elfpie

@elfpie@beehaw.org

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elfpie,

I don’t think it’s the same concern. It’s not that people will become pedophiles or act on it more because of the normalization and exposure. It’s people will see less of a problem with the sexualization of children. The parallel being the amount of violence we are OK being depicted. The difference being we can only emulate in a personal level the sexual side.

Maybe there’s the argument that violence is escapist, sexual desire is ever present and porn is addictive.

When you have other tools, but are too used to the hammer

Lip balms here usually have a cap that you just pull to open, and that’s what I had been doing with the latest one I bought. Several times in the several weeks since I first opened it, I thought it’s really too hard an action. Today, maybe because I’m sick and weaker, I stopped to consider my repeated internal criticism...

elfpie,

We really should moderate the titles more. I just realized that every article I ignored I basically accepted as truth. Or, at least, my brain accepted as truth in the background. I’ll see the same lie twice a day everyday and start processing as fact.

elfpie,

I understand the sentiment. By saying we, I meant myself and the other users. We should take more responsibility for what we share. Maybe we can try to make that part of the culture. The title should be the information we personally want to spread or call to attention.

elfpie,

I think submitting the whole article will put the instance in danger of copyright strikes.

elfpie,

Adapting is a survival mechanism most times. You do it because you have no choice. Conforming would be accepting the status quo, that you’ll always have to adapt because it can’t be changed.

Personally, I believe we should aspire to shrink standards and embrace more variety. It’s more work for a lot of people, but it would benefit everyone in the long run.

Adapt if it doesn’t hurt you. Create space for the other if the only argument against is it’s going to be inconvenient.

elfpie,

I read it as being at least one of the three. If it’s not kind, is it a relevant fact? If it’s only your opinion, does that contribute to the discussion?

I think the questions are a tool to make us aware of our behavior. People have issues and can get triggered without noticing and engage in a conversation to their own detriment. Be kind is generic. Do you really want to attack and cause harm to someone else (someone might, BTW)? Are you using facts as a weapon? Is it in your best interest to say something, or in the interest of something positive?

Also, if the reason is to distract yourself, that’s a reason. It’s not a good reason all the time though.

elfpie,

We will never have as much control as we might want over the tragedies of the world. What I would suggest is for you to answer the questions you asked at least and at most once. You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it.

Do it for yourself. They say writing by hand is best. What would you have done differently? What do you wish you could have done? What would you tell your nephew? What would you tell your past self?

elfpie,

I think you are in the right path by seeing a way forward both for yourself and and in relation to your niece. Also, sometimes it’s important to be explicit and say whatever may be necessary. Just saying you’ll be there for the people in need might be an opening they can explore in the future. Mostly, be open.

elfpie,

It does in my opinion. Put an “OK?” at the end so they can confirm. Just so they don’t see it as a meaningless offer.

elfpie,

I just realized how queer my favorites are. Mostly long form essayists, but entertainers. I’m too tired now to offer good descriptions, but they are worth it.

**Jessica Kellgren-Fozard (www.youtube.com/)**My number one feel good channel. LGBTQ+, vintage fashion, disabilities, media analysis, historical profiles, parenting tips. A lot.

**Jessie Gender (www.youtube.com/c/lostrekkie)**Nerd content, trans content, good content with kindness and nuance. Just don’t threaten her well being.

**Rowan Ellis (www.youtube.com/)**Media analysis focused on queer topics.

**Shanspeare (www.youtube.com/)**Discussions around pop culture while being fabulous.

**verilybitchie (www.youtube.com/)**Smart, funny, varied topics.

**Tara Mooknee (www.youtube.com/)**The only youtube channel written and produced by a cow.

talistheintrovert (www.youtube.com/)“If you like listening to people complain about things, then boy am I the channel for you!”

Princess Weekes (www.youtube.com/)“Talking about pop culture, race, feminism, and other social issues with a lot of nuance and profanity.”

