties. People react strongly and negatively towards such an assessment.

IzabelaKaramia,
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We've reached 70F. Time to open the windows. I like having fresh and warm air circulate in.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Haven't seen Ginza for a few days. Hope she's okay and it's just a case she hasn't been stopping by when I've been looking

IzabelaKaramia,
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Finally feels like I've got some pop and spring in my legs again and that's another thing to file in possible hopeful signs bin.

There was a long stretch where any sort of uphill felt like a grind with a Sisyphus boulder in front of me.

IzabelaKaramia,
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went to market and pharmacy to get supplies

Saw Ginza, but maybe someone had fed her recently because she didn't want treats. But I also worry maybe she's a bit sick right now and doesn't have appetite.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Pic of Ginza lounging atop a nest of fallen oak flowers. She's such a pretty cat. I tried giving her eye kisses but she either doesn't use them or she doesn't feel I deserve any

IzabelaKaramia,
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I just ate a ham and Swiss sandwich on toasted wheat. A couple squirts of yellow mustard and buttered the bread. Some of the mouthfuls were flavorful enough to set off tingling in my arms and spine. That's always good when that happens.

IzabelaKaramia,
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@devxvda

I wonder sometimes if in an ideal low-stress situation and me in mostly good working order, if there might be a food which would somehow hit all the right notes to push me to a feeling that is orgasmic or close to it.

Private
IzabelaKaramia,
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@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @actuallyautistics

I try to always have a supply of reasonably nutritious frozen meals or canned meals in stock so if I have a day with not enough spoons to cook my own food, I have an easy option to provide nutrition.

I'll also eat comfort meals for the way they can soothe me.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistics

Do my comrades start their convos with the dog or their dog’s owner?

@actuallyautistic @actuallyautistics

IzabelaKaramia,
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@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic @actuallyautistics

You talk to the dog of course.

IzabelaKaramia, to random
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Awake and puttering about some because I don't work today so it's okay if I go back to bed some point and sleep in later

Still thinking a lot about monotropism and the ideas of tunnels and flow states. How my sense is that it was much much easier for me when young to enter flow states and think about the things that interested and gave me pleasure. Those flow states are harder to enter now and harder to maintain.

It seems probable that trauma could affect autism in that way.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Because awake, played Wordle early for the 500th time.

Stats say win% of 98, current streak 31, max streak of 104

Never solved in 1
25x solved in 2
132x solved in 3
190x solved in 4
95x solved in 5
47x solved in 6

Which means 11x that I lost

In lots of ways, the pandemic really destroyed my marginal ability to mask my autistic self. Though masking never fully masked it. And it's quite real that NTs feel discomfort about autistics, even if both sides are unconscious about that difference

devxvda, to random

The side effects of my recent vaccination are kicking in. Absolutely freezing cold in bed even though it's 20 degrees. Hope it passes soon

IzabelaKaramia,
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@devxvda

Lollipop?

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