Edit: well that was a fun experiment. The Reddit-esque nature of just approving contrary, trite statements is rife here on Lemmy too.
The person I replied to was correct. If English is your second language it’s forgivable. For the rest of you, speak to your local member about the state of education where you live. Jfc.
Quick background: I live in a house with my sibling and their parents. My sibling is not legally or biologically related to me, but they ARE my sibling. My sibling’s parents are not my parents, but we are collectively a ‘family,’ in many senses of the word. I call my sibling’s parents “the Elders of Plumley” as...
What you’re referring to is called ‘active listening’.
It’s demonstrating via body language and/or vocalising that the speaker has your attention. It can go further to demonstrating you understand what’s being said but that’s not always the case.
No one is ND in my household as far as I’m aware, but I did have a similar issue with my partner. When he speaks to me, I put down my phone or book, or pause/mute the TV, look at him and make eye contact and at the very least make ‘mm’ noises, or ‘really?’ ‘wow’ ‘huh’ ‘ok’ or paraphrase what he’s said to either confirm or demonstrate I understand him. It’s how I was brought up. It’s how I function at work.
He does none of those things and will get annoyed if I stop taking and ask if he’s listening. He always says he is, but gives absolutely no visual or audible signs that he is.
So it became a point of contention in our relationship. For me what he was doing was rude. I felt stupid talking into the void with no response. Whereas he said he didn’t feel that responding was necessary.
My first approach was passive aggression, I’m not proud to say. I started doing exactly what he was doing when I spoke to him. He haaaaaated it. Kept pausing to ask if I was listening. Got to the point where he’d pick up the remote and pause what I was watching before he started talking to me. It was ridiculous on both our parts and caused a tonne of fights. But the one positive was that I could say to him ‘do you know how rude I felt behaving that way? Did it feel rude to you? Why? Surely you’re not knowingly being rude to me?’
Anyway, the penny dropped. Now he knows he has to give me a perfunctory grunt when I start speaking to indicate he’s listening. And honestly that’s enough for me. If it’s a serious issue or I need his input (so I’m not just rambling about something funny I read or venting about work), I’ll pause, he’ll notice and he’ll drop whatever he’s doing to give me attention.
So that’s all to say, if the person genuinely is listening, they may just need to be told that they’re creating frustration for both of you, and it’s perceived as rude. That all they have to do is make a sound of acknowledgment. That more will be expected from them in the workplace and now might be a good time to start practicing. YMMV with ND but it’s a worthwhile conversation.
Not just my job, but the entire industry I’m in. I get paid really well, and I like some of the fine details, but overall I don’t like it. My skill-set isn’t very transferable either.
I’m very good at what I do and people hire me for my skills and experience. They assume that I have this level of ability because I’m passionate about what I do.
I find what I do boring and pointless. As I’m sending a deliverable that I’ve worked for weeks on, my only thoughts are relief that it’s done and what a waste of time it was. My clients thinking what I do is important is what keeps a roof over my head. But I think it’s fucking stupid.
There’s a whole emperor wears no clothes situation going on. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I find it hard to keep a straight face in meetings.
But I’m very aware of my privilege. I’m lucky I’m good at this and I’m lucky people pay me for it. But I’d rather just go lie in the backyard and stare at the floaters in my eyes all day than go to another networking opportunity, or conference, or listen to a podcast about my industry.
I know you can visit some theme parks at certain times of year to avoid many children, however what I mean are theme parks built more for imaginative and fun-loving adults....
I want to get back into creative writing, and for work I prefer to take handwritten notes (I have my own weird shorthand and it helps with retention). I’d also like the ability to write at night and not disturb my partner....
I love how whatever the towing company said in reference to them taking legal action is just ‘bla BLA bla’, but whatever this genius is rambling about is completely legit.
I think we’re the only middle aged couple with no kids on this street and adjacent ones. Every couple I’ve seen even remotely near our age when we walk our dog either has children or a pram.
Did try to make friends with some new neighbours a while back that were roughly our age. Very friendly first chat, they were both enthusiastic about greeting us - they approached us first.
The first thing they asked was whether we had children, when we said no they were visibly disappointed and seemed to lack interest in furthering the conversation.
Had she done that when you were younger and she assumed you would have kids? I can kinda empathise with that. Making them I mean… But giving them to you…? Yeesh.
