LoganFive

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

The scariness of theme park rides doesn’t compare to the poorly assembled rides at your local school carnival.

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

I want to start calling out my actions loudly the way they do in action anime shows.

“Rapidly typing email!”
“Reshaping image for PowerPoint!”
“Napping under desk!”

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

I just don’t want to end up being the same old asshole when I die. I’d like to grow and evolve into a new, better asshole.

Eamon1916, 1 year ago to random

deleted_by_author

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

And when there was just one set of footprints in the sand, that was when I carried this boring conversation.

Alice, 1 year ago to random

[Warning: This is a long story and it’s not particularly funny—just a very bizarre and very real thing that happened in my life]

About five years ago, my husband and I stayed at this airbnb that was a mid-century guest house with a pool that you could enter from inside the guest house and then swim under to the outside. It was seriously incredible and remains one of the coolest places we’ve ever stayed.

Once we got there, we learned that a brother and sister lived in the two houses. The brother lived in the main house and the sister lived in the guest house, but she would stay in the main house whenever the airbnb was rented out. We only met with the sister, but she was really cool and super nice.

The sister also had two dogs that would randomly come over since the guest house was technically their house. We can’t have dogs, but I like hanging out with dogs, so I absolutely loved all of it.

Overall, the stay was great and we talked about renting it again in the future.

About a week later, the sister messaged me saying she thought we were great guests and liked that we enjoyed hanging out with the dogs and asked if we would dog sit in exchange for staying at the house for free while she and her brother went to a family wedding in Southern California.

It seemed like a good deal since all that we’d need to do is walk and feed the dogs and otherwise hang out in their cool guesthouse with the gorgeous pool for a weekend, so we accepted.

In the few days leading up to the stay, the arrangements started to get..weirder.

To start, her brother wasn’t feeling well, so he was no longer going to the wedding and would be staying home, but he was older and couldn’t care for the dogs, so she still wanted to know if we could dog sit in the guest house. We said that was totally fine.

About a day later, she said her brother’s caretaker wasn’t able to show up every day and asked if we’d be okay with making him a quick breakfast each morning and said that it would be easy because he just likes his frozen waffles. This was already more interaction with humans than I’d like, but I wanted to be helpful, so I agreed.

When we got to the house on Friday, the sister was already gone, but we knew how to get in from the previous stay, so we headed to the guest house.

This involved walking past the brother’s bedroom which had a door leading out to the pool area and he started shouting to us as we walked past to wait so he could talk to us.

When he got to his door, he was completely naked except for a dish towel over his privates.

My husband and I were pretty much like WTF? and just sort of stood there, trying our best to only look at his eyes while he gave me the news that his caretaker wouldn’t be coming at all so we’d need to assist with ALL meals and he proceeded to give me his schedule.

It was at this point that we should have just turned around and left, but I’m painfully non-confrontational and didn’t want to leave them stranded, so I took down his schedule and we headed to the guest house.

We were still in shock, but didn’t know what to do so I just started plugging alarms into my phone so I could keep track of tasks. It seriously looked something like this:

7:50am: Wake up
8:00am: Medicine and breakfast for dogs
8:30am: Breakfast for brother
9:00am: Walk dogs
10:00am: Turn on pool cleaner
12:00pm: Lunch for brother
2:00pm: Turn off pool cleaner
4:00pm: Dinner for dogs
5:00pm: Dinner for brother
6:00pm: Walk dogs
7:00pm: Snack for brother

Our little relaxing weekend hanging out with two dogs in a cute mid-century oasis had clearly become far more complicated, but I still did everything as asked to be helpful.

On Friday night, he told me he wanted me to order from his favorite local Chinese place, but wouldn’t give me an order and said he liked everything and to just order an assortment for us to share.

I did NOT want to have to eat dinner with this person and nothing gives me more anxiety than lack of instructions/direction, but I still did it. I ordered an assortment of dishes, including one sweet and sour dish, one Szechuan, one fried rice dish, one noodle dish, and some egg rolls.

I figured he’d at least be able to find something in there he liked, but the brother said he didn’t like ANY of it.

