Not sure if it will help others, but wanted to share what is helping me a bit

Apytele, 2 months ago

This is a Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill called “build positive experiences” and it helps combat the warping of memories by the strong emotions characteristic of certain mental illnesses. All memory is emotion dependent, it’s easier to remember happy things when you’re happy and sad things when you’re sad, but in a person with a heightened emotional response such as someone with borderline personality, bipolar, or certain kinds of PTSD, the mood swings are strong enough to block out chunks of memory.

Borderline is particularly famous for this, and the phenomenon is typically referred to as “splitting,” or more clinically as idealizaton-devaluation. When someone upsets this person, they will be unable to recall a time when the person has been kind and supportive to them, and will devalue them. This can also cause them to unhealthily idealize another person, which is often not recognized by even professionals because it rarely causes issues in the short term, but it is still indicative of the same maladaptive thinking patterns. If someone is capable of idealizing another person, it means their emotional spectrum is wide enough to suddenly devalue them when that person fails to live up to their unrealistic image.

Building positive experiences (and recording them in an easy to access space) helps the person stabilize and take back control of their emotional memory; when they are upset with a friend or loved one, they are easily able to look back at all the good memories that seem blurry at the moment. This also makes it a valuable skill for people who are depressed and/or anxious who have a tendency to catastrophize (my life has always been horrible/this will never get better) because it provides concrete reinforcement of times that actually were better.

JayEchoRay, 2 months ago

That was very interesting to read and to think about. Thank you

Seems to be something like what I am doing because that fits me to a tee in some respects with idolizing someone and now I have fallen out of that when I did not get a response when I sent a message. So while I do still appreciate the effort they provided, I have in essence emotionally written them off because I do not feel like they are not fully respecting me.

I guess the writing part also is in that regard because I am in a state of trying to think and apply positive memories, reinforcing that reading it with it having an additional potential positive reinforcement if someone looks at it, making me feel like what I have done has value.

I guess because I am rummaging around in this “positive” headspace it leads to more “positive” experiences because I am doubling down on thinking of something good and then reading something I thought of as good.

I appreciate reading that and trying to approximate it into my situation

Apytele, 2 months ago

:)

taiyang, 2 months ago

Sounds like me decades ago, except without the social component. I found my outlet in video game design and world building, which I mostly shared with close MMO friends. (Since I wasn’t actually developing anything, I ultimately shared short stories I wrote in my video game setting.). Like you, I think it helped empty my head, which at the time had many philosophical and emotional questions I needed to explore.

As I am now, I’m a bit in a better headspace, but it’s always good to keep some outlet, even if it’s just blogging. I find social media hurts my feelings more than helps them, though the simple act of speaking my mind feels worth it (if not compulsory as a social animal).

Please, keep it up and continue to encourage others to do so!

JayEchoRay, 2 months ago

Thank you for sharing your experiences and kind words, it is cliche saying but I do appreciate the feedback. It helps provide perspective for me.

Another long post to follow:

I think what I am doing is like doing 3 things at once, with the 3rd being something of a far off “maybe” goal but in the back of my mind trying not to let it influence things.

The 3 things being “emptying my head” trying to put myself in a less busy headspace, wanting to engage with people because I feel socially stunted and the 3rd and far off goal is being able to financially benefit from something that I enjoy.

It is why I have had a desire to do streaming or video uploads as it feels like something I can take control of - It is the only conclusion came to as I cannot envision other aspects of entrepreneurship as I do not have any great ideas or the knowledge and aptitude to be able to finance it)

I came to this conclusion after experiencing high levels of frustration in the work hierarchy being on the lower end of the system with no chance of upward mobility (all work experience has been of the minimum wage type) or being too honest in interviews to the point I feel it isn’t worth it anymore because of frustration at the general disdain I have experienced and kept quiet about and at how exploitative the companies can be (and convince myself out of frustration to want to accept) and still not make the cut.

This has had a knock-on effect of making me being disinterested in improving in the field I studied for as I felt wholly unqualified in both comparison to my peers when I studied and also by the attitude that has been presented to me in interviews. It is essentially a piece of fancy paper at this point and I have not put the effort into improving as it fuels frustration which further distances me from it.

I didn’t do the streaming/ video thing because I both feared for the health of the PC that broke would cause too big of a disruption, which it would have done and also because I hated hearing my own voice which demotivated me during editing having to listen to it and try and “fix” it in an audio application.

I feel that so far the writing is a middle ground for me to both explore an aspect that I wanted to do but didn’t feel cut out for because of my personal fears and still having that comfort of not having to be self-conscious of every aspect along the way.

I, at least, feel it is an healthier outlet than being stuck in the listless rumination I have subjected myself to while at the same time try and improve my “social intelligence” and move towards a goal I want to achieve

Emperor, 2 months ago

Thanks for sharing - it definitely looks like it’s working for you.

I mean I should space things out so that I don’t burn out of course, but so far just doing the writing has helped me not be overwhelmed with thought.

It’s definitely something to keep an eye on - it’s fine in the first flush of enthusiasm but you also don’t want to “force” creativity and stop enjoying the whole process. However, as you are aware of it, you should be able to monitor the situation. If it feels like it is becoming a chore, then dial it back until you are loving it again. Good luck.

JayEchoRay, 2 months ago (edited 2 months ago)

Yeah, it is so far been something that I doing so that I am trying to get into the habit and then if I feel “stuck” I leave it and try and get back to it later.

I like to try start multple projects and when I have a “general theme” I finish off at least one and start on another so that the next day at least I have a starting point to work from.

If the creativety gets harder to do then I can imagine spacing things out, but so far my internal monologue might moan a bit but I still do enjoy doing it

Thank you for the advice