The boomers assumed we’d follow the same predetermined path as they did. My mum certainly thought I would, and so did I up until my late 20s. It was then when I realised whenever I thought about having kids it was with a sense of dread for something I assumed was inevitable.
Lucky for me my sister had a whole bunch so the pressure was off.
What’s really interesting to me is how much time they invest in this stuff. It’s not exactly interesting. And there’s no tangible result for them, other than ending up in court. They do end up having to pay tax or whatever it is they’re trying to dodge.
What do they get out of it?
These sovcits obsessed with sticking to the DMV just seem like flat earthers - there’s no actual point to the obsession.
Our dog is a mixed breed, big old baby at 10 years old. He’s always been sweet, pulled his punches playing with tiny dogs, very soft mouth when he uses it etc. if he ever accidentally hurt one of us he’d immediately look concerned, try to lick you better etc.
But he’s old now and getting cranky. I’ve been trying to explain to my partner that getting all up in his grill used to be playful for him, but now you can tell it’s kinda pissing him off. He’s started to get a bit snappy if he puts his face in his after repeatedly giving signals he doesn’t want it.
I said ‘don’t put him in a position where he hurts you - we’ll all be upset but it’s going to be your fault’.
When I got a big dog I paid attention to the breeds he came from (not bully breeds but still) and made sure I learnt his visual cues. I’ve also made sure I’ve adapted as he’s gotten older and his behaviours change.
I say all this because while he is my baby, he’s still a large animal with a significant bite force. There’s nothing historically about his breeds to worry about, but that doesn’t matter. I’ve put a lot of effort into making sure he’s safe, and my vigilance hasn’t changed. He’s a lovely dog, but he’s a dog.
Now add a breed type with built in aggression and lock jaw. I strongly believe that the people who decide to get these dogs don’t do any of the above. They’re blindly playing with fire and they have no smoke alarms.
I just don’t understand. If you bring a living creature into your life, you owe it to them and everyone around to make sure it can interact safely. I’ve watched people let their dogs almost attack mine because they haven’t seen the cues. I’ve stepped in because I have. Like how the fuck do you not know when your dog is not happy but I can see it a mile away? It’s so bloody negligent.
Anyway, big rant. But this dog would’ve shown signs of being on edge and that would’ve been bad enough with any dog. But these breeds? Why risk it?
I'm in this meme (lemmy.world)
I'm tired... (lemmy.world)
ALAT. (lemmy.world)
Alternate ways of communicating/saying "I'm listening"?
Quick background: I live in a house with my sibling and their parents. My sibling is not legally or biologically related to me, but they ARE my sibling. My sibling’s parents are not my parents, but we are collectively a ‘family,’ in many senses of the word. I call my sibling’s parents “the Elders of Plumley” as...
I don't like my job
Not just my job, but the entire industry I’m in. I get paid really well, and I like some of the fine details, but overall I don’t like it. My skill-set isn’t very transferable either.
Are there theme parks specifically for adults?
I know you can visit some theme parks at certain times of year to avoid many children, however what I mean are theme parks built more for imaginative and fun-loving adults....
Recommendations re writing tablets e.g. reMarkable
I want to get back into creative writing, and for work I prefer to take handwritten notes (I have my own weird shorthand and it helps with retention). I’d also like the ability to write at night and not disturb my partner....
Aboriginal Clapback To White Australian Goes Viral (youtu.be)
cross-posted from: lemmy.ml/post/15992153...
Evolution sucks (mander.xyz)
Grocery shopping (lemmy.world)
Bing
Probably the worst thing I ever tried. (cosdobrego.eu)
I almost puked while preparing this from the smell alone. Went to the trash after two bites.
What's the worst natural disaster you've been in?
What's the most seeming trivial thing you'll turn down a GF or BF for?
Sovereign citizen thinks they can argue with the towing company. (lemmy.world)
What's the most notable difference between you and the other people in your neighborhood?
Rishi Sunak takes gamble by calling UK general election for 4 July (www.theguardian.com)
PM announces date with Tories trailing Labour by 20 points in polls, saying it is ‘the moment for Britain to choose its future’
What did someone want to gift you the last time you wanted to turn down the gift (and why)?
Sovcit made her own license plate out of cardboard. (lemmy.world)
Four hundred XL bullies put down in England and Wales since dog banned (www.theguardian.com)
Figures come as neighbour of London woman killed by her animals say they warned the dogs were dangerous...