fracture

@fracture@beehaw.org

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

fracture,

the misandry has become less acceptable over time, probably as more “cis” girls like i was realized we weren’t so cis or girls and made some of those actually cis girls confront the things they’d said and thought during that time

but also we’ve become a lot more aware of how the patriarchy hurts men, and we’ve also become more broadly aware of feminist authors like bell hooks, who have been writing about how men need feminism too all along

fracture,

i had to google this because i am not a tiktok-er, and apparently women (? sample size?) are commonly stating that they would rather encounter a bear than a man if they were alone in the woods

interesting point that men often also chose the bear for the question of if they would rather have their wife / daughter stuck in the woods with a bear or a man, so that says a lot about men, as well, i think

we can derive some other mildly interesting points from this, like viewing sexual violence as potentially worse than non-sexual but fatal violence. or like, that one might have to live with societal judgement of having been sexually assaulted because there’s still a lot of assumptions that you initiated it somehow (rape culture) vs people universally having sympathy for the victim of an animal attack

overall, the unfortunate reality is that women generally view men or people who look like men as dangerous. i’m a transgender man and i’ve observed this phenomenon in a very real way as women have gone from generally friendly or neutral to detached. it sucks, but it’s not personal

however, if this really bothers you, there are actually some things you can do to help women feel more comfortable around you. this is not like… a guarantee. at the end of the day, you’re gonna have to live with jumpscaring some women if you round a corner too quick at them. that’s how life is. but, if you want to give them some signs you are not a violent person, not as a way to trick them into trusting you, but as a genuine attempt to help them feel safe:

if you change your style to be more feminine, even in subtle ways, like wearing a pink shirt or pink shoes. if you have a man purse. you don’t really need to go full femme but if you express yourself in a way that makes you look like someone secure in your masculinity (actual), it will help women understand you’re not really a threat

which i think, generally, reflects that women understand that patriarchy isn’t about men as a whole, but rather that most men haven’t confronted the ideas they were raised with in order to “be a man”, and those are the dangerous ideas they need to avoid to be safe

i think there is also an idea that expressing yourself as a softer or more feminine man will make it harder for you to get laid, and i think this may be true. however, i would suggest that women who only wanna fuck you because you’re traditionally masculine are not really the women you wanna be fucking, because they’re (probably) going to bring their own ideas of toxic masculinity to enforce on you. those are the women who are more concerned with whether or not e.g. you can change the oil on their car, that you are a “real man”, and hopefully it goes without saying that those are the ideas you want to avoid reinforcing / internalizing, even if that means turning down a sexual partner

fracture,

there’s no protection from a company becoming like any other without a union

fracture,

bell hooks, rest in peace. truly an incredible author, i originally learned of her from the news she had passed away :(

just wanted to post to let people know that she styled her name literally “bell hooks”, as all lowercase

fracture,

this was a really funny article to me because the author really doesn’t seem that attached to being a man. i want to be clear, that’s fine and valid. but it seems weird to then speak to the want of men in general to have more positive role models of masculinity, and say, well you should just want positive role models

like? yeah, you can have role models of any gender, but isn’t it nice to have role models who look like you? isn’t that the entire point that people make when saying representation is important? that doesn’t stop being true just because we’re talking about men now

he’s missing such a basic and fundamental argument that the entire thing just becomes, at least for me, an externalized argument about how he feels about his own gender, which appears to be disconnected and largely not good

also he picked like, apparently the worst examples of masculinity he could find and said, yeah this is why we don’t need positive masculinity?? like c’mon

i like being a man, it’s cool. there’s a lot (A LOT) of shit i have to reconcile with being a man. but imo that’s part of the duty that comes with it. so yeah, author, it would be pretty cool to see men who had done that, who expressed their masculinity in unique and authentic ways that sometimes conform and sometimes don’t

you know. like people

(i want to take a moment to say that i have several women role models and also people whose gender identities aren’t so easily captured by the binary. but those people, generally speaking, don’t need to reconcile with the long history of people of their gender doing harm to those around them, nor with the present day scars from that harm. it’s a LOT to come to grips with understanding that you scare a lot of people just by existing, and frankly, that’s just an experience that a man is more commonly going to have to experience. exclusively? of course not. obviously, there’s a racial bias here as well. but due to the commonality, having readily available examples of how to handle it well, and even gracefully, would be nice)

fracture,

fundamentalism is a coping mechanism for a deregulated nervous system

… YEAH. YEAH THAT. THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY

(i’ve been thinking about this a lot and never could quite put it into words this eloquently)

This community might be harmful

This community sends “All lives matter” vibes. I understand that there are issues with how men are treated and there is nothing wrong with talking about it, but it does seem a little bit like a distraction from feminism issues. Women are objectively under a lot bigger threat and talking about women rights more makes a lot...

