@LoganFive@beige.party
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

LoganFive

@LoganFive@beige.party

I write one liners, two liners, and three liners.
I draw the line at four liners though.

Sometimes I pretend I’m Mark Ruffalo.

Former sketch/improv person. I love #Taskmaster, #OnePunchMan, and #Boundless (the endurance race show).

Pro LGBTQIA+, BLM, anything that involves not being an a-hole.

Pronouns: he/him/his (cis-het, married)

#humor
#humour
#comedy
#jokes
#dadjokes
#puns
#writing
#improv
#sketchcomedy
#standup
#fedi22

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

You are going to make love to a Cereal Mascot, who do you choose?

I'm going Snap, Crackle, & Pop.

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@RickiTarr It's very male-centric isn't it? I did see a Disney Princess cereal with Jasmine on it. That would work for me.

For a lot of the mascots it seems like a game to find out what would be the least complicated/painful.

LoganFive, to random
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

If you look up "snazzy" in a thesaurus, you get "jazzy" and "pizzazzy," and i just think more words should work this way.

LoganFive, to random
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

What they say: Make this delicious and healthy dish easily in just a few minutes!

What the instructions say: Follow these 20 steps exactly. 50 ingredients will be needed, and 3 cooking tools you’ve never heard of.

Alice, to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

More like aurora boring Alice.

JK, I'm just jealous because I can't see anything in the Bay Area.

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@Alice I can’t believe this. I can’t see shit. I’m unsubscribing from the sun.

StefanThinks, to random
@StefanThinks@beige.party avatar

We have never seen our own buttholes with our own eyes firsthand, we just have to take it on faith that we actually have one.

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@StefanThinks A shit of faith, every day.

LoganFive, to random
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
And your frienemies somewhere in the middle.

tayfonay, to random
@tayfonay@beige.party avatar

Saturday is my 16 year wedding anniversary and the "traditional" gift is wax, so I'm thinking of leaving some used Q-tips in the bathroom #romance

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@tayfonay All the ear wax fetishists enter the chat

Congrats on surviving for so long!

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@tayfonay I mean, I just assume there’s always someone who has fetish for anything we can think of.

“I’m really into Latinas with a right arm slightly longer than the left arm.”

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

What cracks me up is when you go to a restaurant, and they ask if you've been there before, and then they say, "Well, we do things a little different here", and then it's exactly like every other restaurant, but more expensive.

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@RickiTarr Welcome to the Pasta Dome! Battle with other guests to see which meal you end up with!

the_etrain, to random
@the_etrain@beige.party avatar

It's one of those days where I could start running like Forrest Gump. But, I know I'd just turn around as soon as I hit a red state.

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@the_etrain @LikeItOrLumpIt Oh man, if Annie’s going, I want to come too. Let’s just go get away from everything.

LoganFive, to random
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

Just like a broken toilet, most problems in life can be solved if you jiggle them.

LoganFive, to random
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

For those of you still masking up like me, I wanted to ask, how do you deal with in-person job interviews? Or how would you approach it?

-Do you wear the mask the whole time? Or do you feel out the situation?
-Do you mention the mask at all?
-Do you just pass on the job if they want an in-person interview?

Saltssaltgirl, to random
@Saltssaltgirl@mas.to avatar

I’m not sure why my friends & family think I’m in charge of the calendar, but I’ll be apologizing for it anyway, because today is my birthday, it’s Teacher’s Appreciation Week, & Mother’s Day is Sunday.

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@Saltssaltgirl
Joyous anniversary of your uterine escape!
And thank you for your dedicated service to the students who desperately need you.
Are you a mother as well? If so, then joyous celebration of the ejection of micro humans from your uterus!

the_etrain, to random
@the_etrain@beige.party avatar

Is there a law that car dealerships aren't allowed to spend more than $300 on their commercials?

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@the_etrain I think there is also a minimum flag count required as well.

LoganFive, to random
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

"Good news! We turned on notifications of everything you're not interested in! If you'd like to opt out, follow this elaborate maze of the Minotaur."
-Every Company Everywhere

the_etrain, to random
@the_etrain@beige.party avatar

Bird flu
⬇️
Cow flu
⬇️
People flu
⬇️
Cat flu
⬇️
Then we're back to bird flu, probably

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@the_etrain I do kind of feel we should just start abbreviating them.
Blu
Clu
Plu
Clu…shit. Ok, that didn’t work.

StefanThinks, to random
@StefanThinks@beige.party avatar

Missing @Bigthinkingcap 🫶🏼

LoganFive,
@LoganFive@beige.party avatar

@StefanThinks @the_etrain @DemocracySpot @Bigthinkingcap

Were there indicators that…things were getting worse? I know what happened to her husband but it’s possible she just joined a club, a poetry writing group? Idk. I’m trying to be hopeful here.

ElleGray, to random
@ElleGray@mstdn.social avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    LoganFive,
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @ElleGray This was posted sincerely? Not as a joke???

    the_etrain, to random
    @the_etrain@beige.party avatar

    Given my middle-ageness, I will only be using this account to complain about the sodium content of food from here on out.

    LoganFive,
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @the_etrain @LikeItOrLumpIt WTF???

    LoganFive,
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @the_etrain
    "Staff Chief of Joint Pain"

    the_etrain, to random
    @the_etrain@beige.party avatar

    It really doesn't matter how much I do in one day. I always feel like I haven't accomplished anything.

    LoganFive, (edited )
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @the_etrain
    NASA Scientist: Remotely fixes aircraft at the edge of the solar system
    Also NASA Scientist: “I didn’t do shit today.”

    I feel like it’s pretty common for everyone. I heard someone say once that we overestimate what we can get done in a day but we underestimate what we can get done in a year. Here’s hoping you feel more accomplished tomorrow, whatever that looks like for you.

    Saltssaltgirl, to random
    @Saltssaltgirl@mas.to avatar

    deleted_by_author

    •
    LoganFive,
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @Saltssaltgirl
    Why do they have air conditioned rooms and you don’t???

    LoganFive,
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    @Saltssaltgirl I’m so sorry. Do you have any kind of window to the outside from your basement? Maybe we can do a fundraiser to get you a portable AC unit. But from what I understand, they only work if you have a window to blow the hot air out of.

    LoganFive, to poetry
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    A Tree

    I kind of want to be a tree. I want to be accepted for staying where I am and just being. Not expected to become a different tree with more leaves and a “better” tree title.

    And maybe my growth is only seasonal. Maybe, sometimes, I’m just trying to survive the winter, and no one expects me to be in perpetual spring. And as my leaves color the landscape and capture your eyes, I show you there can be beauty in withering, even in death. I show you that you can still love me even when I struggle, or fail.

    And people just accept me, as a tree. As me.

    LoganFive, to random
    @LoganFive@beige.party avatar

    Can I get a 1 word suggestion please?

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • anitta
  • khanakhh
  • thenastyranch
  • Youngstown
  • hgfsjryuu7
  • slotface
  • rosin
  • InstantRegret
  • tacticalgear
  • kavyap
  • osvaldo12
  • everett
  • DreamBathrooms
  • PowerRangers
  • tester
  • magazineikmin
  • Durango
  • mdbf
  • ngwrru68w68
  • modclub
  • cubers
  • vwfavf
  • ethstaker
  • cisconetworking
  • GTA5RPClips
  • normalnudes
  • Leos
  • provamag3
  • All magazines
    •