Lucia

Lucia, 2 months ago to mentalhealth

I am awake, with coffee in my veins, nearly mentally and emotionally prepared to continue with the second half of my SSDI 10 page function report.

It's super stressful because it's a pretty important form. But also my therapist and psych have received similar paperwork. My therapist has been working with me for nearly... 8 or 9 years I think (time is a soup) and she knows me better than anybody here in my life bubble, and I trust her to give an accurate picture of my function/lack of.

I've been whinging about the hell I live in having to work, and how hard it is, since the earliest days (the actual work expected from me was minimal and easy, also should be enjoyable because it was related to what i studied in college). So this won't seem like I'm complaining about it out of nowhere--complaining is pretty light descriptor for somebody who has curled up crying and psychotic on the floor of a locked office.

(Side note, I am super distracted and irritated by the starlings nesting in the rain gutter--noisy, tappy, scratchy, clicky. But it won't be my problem in a week)

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Schizoaffective #Schizophrenia #Bipolar

18+ Lucia, 2 months ago to schizoaffective

Am definitely starting to slide into declining mental health. My main evidence is just feeling weird and not right, in a familiar way. There are other symptoms too, but unless the pattern holds, it's potentially attributable to being exhausted-- from all my moving activity probably.

It's early in the evening and I feel like I just need to call in sick tomorrow (to myself), but also I have barely over a week to get out. This is a crossroads where I have to gamble--either proactively take a day break to try to hold off relapse, or push through and get shit done, possibly causing me to slip faster.

Idk. Wish I could just yell YOLO! like a berserker, but no.

#MentaHealth #MentalIllness #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #Bipolar

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

I think my ex is mad at me because I'm way hotter than her. So much resentment and spite in that meat vessel of hers.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

I love my NB peeps here.

That's all.

Lucia, 2 months ago to mentalhealth

I love talking about anxiety, not because I like anxiety, but I know a lot about it and like to help others understand it.

Did you know there are people who experience no anxiety? There are people who have experienced so little anxiety that they don't know what it is when it happens to them, and they are convinced they are instead having a heart attack? There are people who experience anxiety 24/7?

All anxiety is valid, and it doesn't hurt anyone to validate the anxiety felt by others if they open up to you. It is no place to one up them. To the person having anxiety for the first time, it can feel life threatening, even if it seems to be "less than" your own anxiety. We live in an anxious world now.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Anxiety

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

I'm doing the thing where I have flashbacks to last night's dreams, and it makes me not want to go to bed and repeat having uncomfortable dreams.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

Sometimes I want to treat my cat to something nice, so I leave a box, tote, or paper bag open for her.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

Here it is. Home sweet home for probably about the next year. This will give me time to sort out disability and all the government assistance stuff I have to apply for, without hemorrhaging all my money on an expensive lease.

I'd rather not have to do this primarily because it's going to lessen the custody time I get to spend with my kids. But, it will be an adventure for all of us.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

You ever listen to a song and picture your pet/s singing it to you?

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

Getting things packed at a decently consistent pace. Now that I have a camper to live in I can really get to packing. I really don’t mind living in small space, but it means I will have greatly reduced custody with my kids.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

Going to look at a camper trailer tomorrow morning. My family who lives down the road from me wants to help me get on my feet and not piss away all my money before I am accepted for disability and housing subsidization. They have come up with a plan that includes me getting a used camper and living on their property while I apply for government assistance, including food, which will hopefully go through before years end. Who knows tho.

They have developed a sort of financial plan too. My aunt is going to manage my small sum of money and keep me from Impulsively pissing it away as I am won't to do.

Anyways, yeah, might have a new to me camper home tomorrow.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

When I first decided to go by "Lucía" I thought I’d use it temporarily as a placeholder name while I thought up "something better." It grew on me, and of course is now my legal and real name.

Early on I’d say, "I just don’t want to be called Lucy," and I’m not sure why I had that preference. I’ve told people if they want an alternative they could call me Luz as a nickname. Mostly people use the full name, but… there have been a few people who called my "Lucy." Somehow, once I got more used to Lucía, a switch flipped, and my brain started picturing "Lucy" as "Lucí" and suddenly the same sound as Lucy became acceptable to my brain 😂

18+ Lucia, 2 months ago to trans

A very red batgirl house goblin who is spending the day dying clothes, making bread, and watching happy making videos on my tablet.

I never wear these red clothes, but decided I would today because I'm just hanging out and recovering from yesterday.

The only garment I really do like is the black floral stretchy top under the flannel. I love the feel and color of the flannel but it is absurdly short on me. So it gets rolled up sleeves and tied bottom.

I have never worn a tied shirt, so my eyes are not used to it and I'm not sure if I like it. Does it look dumb? Because I'd be fine to just not wear the shirt anymore and scrap it for fabric, but am experimenting first.

The skirt is one of two first skirts I bought when I atomized my egg. The other was same skirt in blue with a pseudo southwest pattern. Currently I'm not a fan of the blue or red one now, over a year later.

Anyways, yes, a house goblin wearing trashy (meaning I could trash them) treasures. The worst part of this pic is having no makeup on 😂 (A little residual eyeliner), barely any jewelery, full goblin.

#Trans #SelfCare.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

My lease application for an apartment was rejected, because my credit took a hit this year. I have to find a cosigner.

I went to the lease management office and cried. Not sure if it did any good, but I feel like this is a privilege of being a girl that cries easily who used to pretend to be a boy, who cried easily.

I didn't pretend to cry, but I knew that I would if I went in person. Go me.

Lucia, 2 months ago to trans

My mom was visiting me this morning, and when talking to her grandkids, she used he/him sevwral times when referring to me. It felt like a fucking cold handed tiddie twister to me.

I just messaged her to ask if she would please not use he/him. I also said, "I imagine it is hard for you, but I can assure you it's harder for me."

No response yet.

#Trans