fracture,

if you want to talk about women’s issues, why don’t you go to communities dedicated to that? we’re not taking away from them; we’re also feminist. we’re allied, and it’s important to have a space for men to talk about, from a feminist perspective, how the patriarchy impacts them

i don’t understand why you think space on lemmy is somehow limited?

nor do i see how your second paragraph is relevant at all

it seems like you view this community as a stereotypical MRA/MGTOW kind of place, which it definitely isn’t. and getting rid of it would leave it so men looking to talk about their issues only have those shitty places to go. that would only lead more men down the alt right rabbit hole

there’s enough space on the internet for everyone

Tumblr and Wordpress to Sell Users’ Data to Train AI Tools (www.404media.co)

this could not be timed worse for Tumblr which is in huge hot water with its userbase already for its CEO breaking his sabbatical to ban a prominent trans user for allegedly threatening him (in a cartoonish manner), and then spending a week personally justifying it increasingly wildly across several platforms. the rumors had...

fracture, (edited )

it’s not federated or open, but cohost is a tumblr-alternative run by a group of queer devs who promise not to sell the company or your data. i don’t blame you if you don’t buy into it, but i do like the platform

cohost.org/rc/welcome

edit: based on what /u/FaceDeer@kbin.social has mentioned about the TOS, as well as further elaboration i found in a thread about it (twitter.com/rahaeli/status/1588769277053739010), i don’t think i can responsibly advocate for cohost, even as a closed/private alternative to tumblr

How do you deal with suicidal thoughts?

I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create....

fracture, (edited )

suicidal ideation is a common coping mechanism for feeling trapped. i think saying it like this helps because it draws a clear line of causality; you feel trapped -> you feel suicidal. i don’t think this accounts for 100% of cases, but from both research and experience, it seems fairly common

this also seems to apply to how you’re feeling. it seems like you feel trapped in regard to two situations; one, your job, and two, your anhedonia (fancy word for “can’t feel happy”)

suicidal ideation is, in my opinion, a sign you need to seriously reconsider your consent about your current life. here’s a personal example to illustrate this: when i was a couple of years into college, i was passively suicidal from working myself so hard all the time and not doing anything to enjoy myself. i had to take a step back, and seriously reconsider two things: one, that i had never given myself the choice of doing anything other than college (my parents simply insisted i did, and i had no better plans); and two, that nothing in college was worth burning myself out for, and that i needed to set aside time to enjoy myself, the mounting pile of homework be damned. this addresses consent in two ways: the first, that i hadn’t consented to this path in life (and was now, retroactively, giving myself the opportunity to either drop out or continue), and the second, that i wouldn’t consent to a life where i was only working and never enjoying myself

so i feel like, following this train of logic, it works out to a problem you can solve with your job (how can you get to a place where you have the time to engage with things you enjoy? do you need to scale back your hours? do you get paid enough to use money to offset the hours you’d have to put into cooking / cleaning / etc? can you put extra time in upfront so you can have more time off later? etc)

anhedonia is a little tougher, because it’s hard to know if it’s caused by the situation. i would try to improve your situation with your job and see if it improves. if it doesn’t, you should look into seeing a psychiatrist (and also maybe a therapist). anhedonia is a common symptom as a result of being in a prolonged fight/flight state, which i imagine has gone along with your job stress. however, you may have trouble coming out of it on your own, even with the job stress sorted. regardless, please keep in mind that it is not a permanent problem. your joy will return to you in time

other things you can do in the meantime are to practice deep breathing exercises, try to exercise in general (yoga is especially good for this kind of thing), take some walks outside in nature, try to be present in the moment and in your body

but i think it really just shakes out to making life worth living for yourself, which i definitely believe that you can achieve. it may take time, it may be difficult, but knowing that’s where that time and effort will lead makes that struggle worth enduring

fracture,

yeah. rich. short for eldrich.

fracture,

incidentally, this applies for trans men who are straight but play with trans women as well

so really it’s a universal thing for trans mascs, not just those of us who are gay or bi

fracture,

i appreciate this link but i still don’t understand what this meme in particular is referencing :')

fracture,

it’s insane to me that someone could understand the ramifications of trauma on neurobiology and conclude that free will doesn’t exist

i feel like, without free will, no one would ever escape their trauma. without saying something shitty and uncompassionate like “you’re only held back by your trauma because you’re not strong willed enough”; that’s not true at all

but i think, at it’s core, healing from trauma requires two things: a person who you feel safe enough to trust, and the willingness to take the leap and trust again

if you don’t have one or the other, you’re going to really struggle

and that moment where you choose to trust, how can you see that as anything but free will? when everything about your past, your nerves, your biology is screaming at you to do otherwise?

i dunno. i don’t think any of us would have grown past our trauma at all without free will

that said, i think there’s also just too much going on in the brain to conclude there’s no free will for sure. i guess that’s not the same as saying it’s deterministic, which you can’t really say, because physics gets too fucking weird at low levels, right?

