tulaksam

tulaksam, 13 days ago to random

Tonight, I drank half a gross drink I didn't pay for like I was 19 again.

That's how I can accurately memorialize my friends' parents.

Thanks, John, for jizzing inside of your smoking hot wife and making one of my best friends, dude. That was a solid.

tulaksam, 16 days ago to random

My way I understand love is to be Quietly Anticipated.

My preferred soda is in the fridge, cold, like it's always here waiting for me, when this household hardly ever goes to stores where soda is sold.

My favorite candy is magically in a drawer I open often.

A little note where I might be looking for a mint.

A little clue that someone thought of me when I wasn't there; the most impossible way to be loved.

tulaksam, 21 days ago to random

Let's assume that hey, it's not me and I do need to not talk to any of my friends or family ever again. Where is a good place to move to? Cabot Cove?

tulaksam, 1 month ago to random

Watching TNG is a series of wishing I was Troi, hoping I can be Riker, accepting I'm probably Data but wait, like the whole universe wants to bang Data....

tulaksam, 1 month ago to random

When my spouse is away; there is nothing, no one. Time freezes until they return

The weekend I planned to be away: everything is happening, everyone is in town, everyone wants to hang out, all the streamers live streamed all night

tulaksam, 1 month ago to random

Exhaustingly Honest Child just told me I look like I'm 25.

I can't y'all. I have children who are 25+ this year.

Is there a new VR rig coming out or something?

tulaksam, 1 month ago to random

You don't have to do anything you don't want to today.

Unless it's laundry.

You gotta do laundry.

tulaksam, 1 month ago to random

If you choose to partake today, do not forget your unspoken obligation to lay naked on your bed and sing one of the following songs:

Science Fiction Double Feature
Black Velvet
King of Anything
Landslide
Touch of Grey
Arthur's Theme
Take Me Home Tonight

Other songs are possible, but not guaranteed. Be sure to check with your local fae if you don't know at least a karaoke amount of the lyrics above, but also, like check out some new music because these all slap.

tulaksam, 2 months ago to random

It's so great to hear the bartender go "an apple JUICE? but in an adult cup?"

Buddy, it's not even noon yet on a Monday. Let my hangover pass before you try to get me drinking again to not suffer my shameful drink preferences soberly.

tulaksam, 3 months ago to random

Which kind of neurodivergent are you: the one that loves big bang theory, the one that tolerates big bang theory, and the ones who hate it like Gollum hates hobbitses

tulaksam, 3 months ago to random

Occasionally, doing fiber arts makes me feel like I'm trying to poison Kuzco.

"I don't like that yarn with this pattern."
"Which yarn?"
"The yarn I chose specifically for this project!"

tulaksam, 4 months ago to random

A lady laughed at me in my orange dress getting into my orange pumpkin car.

"Let me guess, your favorite color is orange?"

"No, actually, it's green."

tulaksam, 4 months ago to random

I have Schrodinger's OnlyFans

tulaksam, 4 months ago to random

I just ate lunch alone and offered to hold an absolute stranger's baby so she could eat a hot lunch.

Being Midwest nice is not free or easy, but sometimes you get to make a mom smile.

tulaksam, 5 months ago to random

It's the most wonderful time of the year

tulaksam, 5 months ago to random

Today I called the card game rulebook the "paper controller"

So, yeah, no, you're doing fine around the family

tulaksam, 6 months ago to random

The only way to see Wish: in an empty theater with a friend/loved one who will also talk shit the whole time.

It was SO BAD guys

tulaksam, 6 months ago to random

How to make Princess Soup:

Fill a bathtub with nearly too hot water.
Add whatever bath salts you have on hand.
Add one Princess.

Simmer until poached.

tulaksam, 6 months ago to random

No, you're listening to Ella Fitzgerald on repeat one and crying.

tulaksam, 6 months ago to random

Oh, public, lend me your ears. And eyes. And brains.

I'd like to purchase cute, age appropriate underwear for my mtf child. She is only 9, but has a lot of body dysmorphia that we're working on in therapy. She has held onto a lot of her undersized, actually too small choices because it helps smooth her under dresses and skirts, but I'd like her to have a proper fit, and be cute.

I can vaguely sew, and I have access to a better seamstress if my only leads are DIY, and nothing readymade.

tulaksam, 6 months ago to random

Quick solution to canned chicken soup: add two spoons of minced garlic before cooking, and the juice of a lemon after cooking

iamgaarden, 7 months ago to bookstodon

Hello @bookstodon

I'm looking for sff books with female knights. I'm not picky with genre labels, I just really love my female knights 😌

Know of any?

I have read and loved:

• Sam Darren's Dragonoak trilogy
• Justin Lee Anderson's The Lost War
• Craig Schaefer's The Wisdom's Grave trilogy

And currently I'm reading Tamora Pierce's Alanna: The First Adventure

#bookstodon #sff #FemaleKnights

tulaksam, 7 months ago to random

Why is the number 3 order always "don't get drunk and let him shag you on the bushes"

tulaksam, 7 months ago to random

Goal: to become the paladin champion of Santa: Krampus

tulaksam, 7 months ago to random

Yeah, I give all my lovers STDs: sexually transmitted dinosaurs.