@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

AutisticDoctorStruggles

@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to

(fully-vaccinated!) #PhDone '21. late-id #ActuallyAutistic. Burnout & depression lived experience. #neurodivergent ๐ŸŽง #womanInSTEM ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ”ฌ๐Ÿงฌ #crafter ๐Ÿชก๐Ÿงต๐Ÿงถ #catLover ๐Ÿˆโ€โฌ› #gaming ๐ŸŽฎ๐ŸŽฒ #atheist #childfree #music ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽธ #metal ๐Ÿค˜

Abortion is healthcare.
Trans rights are human rights.
Disability rights are human rights.
Black lives matter.
Smash the patriarchy.

Get vaccinated!

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Ilovechai, to actuallyaudhd
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

I don't have the spoons to explain why I feel my neurodivergence is making this worse, but I need feedback or insight from other ND people on a unique experience. This will be a long thread (added in replies) but I'm hopeful there will be a few kind readers who either relate or have something supportive to share.
Here goes:
1/
@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd


AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@Ilovechai @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd oufff sounds rough! I've never been in the situation to leave those type of religious systems as my parents are U-boat Christians (only show up 1-2 a year) and I've been consciously atheistic since my teens but I do relate to feeling lack of a RL support system. For me the nerd space has been the best (TTRPGs, Magic, comics, boardgames etc) & I think is disproportionately filled with other ND peeps. There are people with similar social needs out there!

Fury, to random
@Fury@mastodon.au avatar

Got this fountain pen ink erasing pen a few weeks back. I have been so distracted and busy that I havenโ€™t tried it yet. Will remedy that today ๐Ÿฅฐ

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@Fury @NullNoMore yeah, came here to say that. It can work on other blue inks if it's the same chemical. (We used this in school a lot) :-)

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Good morning. I donโ€™t feel as perky and cheerful today, maybe thatโ€™s just because of the heavy rain or the fact that I didnโ€™t sleep well. Got to go out into the wet to pick up my fit note and pop into the post office. Iโ€™d rather go back to sleep. How do you feel today?

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma had a horrible night and dragged myself to work instead of happily cycling in, as I had planned... Experiments are running, haven't fucked up anything yet and hoping to avoid any major fuckups despite my brain being slow and feeling super tired. At least it's sunny here! ๐Ÿ™ˆ
Have a meeting with my manager later and hoping to get help with my work load. (I'm getting too many support requests at the moment and she has final authority over prioritising)
I hope you have a gentle cosy day!

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma it was ok! I was very tired all day but I managed. Lab work seemed to go well, I will sit with the analysis today. My meeting with manager was helpful, she setup a meeting to discuss with a project to reduce their big ask to me which is great, I slept much much better tonight, though I woke up very tired, but at least today I get to work from home.
How are you feeling?

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma completely get it! I struggle with relatives that I have nothing in common with or completely wildly different views and values. I hope it's a pleasant get together!

dyani, to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!

@actuallyautistic

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@dyani @actuallyautistic yay! ๐ŸŽ‰ ๐Ÿ’š

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

I feel terrible. Iโ€™ve held it together up until now but Iโ€™m very tearful missing Miss Cinnamon

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma @SurrealSeal oh so glad to hear she's back!

AutisticDoctorStruggles, to random
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

I thought I was gonna get a full but kind of cozy and calm day in the lab. But things are not going so well with my RNA extraction (which has worked beautifully in my hands a previous time, but I don't do this particular one regularly) so I had to stress to find someone who can give advice.. am afraid of losing the precious samples ๐Ÿ™ˆ aaaaaaahhhhhhhh

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma thanks ๐Ÿ’œyeah trying to not feel too panicked and stressed, I am of course doing everything to the best of my ability. Hopefully I will get some purified RNA, the samples are nothing to be easily generated again unfortunately so I am feeling the pressure. The question is also if I will be able to use a different method to extract the other half today, otherwise all my planning will get delayed a lot, machine bookings will be hard to get etc... ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆnot what I needed to day! ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿฅฒ

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

I didnโ€™t garden. I went back to bed where I felt much safer. I dozed fitfully, depressed dreams. Missed lunch, missed the best of the weather. Came outside to find Tom and Miss Cinnamon pottering about sorting things on the patio. I just feel useless, an onlooker

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma sending love! It's ok to be useless, too (even if I think you're not). You are a worthy person even when you're just getting through the days, minute by minute. I hope you get some comfort! ๐Ÿ’š

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma ๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’œ no, we didn't have one today but will on Thursday and we get Friday off! So it's a short week thankfully! Work has been intense so the break is highly appreciated!

