elfpie

@elfpie@beehaw.org

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elfpie,

As you can see, you’re bisexual for the community by the way you describe how you feel. With that said, don’t fell pressured to use a label. If it oppresses you, drop it. They are there to help you understand yourself, not to guide your behavior.

elfpie,

The reason behind the rules might help with that. Don’t be a dick and be nice are more about being respectful and understanding than following etiquette. From my point of view at least. The specific way you act is not a problem until it’s related to another person.

What I mean is that the way people perceive you is the important part. If someone accuses you of being a dick and you disagree, don’t defend your words, explain your attitude. At the same time, don’t go around accusing people of beings dicks and try to see if it’s not just miscommunication.

The letter of the law entitle people to not care for any harm they cause if it’s in their rights. Then there are the people that realize pain is what the law tries to avoid and act to correct themselves without the need of being guilty.

elfpie,

Twenty years ago, before I questioned anything about myself, I fell in a pattern of looking for queer friendly spaces when looking for nice clans inside games I played. It’s a shorthand for receptive spaces that I use even today.

elfpie,

What exactly worries you?

How do you tell gender envy from attraction?

I am currently on vacation and going to the beach sucks because I see these girls my age and think “Holy shit, I want to look like that.” But then I get heavy impostor syndrome. Maybe this is just me being attracted and wanting to be trans, so my brain makes it think it’s envious when it’s just attracted? So, how do you...

elfpie,

Something that helped me was stop trying to fit into definitions. A word for an identity is very useful to communicate who you are, but starting by figuring out the small parts might be better in the beginning.

How would you like to express yourself to the world? What would make you happy? What do you reppress? What do you find attractive? How many forms of attraction do you perceive?

Question yourself, even when you think you have already found the answer. We change over time, in the sense we understand ourselves better over time, which means our truth is limited by what we know in the various different periods of our life.

You can try journaling. Write about your doubts and the thoughts that go through your head and you might find some patterns along the way.

elfpie,

Can I vent a little in your behalf? I’m in a good place now, so it won’t sip my energy.

I would put the variation “you’re strong” together with the other wannabe advices. They don’t help anyone. If you are having a bad day, or specially bad bad day, you need to act accordingly. People should learn how to give your space to be down and not try to yank you out of it the moment you stop pushing.

elfpie,

I felt the same when I applied. It’s someone’s time. Be honest and direct, they will get it and that’s the reason you want to join.

elfpie,

Please do. Don’t fell pressure to write elaborate essays if the thought is incomplete. Opening discussions attract others in the same boat.

elfpie,

A company causes harm to an employee. First solution: reassign the employee so they can still be useful (to the company) with no further reparations.

Same company decides they employees should be doing more inside their functions, causes harm again to the same employee. Second solution: terminate the employee with no further reparations.

Supreme court: they can walk, hear and see, all other pain or impediments doesn’t count.

elfpie,

It’s really good and comprehensive. The tragedy is that so many people simply won’t read it.

elfpie,

The article is mostly clickbait. It sensationalize a reality we are already used to: fake advertisement. I’m from Brazil by the way.

I just want to talk about a specific point in the article. When they refer to the digital literacy as lacking compared to the wide adoption of technology. Android is the most common system here, more so if you don’t have any money. The one that people find surprisingly complex or difficult. Which means nothing because it’s social engineering using people with smartphone cameras.

elfpie,

I think of money as one form of contribution. People should contribute more instead of simply asking from a place of entitlement.

elfpie,

I believe you have good intentions and we should be posting more, but the way you propose we do it is dangerous. You created an algorithm for a karma farm bot.

The part that you said we need more content to attract more content is correct. I treat it in a slightly different way. Just post what you want to read. Maybe the engagement won’t be high, but I don’t need hundreds of comments to feel satisfied with a discussion. A different point of view goes a long way.

Tildes, Beehaw and the nature of safe spaces

This is not a comparison between Tildes and Beehaw. The question really is what constitutes a safe space, but looking at them side by side was at made me think about this issue. I’m new in both communities and I’m aware that they are in a state of adaptation with all the newcomers, something to keep in mind. Another detail...

elfpie,

It’s enough to know that certain behaviors are unacceptable and will eventually be dealt with.

elfpie,

Toxic rationalism is a good take. The term elitism didn’t seem correct, but the uncomfortable feeling that I sometimes have is the privilege that permeates that site. I said the world is a dangerous place before, but it’s more dangerous for specific segments of the society.

elfpie,

How can someone ridicule the idea of safe spaces? That’s what we all want. And it’s not just an idea, it’s a reality. Our houses are the ultimate safe spaces. As a teacher, I bet anyone would stop going to a class if the best teacher of the world called you a dumbass for every single mistake that you made.

