i got top surgery (double mastectomy) like 3.5 years ago now. i stuck to massaging my scars because i didn’t actually want to reduce the appearance of my scars (idk why i was worried about this, they’re fucking massive LOL). i was more concerned with blood flow / nerve functionality than appearance...
interesting to consider that third places can be virtual in this day and age. i wonder how they compare in terms of healthiness… probably better than not having a third place but worse than an in person one, if i had to guess
oh that’s crazy, i saw that syntax (from my client) and went, no way that’s correct (bc of the empty square brackets). but it being alt text makes it make sense, thanks!
hate speech (of which nazi speech is a subset of) isn’t political either. it definitely should be banned because it demonstrably causes people to get hurt
insane stance to be advocating that nazis should have free speech in 2024
i had to google this because i am not a tiktok-er, and apparently women (? sample size?) are commonly stating that they would rather encounter a bear than a man if they were alone in the woods
interesting point that men often also chose the bear for the question of if they would rather have their wife / daughter stuck in the woods with a bear or a man, so that says a lot about men, as well, i think
we can derive some other mildly interesting points from this, like viewing sexual violence as potentially worse than non-sexual but fatal violence. or like, that one might have to live with societal judgement of having been sexually assaulted because there’s still a lot of assumptions that you initiated it somehow (rape culture) vs people universally having sympathy for the victim of an animal attack
overall, the unfortunate reality is that women generally view men or people who look like men as dangerous. i’m a transgender man and i’ve observed this phenomenon in a very real way as women have gone from generally friendly or neutral to detached. it sucks, but it’s not personal
however, if this really bothers you, there are actually some things you can do to help women feel more comfortable around you. this is not like… a guarantee. at the end of the day, you’re gonna have to live with jumpscaring some women if you round a corner too quick at them. that’s how life is. but, if you want to give them some signs you are not a violent person, not as a way to trick them into trusting you, but as a genuine attempt to help them feel safe:
if you change your style to be more feminine, even in subtle ways, like wearing a pink shirt or pink shoes. if you have a man purse. you don’t really need to go full femme but if you express yourself in a way that makes you look like someone secure in your masculinity (actual), it will help women understand you’re not really a threat
which i think, generally, reflects that women understand that patriarchy isn’t about men as a whole, but rather that most men haven’t confronted the ideas they were raised with in order to “be a man”, and those are the dangerous ideas they need to avoid to be safe
i think there is also an idea that expressing yourself as a softer or more feminine man will make it harder for you to get laid, and i think this may be true. however, i would suggest that women who only wanna fuck you because you’re traditionally masculine are not really the women you wanna be fucking, because they’re (probably) going to bring their own ideas of toxic masculinity to enforce on you. those are the women who are more concerned with whether or not e.g. you can change the oil on their car, that you are a “real man”, and hopefully it goes without saying that those are the ideas you want to avoid reinforcing / internalizing, even if that means turning down a sexual partner
obv transphobes should not have done that, it’s a huge overreaction to requesting pronouns and a really shitty thing to do in general
that said, i understand the dev not wanting to put a statement out. iirc the romances in stardew are fairly gendered and i can understand why it would be difficult to implement pronouns and have them be respected in romances where your gender is significant
the developer may well feel non binary people are valid and might just believe he wouldn’t be able to do them justice in the game and doesn’t wanna say that
i think it’s the right thing to do in this situation, as well as condemning the doxxing and harassment. but i understand it being a tough thing to do
uhhhhm how do you feel about it, OP? i feel like these open ended questions are kind of hard to approach without a little more context… like yea, beauty expectations on anyone, men included, are bad. so like… do you wanna talk about a particular aspect, the effects on trans men specifically, how it affects passing, or what…? or, tell us what inspired you to ask this question
rather than talk about my experience, i tend to think it’s more helpful to have cisgender people imagine themselves in similar hypothetical situations:
imagine everyone in your life started using she/her pronouns for you. how would this make you feel? how does this affect how you react to them? how does this affect how they react to you?
imagine you woke up in a female body. how would you feel? imagine you had to adjust to it for a week. then a month. then a year. then ten years. what adjustments to your life would you have to make? how does this affect how people treat you? how does this affect your behavior? how would you feel about this situation? what would you miss about your previous body?
the second experience is essentially what it’s like to be a transgender man, except it’s from birth and you don’t (necessarily) get to start with the knowledge you’re a guy (some people more intuitively figure it out than others)
these questions hopefully help you develop a sense of what gender means to you, which should help you understand what gender means to us (obv it’s not the same for everyone, and it’s pretty binary, but it’s a decent starting point)
when it gets difficult to get gel out of the pump, i was tossing the bottle. but because of laziness, i left an old bottle for a day, and i noticed that it actually can generate enough pressure to pump more testosterone since i had left it alone for that long...