Khadija Mbowe (www.youtube.com/)“Cool, fun, Queer Aunty”- Their branding, “Big sister or friend their head.”- Their comment section, “A sentient garbage disposal.”- Their own words

**Philosophy Tube (www.youtube.com/)**There’s a lot to learn, even if I personally ignore the specifics.

**Maggie Mae Fish (www.youtube.com/)**Perfect balance between funny and informative and unhinged. Movies from an interesting point of view.

**Mia Mulder (www.youtube.com/)**Don’t care for philosophy? Some history for you.

elfpie,

What I wanted to express is the separation that exists between what a persons is and their actions. People find it hard to accept that there’s bigotry in their actions if there’s no bigotry in their hearts, and that it doesn’t matter to the people that suffer.

elfpie,

I agree, but this time I’m writing not to ask comprehension from the people affected by the ignorance, but to ask all those that are called out for their behavior to stop and pay attention to what others are saying.

elfpie,

The point is educating and helping people understand my point of view. I can’t assume it’s obvious for everyone, so I expand and offer more digestible parcels. Or I try at least.

elfpie,

This text is really to those just asking questions. They have to understand how their questions have a negative impact when open to the public.

elfpie,

I thought using a specific example would be better than using X, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Think about internalized transphobia. Internalized anything actually. It doesn’t matter who you are. Being a trans person won’t make one immune. For some people, in some cases, simply making they aware of their behavior is enough to bring a change, although it’s potentially something really ingrained.

You can be genuinely nice and be a bigot, that’s why I would say treating with the same respect and dignity is not always enough. The sameness is the issue. You in particular might adapt to everyone, but, in my experience, people are much more literal.

elfpie,

TW: examples of transphobic discourse

spoilerWould you consider calling trans people cross dressers transphobic? Some decades ago, there were trans people calling themselves exactly that. The way we talk about gender nowadays is more widespread and saying something like this will invalidate a person’s identity. So, someone in their ignorance describes a trans woman as a drag queen or say they are the same. Is that transphobic? Is there a problem with saying it’s absurd to call women people who menstruate if the one saying it doesn’t realize how misguided they are? It’s not about the person saying it, it’s about who has to experience this violence - over and over again. And here is what I felt wrong for thinking. If you see gender as a social construct, why reinforce the norms in your transition? Why not just live without them? Which was my non binary brain trying to get in gear as I understand now.

elfpie,

Thank you for this comment. It’s a very clean explanation.

elfpie,

My intended audience likes to lurk in these spaces and pop in to offer academic arguments when people are talking about their very real lives. Psychologically, I’d say they get dissonance from reading something and comment to deal with it.

You are right about my intention. We do make mistakes. I actually believe we have to if we want to progress, but not at the expense of other people.

elfpie,

Thank you for checking in. I really do need more kindness in my life. It wasn’t a personal post. I used myself as an example, and transphobia, so it wouldn’t be totally abstract. There’s a comment here that says what I wanted to express in a more direct way.

elfpie,

But they are not equivalent. People that erase trans people read it like that and project. In a medical setting, the biology is important and the language makes sure all parts involved are included in the conversation.

elfpie,

Variety is good for your brain, but it will overwhelm you after a while. You get used to it and a blind spot appears. With the information I have, I’d suggest planning your day around one activity. Be on theme.

You start your day with a goal and imagine how you can achieve it. The planning is one activity by the way. You plan for house long you will do any given thing continuously and where the pauses will be. One hour and then fifteen minutes rest? After a pause, you can reflect upon the subject, write about it, see if you haven’t stayed off course, basically process, rinse and repeat.

It’s weird being this generic, unfortunately I see no other way.

elfpie,

There’s an argument in favor of using the expression they chose. It taints it. They can say TERF is a slur, but, if the discussion about how horrible and wrong they are uses gender critical, they lose one deflection and anyone interested in the subject will see negative results in their research.

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