kulturhack

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Man, who wants to swim
Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim

Doing nothing, doing nothing will keep us together

We can eat them, for ever and ever:
Oh we should buy heroes ‘cause it’s Saturday…”

—David Bowie

#RelaxASong

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Hey, When You Have A Minute, I Could Use Some Assistance”

—The Beatles

#RelaxASong

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Snail Out Of Hell”

—Matt Loaf

#RelaxASong

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

Let me write tomorrow’s headline in context:

‘Trump wins archaic, obscure voting process in an agricultural state with a white Evangelical majority & a low Electoral College vote count’

Like, OMG, I did not see this coming! With momentum like this, it’s time to get scared & rush around with my hair on fire.

Now pundits who refused to rule out the other two MAGA candidates have put on their serious this-is-a-Trump-bellwether faces.

Old, white theofascists like Trump. Who the hell knew?

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Warning: This vegan, gluten-free, organic, beets-as-pepperoni, seasoned wheat-germ-as-sausage pizza is to the real thing what the pod people were to the humans they replaced in Invasion Of The Body Snstchers. Enjoy it if you must, but don’t look daggers at Kevin McCarthy over there enjoying a Supreme Pie—because he knows the pod pizzas are here and he’s warning the world.”

#HealthyFoodBoxWarnings

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Warning: Soylent Green is people.”

#HealthyFoodBoxWarnings

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Warning: The addition of this asparagus to your nightly meal may have an anomalous effect when evacuating your bladder in the morning.”

#HealthyFoodBoxWarnings

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Warning: Use of this tofu may result in the addictive need to use it to imitate other meat-based foods, such as hamburger, turkey, meatloaf, etc, for the passive-aggressive and dodgy need to prove some weird point to the meat-eaters in your life—which is actually all about your own need for lifestyle validation.”

#HealthyFoodBoxWarnings

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Girlfriend In A Semi-Coma With A Favorable Prognosis”

—The Smiths

#BittersweetASong

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Someone Almost Saved My Life Tonight”

—Elton John

#BittersweetASong

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

Paradox:

“Now And Then”
—A new Beatles song!

“Now And Then”
—A new zombie Beatles song!

#BittersweetASong

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Two Out Of Three Ain’t An A Or Even A B-Minus”

—Meat Loaf

#BittersweetASong

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Nope. Nope. Nope.

There is no effing way that you’re getting me in that carrier.

As in no chance whatsoever. Nada. Zero. Because you’re fond of the flesh on your hands.

So yeah, please enjoy my so-called ‘dream vacation’.

Because I’m staying right here—and also selling the house while you’re gone.”

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

Somewhere where it is always 10:00 AM, and that sunbeam in the living room never moves.

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

The scattering of ashes of the dog next door.

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

An unchaperoned visit inside the hamster cage.

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

A massively complicated art heist in Paris.

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

My inevitable honeymoon with Tilda Swinton.

(As always—call me, Katherine Matilda.)

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

A San Francisco Vertigo locations tour.

Because god knows, living with me, she’s seen it enough times.

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

It’s an exact duplicate of my house, with the water, food and litter boxes in the same places, which features the same schedule and daily rhythms, and my hair available to pull to wake me up.

So yeah, pretty much like Number Six walking up in a reproduction of his flat in The Village—but in a good way.

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“Every day of my life is basically an endless spa afternoon, so whatever you’re about to offer, I’m good.

But thanks anyway.”

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

Pilgrimage to the Grumpy Cat memorial.

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

“We’re going to Morrisland, baby!”

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

Two-day all-access pass to the world’s most comprehensive Banksy collection.

Because Banksy speaks to cats like da Vinci resonates with us.

#DreamVacationsForCats

kulturhack, 4 months ago to random

Seemingly my own death mask…

So yeah, give me some space—I gotta think about this.

#OddItemsInTheJunkDrawer