biscuit_tornado

biscuit_tornado, 14 days ago to random

we regret to inform you that "kink night" at first presbyterian was an ineffective outreach tool and has been canceled

biscuit_tornado, 14 days ago to random

I am "dreamed I went to a swinger's club and left early to go home and sleep instead" years old

biscuit_tornado, 14 days ago to random

taco bell branded edible underwear ain't the absolute worst idea I ever heard, but it's up there, for sure

biscuit_tornado, 18 days ago to random

you could put a voice chip in a suction-cup dildo that just says "china" and "secure the border" and "liberal agenda" and it could win the indiana republican gubernatorial primary. congrats to mike braun who has less of a platform and far less personality than the dildo

biscuit_tornado, 18 days ago to random

after years of short-form video popularity, I break into a cold sweat when I see one that starts out with a white lady's well-manicured hands over a kitchen counter, reaching for ingredients that Should Not go together

biscuit_tornado, 27 days ago to random

my parents had a chow that barked at snow, growled at me if I put a hat on and wagged her tail immediately upon hat removal, and loyally hung out with my dad every day of his early retirement

my dad -- a lifelong republican until 2016 -- somehow never entertained the possibility of taking her to a gravel pit and executing her, and in fact might have gotten into a fistfight with anyone who suggested this

biscuit_tornado, 28 days ago to random

I'm not going to say conclusively that bringing back those little customizable finger skateboards would solve all our problems but I'm not not saying that

biscuit_tornado, 28 days ago to random

the thing about trying to write dystopian fiction is that things are so stupid now that you might wind up starting a cult when you get it exactly right