Kicked out before legal age. Before that it was mostly physical and emotional abuse.
Its not easy but I manage. Christmas and other typical family days I spend with people that dont celebrate them or by working. If you let it get to you, it hurts like a motherfucker.
I found a spouse that loves me and vice versa. We have a couple of animals, some distant relatives of my spouse and a select few friends we all consider our family.
I still have an aunt I see, but my parents and brother have been out of my life for 12 years due to estrangement. I finally feel like there is no voice in my head criticizing everything I wear or how I look and viewing me as an extension of themselves.
I’m 41 and I’m just staring to experience a little mental health. I really want family, but it may be too late for me. I can’t give up though, because if I give up it hurts more. The way to minimize the pain and horror is to get up and go work on my vision.
Been pretty rough. Lucky to have made it this far I guess. I know a lot who’ve had it worse.
But yeah it’s been interesting to witness other people be able to weather the same things that put me on the street simply because they had a support group to lean on. I’m not bitter anymore, it’s just a testament to how important that is. We just have much less of a barrier, if any, between us and homelessness, and the state violence that comes along with it.
I’m only now sort of stable due to undeserved kindness from people who barely know me. Intersections of privilege made a difference too I’m sure. Definitely nothing to do with any merit or personal strength.
Moving countries with a language barrier sounds incredibly difficult. Being a statesian that’s not something I’ve had to deal with. Hope things go well for you!
That depends on what you mean. Both parents departed from the world five years apart, and me and my siblings experienced a rift because of the incompatible ways we mourned, and so they have ghosted me. Which means I’m all on my own. I have acquaintances I sometimes refer to as family, but they have drifted away from me in the other sense of the word, the physical distance sense, and there exist communication barriers. I definitely don’t consider my community to be family, they are exclusivist and absent-minded, and I’m only here to honor the role of heir.
Well, this thread has strengthened my desire to adopt a teen from foster care. I technically have/had a family but they were more like roommates than parents. Left at 18 and never looked back. Had my share of lonely holidays that I would dread when they came around. I'm not trying to say I've had the same story as those here, but I get some parts of it really well. I'm finally at a place where maybe I can prevent that from happening to someone else.
Before I start, a little bit of a background story. Since I was a teenager, I’ve lost my close friends and family - suicides, health issues, tragic accidents, etc. Eventually I got to the point where the relationships with people I know and cherish were at most few years old. I cannot tell if the everyday drama made me the way I’m now or was it how I was born but I always was “alone”. Not lonely, alone. I had significant others, in fact for most of my adult life I was in a happy relationships. It’s a different story why I’m not longer in those but I have no regrets.
To answer your question, I’m pretty happy with my life. I have fulfilling career, clear plan for what’s next, some disaster recovery plan if things go awry and I go with the flow to some extent. I lived through some hard times but “whatever doesn’t kill you, simply makes you stranger”.
Been on my own since I as 17. The first few years were rough to say the least.
I worked 2 jobs, 30-60 hrs per week and went to college. I shared shitty apartments with some pretty creepy people. I moved so constantly I ended up paying for a post office box so I could get my mail. I did not have a vehicle (no car) so I rode a bike for up to 60 miles per day. Even all that wasn’t enough without government grants and student loans to pay for college.
Food was something that I ate when I had it. I spent a few months with mybe 4-5 real meals. Cornflakes and ramen where the bulk of my diet for a while.
I took the first professional job I could find. It was terrible but it paid well. I gained 50lbs to be at a healthy weight the first year. The next few years I jumped around jobs until I landed in one I liked.
The last few weeks before I graduated college I met my wife. Her family has become mine over the past 25 years.
Today my income alone puts us in the top 10% of earners. My wife makes close to the same. At many crucual times in our lifes we’ve taken advantage of government assistance. To be blunt, it’s not possible to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You need a helping hand once in a while no matter how small.
Food was something that I ate when I had it. I spent a few months with mybe 4-5 real meals. Cornflakes and ramen where the bulk of my diet for a while.
That brings back memories. Oats and pasta were my wonder foods. You can do a lot with those and a couple extra dollars, or shoplifting a jar of sauce/bottle of milk if you’re penniless and starving.
10 years strong. Thinking about changing my phone number; because ever since my mother spoke dirt on my name to the whole family, I never changed it. Anyone who wanted to find out what the score was could have called or texted. For ten years, they could’ve called or texted. Not one of them has. Not one of them has come to ask what the story was from my side. They just let her lie on my name and did no further investigation, so…
Fuck 'em. I probably should change my number, maybe even change my name while I’m at it. Make a full severing of it.
Pretty good! I was kicked out of home at 17 and finished high school by floating between friends houses. Doing that, I met someone who helped me get into a college, tho I couldn’t afford to pay for more than a year. I was briefly homeless, but I had a car (ideal), but now I live in a lovely single family home with my boyfriend and another couple. I worked my way up from a sales job into a management role at a company and I don’t have to do all that much daily. I’ve made a network of friends who have become my found family and I love them very much.
Holidays are a bit strange. I disliked them for a while, but I later learned it was less that I disliked the holiday and traditions, but I disliked being alone. People go back to their bio families for holidays and I just can’t do that. Being Jewish made this a little trickier, as even when non-Jewish friends wanted to participate (which was so wonderful and sweet and made me cry multiple times) you have to teach them the traditions and how to say things in Hebrew or Yiddish. Imagine celebrating every holiday with your young nieces and nephews who need to be taught what to do. Finding and befriending more Jews really helped with that as I can usually tag along with their families.
There’s times when it’s clear my experiences are different from most others. When people talk about family, I often misjudge the importance or weight of those conversations and the behaviors around families. I’ll hear someone complain about the horrendous things their sister or brother are doing and how they help them anyway and I’m baffled. I don’t entirely know what to say and how to be empathetic in the right way when someone’s aunt or parent dies. I don’t understand the anxiety someone has when their mother visits.
But I think I’ve successfully built my own little family community. A group of beloved friends for whom I’d do anything and vice versa. It took about a decade, but it’s come together well and I don’t feel some deep longing for a blood related family connection because I have them and they have me.
I’ve been homeless multiple times, thankfully never rough sleeping yet. Employers have always been an issue because the system is built around the idea of you living with the family or being able to go back to them if you fall on tough times: without that, any form of thriving is more frequently than not out of reach.
I had to move countries multiple times purely out of necessity due to the housing crisis engulfing possibly everywhere, but you can try to hop around, it worked out temporarily for me, but the alienation due to friendship loss and language barriers are soul crushing.
I am currently going back to a country where I speak the language of, even though it’s near guaranteed I will be homeless rough sleeping there (I moved countries to avoid it, but I cannot take living where I ended up).
People like me I knew growing up ended up with severe mental issues. Some resort to sex work, some are on government money. Some aren’t with us any more…
I was unable to finish my degree due to not being able to afford rent + food, on top of that not even having the time to learn due to shifts, many scheduled during my lecture hours in spite of getting hired for my student status for tax purposes.
Add comment