Lucia

Lucia, 24 days ago to random

Is there a way to make my cat stop sprinting out of the cat box across all surfaces in her path with her grimy litter feet to the opposite end of my home? NO, because you can't make a cat do shit.

Lucia, 28 days ago to random

Does anyone remember what the inside of a library looks like? /j

Lucia, 29 days ago to random

Surprisingly I feel like a cute bat today, so I shall preserve that sensation by NOT taking a selfie lol. Sure path to ruining the feels the way my brain is lately.

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

Feeling the darkness starting to settle in. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm usually not.

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

I don't understand how people love rhubarb so much. Cooked, it tastes like squishy nostalgia and desperation with a squeeze of lemon.

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

Tried to take selfie, felt ugly, then dropped phone in cat water. A sign

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

I'm the Craigslist seller your mother warned you about. Bats spread rabies.

(Awaiting a buyer to pick up my rabbit cages I no longer use)

Lucia, 1 month ago to mentalhealth

Well, today I slept til about 9am which is super late for me. Then about 30 mins later fell back asleep til around 11. This is after staying in bed all day yesterday playing my ps5, which I'm also doing today.

Needless to say this is outside of my norm of waking up around 7am. My head feels fucked, and I just can't use any brain function aside from vegetation via game. I tried talking to my aunt about what's going on with my head. but couldn't verbally articulate my thoughts well enough to be of any help to her with regards to helping me (that was last night after a full day of being out of home base, very exhausted).

I've discussed this quite a bit with my therapist, with regards to getting med adjustment via a couple day inpatient visit to a local behavioral health facility here in town. This is supposed to be the next step if my prn med doesn't help, otherwise this could go on for weeks or months.

If course rest and isolation from stressors is right up there in importance with the prn med. I'm kinda OK just doing nothing in a zero stimulus environment, but leaving my cave as I've had to do a few times in past few days, has made things worse.

The problem is that I have been affected by the stress from my moving and living situation, and have been working outside my comfort zone with my aunt to get my finances and life in order. I'd legit be homeless in addition to broke if she wasn't helping me, but it's taking its toll.

My aunt is now on a joint checking and savings account with me, and is fully managing it for me. I will also be canceling my credit cards. I have to tell her about literally every dollar I spend, and for the first time since divorce I'm on a budget.

Anyways, the latter bit about my finances, that's a big part of my stress and current mental and emotional degradation, and it's not going to just go away.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Schizoaffective #Schizophrenia #Bipolar

Lucia, 1 month ago to mentalhealth

Sometimes when I'm in Standby Mode™️ I want to post about why I'm not posting. But actually it's boring af. I'm not feeling "right" currently, but also can't put my finger on what it is I'm experiencing rn.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness

Lucia, 1 month ago to trans

At one of my many stops yesterday I needed to change name, address, and gender. Was working either a very nice lady who had been with the business for 18 years and had never done it before, nor had she known of anybody who had done it.

At no point did she make me feel like I was an inconvenience despite being very busy and very short staffed and her needing to check with her manager a few times. Also, there were several technology fails as she tried to access and change my info in the antiquated database. I provided her with bountiful patience and she provided me with a pleasant experience.

#Trans

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

In the past couple weeks I've had surprise:

$1300 water heater repair
$1400 payment after closing of home sale because s
they fucked up in closing
$3300 I owe to IRS

This was supposed to be what I live off of for several months while I wait on disability. I have no money.

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

Changed my name and gender with my insurance policy. Being a girl cost me an extra $50 for 6 months.

I became more dangerous, statistically. There are multiple obvious problems with this.

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

While pondering my tendency to do what I call "batshit posting," when I am mentally unwell, with rapid fire posting rate, it occurred to me that it is a form of echolocation whereupon I am pinging the airwaves for connection😂

🦇🔊〰️🔊〰️🦇

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

I'm putting off getting water hooked up to my camper because of anxiety. But also I badly want a shower. Haven't showered since Thursday.

My anxiety is that I will encounter a leak in the system. There is no evidence that I will, but this is what my brain tells me. Sooo... solution is to not do the thing, and there won't be a leak.

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

The entry to my bathroom in my camper is over 6ft high, but I am not slouching enough to stop bumping my head.

Lucia, 1 month ago to trans

Me: Walks into coffee shop, passes table of lovely elder women.

One of the women, quietly mutters to friends while staring at me: "She is tall."

I'll take it. Was feeling ugly today, but a "she" helps.

#Trans

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

You might think that wearing a skirt with leggings is colder than pants with leggings in cool or cold weather. I find that the skirt keeps me more cozy and warm.

Lucia, 1 month ago to schizoaffective

I sat in a room with my ex and 3 kids and told them I have schizoaffective disorder and we talked about what that means for me and for them.

It went really well, and lots of good questions were asked. Nobody treated me like a serial killer monster took me over.

Psychotic disorders are so stigmatized, and hard to talk about. But I felt like I owe it to all of them to arm them with real knowledge. They know I'm still the same person I was when I had the undiagnosed disorder.

It was hard to do, but also cathartic. I told them that I'm sure they will have questions as they process this on their own, and to go ahead and ask me. I'm trying to be open, doing my part to destigmatize the illness with my kids and their mother.

Also my ex apologized for misgendering me, but said that it's just hard to get used to, and she isn't doing it maliciously, she is trying to get it right. It felt sincere.

I imagine my ex will get some catharsis as well, because there were certainly times throughout our marriage when this illness made things worse. I'm sure she is having plenty of "aha" moments as she processes.

She thanked me for talking to her, in the same room. Up until I took olanzipine for the past month, this was not possible--I couldn't shelf my delusions around her long enough to feel safe talking about anything more than basic child info.

Anyways, I'm sure at some point I'll fall back into psychosis and ruin any good progress that might come of this discussion, but hopefully not.

#Schizoaffective #schizophrenia #Bipolar #Psychosis #MentalHealth #MentalIllness