@Colin@fluffy.family
@Colin@fluffy.family avatar

Colin

@Colin@fluffy.family

I am an anxious, ginger, domestic short-haired cat in the UK.
I am a paramedicat.

Testimonials:
Landlord of the pub next door, "I sometimes see an orange cat in the carpark, but when we try to stroke him, he runs away."
Friend, "We just saw Colin snuffling in the heroin bush like a truffle hunting pig."
Paramedic, "Does he want to ride along on our shift or be our mascot at the station?"

Header: Colin is standing on a pavement
Avatar: Colin shouting.

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Colin, to Cat
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I'm sunbathing

Colin, to Cats
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There is a storm, so I have bravely conducted a strategic redeployment to under the bed.

This is me looking upset in the sun from earlier today.

Colin,
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Post storm sensory overload.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat There was a lot to smell and I think it confused his one working braincell.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat The preferred human went to a "Eurovision party", whatever that may be, but did not return until this morning. There was no cat consultation nor impact assessment conducted in advance. I thought I'd been abandoned so was quite distressed.

While abandoned, Eric and I had a big fight on the lawn and I lost several chunks of my beautiful fur. The Tall One tried to make me feel better with treats, but I wanted the preferred human. :ablobcatcry:

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat I think it was too much for his inferior intellect. I have been outside for a good sniff and didn't lose my mind.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat She appears to be unwell today, so I have had a lot of hugs and I sat on her to stop her from doing things.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat Eric was born under a tree and homeless in Rochdale, which is not the most salubrious part of Greater Manchester. However, as I was born in a council flat in Reddish, I cannot pass judgement. I think it is what you make of your life, not the place you were born.

Colin,
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@maou it is never wise to question what Eric is doing, but I presume it's air vents because it's warm.

Colin, to animals
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Eric is enjoying the Aurora tonight.

thepoliticalcat, to random
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Eeeeyargh! Here I was feeling terrible this morning (took a muscle relaxant to deal with the crippling muscle spasms, and those knock me out for days. I take about 2.5 mg, and that's ALL I need). And then friends called, and I actually started feeling better, but our comms kept breaking up, dammit. Is there a major solar flare today, or something?

Anyway, I'm not compos mentis today, and not very awake, either. Plus my muscles are still extremely relaxed, so I'm moving like a slug.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat follow cat advice: find a warm, sunny spot, then recline in it. Demand food.

I hope your day improves.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat I don't think I'd like chilli crab as chilli makes me unwell. Do you want me to send some cat treats? I always wake up when I hear the box being opened.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat Eric is a genetic mutant. Somehow, his top fur is very long, smooth but thin, while his undercoat is thick, curly and somehow sticky. His head has a different texture of fur to his body and his tail is something different again. Something went very, very wrong when he was being put together.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat The humans have an app which has all the household jobs on it, so the preferred human doesn't need to think or remember things. Grooming Eric is a job that makes the list daily.

Grooming me is only once a month, usually, but the PH seems very keen on the comb at the moment. I may be moulting a little bit, in addition to the dry skin.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat I get distressed when a seed is stuck to me. I would die of horror if a whole fish were attached. :ablobcatcry:

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat Eric's fur doesn't get stuck everywhere because it stays on him and gets tangled up in the fur that remains. He sometimes leaves clumps lying about like when a sheep gets its wool stuck on barbed wire.

I, however, have flocked the whole house, every item of their clothing, all the furniture and a lot of the garden in glistening orange softness. The preferred human is not as impressed as I thought she would be with my design improvements.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat Yes, he is very food motivated. I am not, which is why I'm so athletic.

I accidentally groomed Eric today, so I was forced to try to kill him.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat I am just making improvements to the decor and their lack of fur. I'm not usually one to share, but I don't mind leaving my fur everywhere.

The problem with grooming is that it is nice and makes me feel better, but then I remember I don't like it and accidentally swipe, bite and hiss. After a bit of a break, I will go back for more.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat He sniffed me, so to make him smell better, I licked him, but then I remembered it was ERIC! :blobcat_oh_no:

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat They have already tried poisoning my food and my treats. I ate a little bit of the oil today because I was starving.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat we were on the patio, so it could have been anyone. As it was, the tall one broke up the fight and took Eric away: it was a win for everyone.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat I can't cope with moulting, itchy skin, poisoned food and comb attacks all in one day. It's too much.

Colin, to animals
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If you go out and abandon me, this is the reception you will get.

Colin, an orange cat, standing on a door mat, meowing

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat After I'd spent ages running around and shouting at them, I then refused to come inside at bedtime. Muahahahaha

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat I did come in eventually and gave her a hug, despite being abandoned for months, starved and viciously attacked with a comb.

Colin,
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@thepoliticalcat starved was actually: I ate my dinner, but that was a few hours ago and I'm hungry. Abandoned was that the tall one was home, but I wanted the preferred human. I am perfectly capable of grooming myself. It's only because she is checking me for fleas and dandruff that she is attacking me so often at the moment.

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