We all expect or wish to be safe in our everyday lives. The ones that specifically look for safe spaces are the people that are not safe.

elfpie,

OK. I hear you, but I want to understand better before I make any argument. Why do you personally think safe spaces are unnecessary? As I said before, the space I talk about are the rules. Do you apply the same sentiment to the world in general, as in rules are not necessary?

elfpie,

I guess what you see is what I see as well, even if our interpretations don’t align perfectly. Nothing worth arguing just for the sake of philosophical ramblings.

The part about the alt-text, though. I saw a mention to it one day and didn’t realize it became a issue. Mastodon and the fediverse suffer from trying to find an identity amid the decentralization. I think one of the reasons people are not fan of beehaw is that it has its own identity. People say they are part of the fediverse, but it’s more accurate to say they exist in it.

And you’re right about the options. We might not want or be comfortable moving, but we can. And, here at least, you’re not isolated when you go from place to place until you find the one that’s good for you.

elfpie,

Thank you for going deeper. I see now the issue with gatekeeping. You’re right, it is gatekeeping. We can express it in a more positive way, but the point is exactly not letting in people that might harm the community. As your said, it will repel potential members that would be good additions. In the future, when the community is strong enough and is able to deal with bad elements effectively, the gates won’t be that guarded.

About some things not always being clear cut, it is not that big of a issue. Saying something that sounds xenophobic is dangerous because the lack of context is only beneficial to the ones that want to cause harm. My response to the comment would be asking for clarification, but that’s my privilege, there’s no risk to me. Imagine if I’m the foreigner in the country and there’s a growing aggression against my people. I fear for my integrity and the law might be too late to protect me. A comment saying that they wish there were more people talking the local language becomes suspicious in this situation.

Imagine that someone can’t identify who I am and say I deserve to be hurt. Should I alert them I’m the one they’re taking about? What if it’s a whole room talking like that? What if it’s ten percent of a room expressing this feeling and the rest doesn’t care?

These questions are not to prove a point, but to explain the reasons for the creation of safe spaces. So we are sure the room is not quietly agreeing.

I saw a lot of comments complaining about having to answer some questions before signing up to specific instances. Not that they were rejected, but having to apply. The question is: “Are you a decent person?”. Anyone could lie, but the question is enough to show harmful behavior is not allowed and that we’ll not be silent just because we aren’t the victim of the day.

elfpie,

People seem to overreact to the loss of some convenience or extrapolate problems that are not real.

A local store being closed for a day doesn’t mean the concept is dead. One branch of a megastore having trouble doesn’t mean the whole chain sinking. Downtime is just a fact of life. Sometimes I don’t even notice that they happened.

elfpie,

The part that really amazed me was the use of the language. Nearly every human excludes the whole of Australia. Mathematically it’s probably right, but doesn’t sound right to me.

elfpie,

It's astonishing to see the hatred getting so big that it starts affecting the very people who hate and they don't even care. This law is just an excuse and a weapon to hurt people with governmental support.

Having Fun Cycling – I’m An Explorer

I went for a ride this morning expecting to get a feel of my new tires. It was a thick fog day with all the people that think they don’t need lights (drivers and riders) getting invisible too fast for comfort, so no full speed downhill. I also missed my exit and the (dirt) roads look mostly the same for long stretches,...

elfpie,

I'm trying hard to choose the right words to respect your position on the subject. If I end up offending you let me know.

I just wanted to comment about you saying you're not questioning your gender here. The way I see it, you might be, although not in the way I think you mean.

You are a woman. You define your gender by the way you choose to live your life. When you use terms like masculinity and femininity, the definition comes from the society. I see you questioning the gender by your actions, by trying to deconstruct your conceptions.

I've heard a lot that there isn't only one right way to be trans. There isn't only one right way to be cis either. Question yourself, don't judge yourself too harshly, and find your truth.

I know this wasn't what you wanted, but I thought I should say anyway.

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