yea i used to be on those, was never a fan of all the waste they produced. still, testosterone is testosterone. my protip for those is to open em with scissors lol, tearing them always made getting the gel out a pain in the ass. again, ymmv depending on what gel packets you get specifically
kind of feel weird about you both using trans men as demonstrating your argument without either of you actually being trans. there are as many kinds of trans men as there are cis, and you can find examples of those of us who enjoy conforming to stereotypical masculinity and those of us who don’t
it’s also fairly presumptuous to assume every trans person’s goal is to pass, and also to presume the intent behind the goal of passing
honestly even presuming that trans men are asking how to be men, instead of defining it for themselves, is very presumptuous
like, the points you’re making, in general, aren’t bad. but it kind of feels icky to presume a minority’s goal and to also use it as an argument, when that minority’s reasoning is wide and varied. i think most people don’t like being treated like a monolith and i think that applies here, too
trans men were also largely unnecessary for the arguments you were making. a lot of it could be said for people who want to or enjoy (or don’t!) presenting masculine, regardless of sex assigned at birth. the answer to the author’s question, why should we have positive examples of masculinity, really boils down to, because some people like being masculine, but not toxic. trans men aren’t really special in that regard
anyways, keep in mind that i don’t speak for all trans men, but this trans man felt weird about this, like i’m being referenced as a demographic with no regard for what being in the demographic is like. thanks for reading
this was a really funny article to me because the author really doesn’t seem that attached to being a man. i want to be clear, that’s fine and valid. but it seems weird to then speak to the want of men in general to have more positive role models of masculinity, and say, well you should just want positive role models
like? yeah, you can have role models of any gender, but isn’t it nice to have role models who look like you? isn’t that the entire point that people make when saying representation is important? that doesn’t stop being true just because we’re talking about men now
he’s missing such a basic and fundamental argument that the entire thing just becomes, at least for me, an externalized argument about how he feels about his own gender, which appears to be disconnected and largely not good
also he picked like, apparently the worst examples of masculinity he could find and said, yeah this is why we don’t need positive masculinity?? like c’mon
i like being a man, it’s cool. there’s a lot (A LOT) of shit i have to reconcile with being a man. but imo that’s part of the duty that comes with it. so yeah, author, it would be pretty cool to see men who had done that, who expressed their masculinity in unique and authentic ways that sometimes conform and sometimes don’t
you know. like people
(i want to take a moment to say that i have several women role models and also people whose gender identities aren’t so easily captured by the binary. but those people, generally speaking, don’t need to reconcile with the long history of people of their gender doing harm to those around them, nor with the present day scars from that harm. it’s a LOT to come to grips with understanding that you scare a lot of people just by existing, and frankly, that’s just an experience that a man is more commonly going to have to experience. exclusively? of course not. obviously, there’s a racial bias here as well. but due to the commonality, having readily available examples of how to handle it well, and even gracefully, would be nice)
How do I not eat a shit ton of food every day because of my increased appetite? I feel bloated all of the time nowadays as well. Any advice on this is welcome.
yea we need some insight into your diet to give any good advice here. also it can happen that you gain a food allergy from transitioning, so try to notice if it happens in response to a particular kind of food
yeah it’s unfortunately only anecdotal among some trans friends i know. anyways hopefully you can figure out what triggers it, could be a fiber thing too
This community sends “All lives matter” vibes. I understand that there are issues with how men are treated and there is nothing wrong with talking about it, but it does seem a little bit like a distraction from feminism issues. Women are objectively under a lot bigger threat and talking about women rights more makes a lot...
if you want to talk about women’s issues, why don’t you go to communities dedicated to that? we’re not taking away from them; we’re also feminist. we’re allied, and it’s important to have a space for men to talk about, from a feminist perspective, how the patriarchy impacts them
i don’t understand why you think space on lemmy is somehow limited?
nor do i see how your second paragraph is relevant at all
it seems like you view this community as a stereotypical MRA/MGTOW kind of place, which it definitely isn’t. and getting rid of it would leave it so men looking to talk about their issues only have those shitty places to go. that would only lead more men down the alt right rabbit hole
So, silicone strips / gel for scarring...
i got top surgery (double mastectomy) like 3.5 years ago now. i stuck to massaging my scars because i didn’t actually want to reduce the appearance of my scars (idk why i was worried about this, they’re fucking massive LOL). i was more concerned with blood flow / nerve functionality than appearance...
If you want to belong, find a third place (www.vox.com)
If you're cold, they're cold. Let him in. (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
T H E S O U R C E
An Interview With Jack Dorsey (www.piratewires.com)
About the bear...
So, I’m just assuming we’ve all seen the discussions about the bear....
premixed rule daniels (beehaw.org)
Transphobes are doxxing Stardew Valley fans after they asked the game developer for pronouns
thepinknews.com/…/stardew-valley-transphobes-doxx…
testosterone appreciation post rule
I love testosterone
Google, after protester firings, now looks just like every other company (www.axios.com)
Two Years Post-Roe: A Better Understanding of Digital Threats (www.eff.org)
The Will To Change Men, Masculinity, And Love By bell hooks (archive.org)
How do you feel about male beauty standards and expectations?
Ally in training... (lemmy.socdojo.com)
Hey all,...
Quick LPT for gel users
when it gets difficult to get gel out of the pump, i was tossing the bottle. but because of laziness, i left an old bottle for a day, and i noticed that it actually can generate enough pressure to pump more testosterone since i had left it alone for that long...
Warm Rule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
Original tweet here: twitter.com/shwoolley/status/1775262499841212426
Against Masculinity - Young men do not need a vision of “positive masculinity.” They need what everyone else needs: to be a good person who has a satisfying, meaningful life. (www.currentaffairs.org)
You see a lot of these memes about the state of the world are copy pasted from other subs (whole memes and rules) so it gets a little confusing I think its making my prozac wear off (lemmy.ml)
Why It's So Hard for Men to Say No to Sex and Why Saying Yes to Unwanted Sex Has Consequences. (www.psychologytoday.com)
Weight gain, bloating on T
How do I not eat a shit ton of food every day because of my increased appetite? I feel bloated all of the time nowadays as well. Any advice on this is welcome.
"Tradwives" offer an alluring vision of-right wing Christianity — meet the people fighting back (www.salon.com)
cross-posted from: lemmy.one/post/11673394...
This community might be harmful
This community sends “All lives matter” vibes. I understand that there are issues with how men are treated and there is nothing wrong with talking about it, but it does seem a little bit like a distraction from feminism issues. Women are objectively under a lot bigger threat and talking about women rights more makes a lot...