anyways, i guess we can never really definitively say whether free will exists or not. but i think you can still make very strong arguments for being compassionate to poor people / traumatized people / people with mental illness / etc without saying we all don’t have free will. it feels a lot like saying we’re all doomed to be what we were made to be and we can’t make a better life for ourselves

it just starts with convincing people, and believing, that we all deserve that

fracture,

stop telling people. it’s counterintuitive, but you lose some motivation that way

i mean, i can’t promise that doing that will get you to finish them, but it should help a little bit

fracture,

we need unions and unions need better protections than “can’t prevent layoffs”. unions need to make these painful for the company too

fracture,

this is a pretty good article covering the contract and noting that it’s only an agreement with WGA (not SAG-AFTA) but i want to correct one point they make:

No. TV and film production doesn’t happen overnight, and while it will likely ramp up rapidly once the actors come back to work, the lengthy strike has caused inevitable delays and hiccups.

the delays have been caused by greedy execs who were literally hoping to starve their writers out instead of granting them contractual protections and paying them fairly

the execs have caused these delays and ultimately cost their corporations far more than what they’d have lost just agreeing to this contract in the first place

don’t forget that point. everything sucks because of shitty execs. nothing but greed and reluctance to acknowledge worker power was stopping them from coming to the table four months ago

fracture,

idk this story really wants to paint the duplex lady as sympathetic, but she’s living the high life to have an entire separate house attached to hers to do what she pleases with. i don’t really feel bad that she can’t make money off airbnb with it, she can still exploit people make money off it by having long term tenants. you know, like she wasn’t just arbitrarily taking an entire housing situation off the market. sure, she’s not as much of a problem as big corpos making bank on airbnb, but i fully feel like she’s more in that category than not

i’m open to hearing other opinions on this, though. i’ve never lived in a duplex. maybe they’re really intimate with consideration to the other people living there? but from my view, this seems just like someone who owns two apartments and is now upset they can’t get their airbnb slice of the pie for the other one

fracture,

game developers need to unionize yesterday

fracture,

for those in america, CWA, Communication Workers of America, is a union that’s trying to reach out to the developers in the game industry

You can be banned from lemmy.blahaj.zone for calling out transphobia

I recently made a new account on lemmy.blahaj.zone, because I’ve been harassed and doxxed on my old account and I wanted a fresh start with a more lighthearted online identity that I could be more open about my gender identity on. I’d heard blahaj zone was good for trans people, so I made my account there. And yeah,...

fracture,

yeah having read the thread, i’m inclined to agree you come across as someone trying to pick a fight, when you have a semantic disagreement with them at most

i understand that you found what they wrote triggering and harmful, but i don’t think you were very kind with your posts. i feel like, in your haste to protect trans people, you were not considerate of the human being you were actually speaking to

i know you’re not a member of beehaw, but you’re posting it to our instance, so that’s the standard i’m applying

if you had empathized with them (her?) that they sometimes need a space where they can just be a person, instead of being trans (or a woman or however abigail identifies), they (she?) might have been more receptive to your point

it also would have helped if you had been direct to the point - for example: “hey, would you mind saying “i don’t like debates around my fundamental rights to exist” (or whatever alternative) as opposed to saying “i don’t like politics”? this way you still allow space for discussion of important matters related to human rights, while clearly communicating what it is you dislike” (this is my best understanding of your point, but hopefully you can see how to tailor it to better represent what you truly want to express)

as it is, you spent like five posts nitpicking semantics when you knew what was intended and could have just directly stated what you disagreed with

and if you didn’t know, well… i guess this is a reminder that words don’t mean the same thing to everyone, and your definitions aren’t necessarily more valid than someone else’s

ultimately, you were argumentative with someone who was absolutely not advocating for transphobia, and policing someone’s language without even making the barest effort to engage with what they were actually saying. in both the original poster’s position, and in the admin’s position, i completely get why they reacted how they did

i don’t personally agree with your point, but i hope these recommendations help you more clearly communicate it, and foster healthier interactions about it, in the future

fracture,

wow that’s crazy, workers have standards for themselves and now the bosses can’t push us around and force us back to the office? wonder what would happen if we had those standards for more things…

fracture,

i think this is somewhat presumptive. that 95% figure comes from a world where the representation wasn’t very good. a lot of people didn’t know that being gay was a thing, and a lot of people still don’t know that being gay is a thing they can be

we can’t really know what those numbers would be in a truly accepting world, which is exactly why representation matters. even if it’s “disproportionate”

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • JUstTest
  • ngwrru68w68
  • everett
  • InstantRegret
  • magazineikmin
  • thenastyranch
  • rosin
  • GTA5RPClips
  • Durango
  • Youngstown
  • slotface
  • khanakhh
  • kavyap
  • DreamBathrooms
  • megavids
  • cubers
  • ethstaker
  • osvaldo12
  • modclub
  • cisconetworking
  • mdbf
  • tester
  • tacticalgear
  • Leos
  • normalnudes
  • provamag3
  • anitta
  • lostlight
  • All magazines
    •