For Saturday morning breakfast, I found the waffles in the freezer and made them, but he said those were the WRONG waffles and wanted me to make him eggs instead.

I am really grossed out by eggs, but I did it. He said they were “fine” but he’d want something BETTER on Sunday.

I was seriously losing my mind, but I just kept on with all of the tasks.

The middle of Saturday afternoon was the only window of time when my husband and I could actually enjoy the pool, so we went out and were finally swimming around and having a pretty decent time when their landscapers showed up.

I know the landscapers were just doing their job, so that part was fine, but it’s challenging to relax in a pool when:

(1) There are about four people going around you with loud equipment like lawnmowers, leaf blowers, and weed whackers.
(2) You feel REALLY guilty when you’re just floating in a pool while people are walking around you doing manual labor in 100 degree heat.

But that wasn’t even the worst part. About a half hour in, the brother came out SCREAMING at the landscapers for leaving a gate open which could allow the dogs to escape. He was calling all of them stupid, saying he’d already warned them about this and how he was going to get them all fired.

This was all while my husband and I sheepishly sat in the pool looking at the poor landscapers like “We don’t even know this guy. We are SO sorry.”

We were so embarrassed/traumatized that we ended up swimming under the wall and directly into our guest house just to hide and ride it out.

I was so upset about how he treated the landscapers that I ended up telling him he could reheat the leftover Chinese food from the day before because I was so upset and no longer wanted to help this terrible man more than the bare minimum.

We were completely over this experience but wanted to fulfill the base tasks, so we made plans to leave early Sunday morning after we’d walked and fed the dogs and given the brother his stupid waffles that “aren’t the right ones.”

At about 6am on Sunday morning, we woke up to the brother SCREAMING out one of the dog’s names. I went to the door of our guest house and he was like “The dog got out! Those stupid landscapers! I am going to RUIN them!”

I grabbed my shoes and checked the gate (which was locked) and proceeded to walk around the yard to look for the dogs only to finally get near the brother and look down by his feet and see BOTH dogs.

I was just like “Uhh, aren’t those the dogs?” and pointed down by his feet and the brother looked down and was just like “Oh” and closed his door. No apologies for the 6am fire drill. No apologies for threatening to “ruin” the poor landscapers. Just…“Oh.”

I went back to the guest house, did all of my morning “chores” and told him we were heading home. I was SO relieved to be done, but then he told me he still needed lunch and wanted a hamburger.

I didn’t want to spend any additional time with this complete monster, so we packed up our car and went to a local burger place, got a burger for him, went back to his house to drop it off, and I pretty much just rang his doorbell, handed the bag to him without a word, ran back to our car, and we drove away as quickly as possible without ever looking back.

I still occasionally think about their sweet little dogs and I miss them dearly, but I do not miss that awful brother one bit.

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

Hi All,
This is an ALT TEXT CONTEST. So it’s NOT a caption contest. The goal is to accurately describe what you see in the picture to someone who is visually impaired.

LIKE OR BOOST your favorites from the comments.

BOOST this post to reach more contestants.

WINNER gets coupons to Red Lobster.
#alttextcontest
#alttext

stux, 1 year ago to random

20 years of pickup truck design progress in one photo

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

So my degree from Twitter University means nothing here?

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

Here are some ways to make sure your bathroom scale is working properly.

• Weigh yourself a few times to compare results.
• Try the scale in different locations in your home, around the city.
• Throw the scale into the depths of the ocean.

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

Kool-Aid Man, Acting Coach: You need to break through your emotional barriers and this is a physical representation of those barriers.

Me: But this is a brick wall.

Kool-Aid Man: Your fears are a brick wall, John. Your fears are a brick wall.

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

Leap year should have counterparts to it, like stumble month and sprained decade.

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

I must have hurt Google Maps in a former life.

“Here, try crossing this 8-lane boulevard with no stoplight, jerk.”

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

I actually have ADHDMI. It’s like ADHD but I have a clearer picture of the things I’m distracted by.

LoganFive, 1 year ago to random

I’m still waiting for Scott Bakula to leap in and fix this mess I created.