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

After my manicure I went to the Spanish cafe, then I bought some birthday cards. When I got home it was lunchtime but all I wanted to do was sleep. I still feel terrible waking up 2 hours later. Weโ€™re supposed to be going to the pub with friends, but Tom postponed it until tomorrow to see if Iโ€™m any better.

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma sorry the nap hasn't improved things! Good to take it easy! How's the weather over there? We suddenly got some sort of summer day today with 26 ยฐC. Tomorrow is supposed to drop 10 degrees again ๐Ÿ˜… perfect for a lazy Saturday

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma Walking is good! Hope it's nice enough for that :)

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

I very nearly cancelled my manicure because I felt so awful, but I couldnโ€™t do that to my nail tech and her small business, so I dragged myself there. I decided to be truthful when she asked how I was and we had a good chat, she said she gets v low at times so she understands and that we could maybe go for coffee sometime ๐Ÿ’œ

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma awwww seems like you got a great response!

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Good morning, I wanted to stay in bed but I have an appointment for a manicure. Usually this is ap treat, but today Iโ€™m dreading it because I donโ€™t want to talk. But it would be unfair to cancel at such short notice. Ugh. How are you?

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma Hope it won't be too intense with the talking and that you'll still feel a little nicer with the new manicure afterwards ;-)

I'm feeling pretty good, I slept a bit longer and better last night, the sun is out and I only need to do routine lab work (I can listen to music while I do it), no peopeling, which is great ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

LehtoriTuomo, to actuallyautistic
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Someone asked whether I ever played Doom. No, not really. I told that I've never liked first person shooters and then it hit me. I never liked them as there's too much going on. In fact, I've never been a big fan of any types of shooters, the only exception being Cannon Fodder. Now, with the new-found autistic perspective, it makes perfect sense. Sensory overdrive all the time equals no fun. How about my fellow autistics, any fans of shooters?

@actuallyautistic

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic I have only enjoyed Borderlands with my partner because they jump in the chaos, I can hang back and snipe people, as well as progression is player driven, not thrown at you. But it's really dependent on my energy levels whether this is fun. I also struggled with getting motion sickness when playing this ๐Ÿ˜…
Generally I prefer chill and casual games much more!

AutisticDoctorStruggles, to random
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma Charlotte, are you ok?

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma glad to hear! I got a bit worried, as I usually wake up to some retoots and status updates from the night from you ๐Ÿ˜…

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma no no no, no apologies needed!! You're my pocket friend and me worrying a little is just what pocket friends do ;-)

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

PhD studies formally suspended for two months. As I anticipated, that means no pay ๐Ÿ˜ฌ My supervisor was so lovely, recognising how disappointing it is for me to be unwell again. She said, โ€œItโ€™s shit, Charlotte, Iโ€™m sorryโ€, and sheโ€™s right. I cried throughout the entire meeting ๐Ÿ™„

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma ooooh aside from the money situation I am so relieved you've been met with kindness and got some time. Ppl acknowledging my struggles always makes me cry too ๐Ÿฅฒ

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Oh Iโ€™m so anxious about everything. My heart is pounding. Iโ€™ve just got to focus on getting the result I need - a temporary suspension of my PhD studies. It will mean that my income is also suspended, but weโ€™ll have to muddle through. As long as I donโ€™t lose my PIPโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma fingers crossed! It sounds a really stressful and exhausting! I hope you get the outcome you wish for!

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Iโ€™m struggling and I need cuteness or soothing things in my feed, anyone able to oblige?

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma
Unfortunately I don't have any pets of my own to share pics, but I thought this bunny was both funny and cute:

Bunny Eating GIF

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

CMHT called just to say that someone else from the CMHT will call tomorrow to arrange an appointment. So bit of a pointless phone call. I really donโ€™t know what to do with myself, I canโ€™t concentrate on anything, not even just listening to an audiobook. Reading and TV are impossible. I canโ€™t take in all the detail on social media. But if Iโ€™m not distracted Iโ€™m constantly thinking about running away and harming myself.

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma I wish I had better help to offer. I really appreciate you as a kind of longtime online friend ๐ŸชปI'm sad to see you struggle, and I'm really sorry things have gotten so bad. I hope Tom and Miss Cinnamon are extra helpful for you today.

I found a sleepy kitten for you:

Cat Sleepy Sleepy GIF

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma you're so very welcome! I'm rooting for you ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿซ‚

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Senior prac called very quickly and is making an immediate referral to the Community Mental Health Team (who I used to be seen by until I went into remission). She wants me to be seen today or tomorrow. Let's see what happens. If they will see me, Tom will drive me, as itโ€™s very difficult to get to by public transport - so helpful for people who are no heavy duty psych meds that stop them from driving ๐Ÿ™ƒ

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma ugh! So inaccessible! Fingers crossed they can see you soon!

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