Lumelore

Lumelore, 2 months ago

Trans woman 🏳️‍⚧️

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I feel real bad that I can’t help you with a place to stay, especially now that the arrangement you had fell through. I’m glad you got here safe though and I hope you can find a living arrangement soon! If you ever need someone to talk to I’m pretty much always available. Also if you need a reference for a job I’d be happy to help you out with that.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I meant like when the job application wants you to put people as a reference. You can lie and put me as a coworker or manager and if they call me I’ll tell them that you’re a really good worker, etc, etc.

I’m also unemployed rn so I don’t have specific job to refer you to, but whatever job you do end up finding I am comfortable with you putting me down as a reference. Just DM me whenever you need it and I’ll give you my name and number to put on the application.

Why can’t I make a post or comment under essay-length any more 🤔 🤷

I think you’re stressed out and since you don’t have anyone to talk to irl right now you’re venting in your posts/comments. Which there’s nothing wrong with that, especially given your situation. If you need someone to talk to you can DM me whenever and I’m local (I live about 45 minutes away from the cities), so if you wanted to hang out we could; maybe when you’re more stable since you’re in survival mode right now and it’s more important to focus on finding work/shelter/food right now.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I’m very happy your situation is improving. :3 Yeah it’d be nice to hang out some day!

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I don’t use it because it makes blender run at like 5 fps for some reason.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I switched to Linux a few months ago after building a new computer as I didn’t feel like paying over $100 for an OS that has ads in the start menu and spammy popups.

Almost all of my games work fine and don’t have any issues with lag. The exception is GTA V which doesn’t work at all and Sims 4 which works fine but EA’s launcher has given me a few issues.

You shouldn’t have any issues with document editing or web browsing. In my experience printing actually works better on Linux than it did for me on Windows.

If you want you could dual boot or keep an old windows system around to play games that aren’t working on Linux, but in my experience, most games, especially indie games, work just fine on Linux.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

Yeah I know. Still have to pay for license though unless you like having the activate windows watermark in the corner.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I’m really happy that you finally have a place to stay! I was really worried about you being alone out in the cold.

Also if you’re looking for free things to do during the day, the Minneapolis Institution of Art (giant art gallery) is free and also the Como Conservatory is free too. The conservatory is really nice to visit when you’re getting tired of winter.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I also subconsciously switch my voice around certain people. I can do a really good fem voice when I’m at home in my room, but as soon as I know others are listening it immediately becomes more masculine. I’m getting better at doing it around my family, but anytime I’m in public my masc voice comes out and it is so frustrating and dysphoric. I never understood why I did it, but subconsciously trying to hide that I’m trans makes sense, although I look very fem now so my masc voice really isn’t helping me.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

So far it seems that I just ignore it. The other day I was at the DMV and the lady helping me was pissed that I put female on my driver’s license application. Internally it made me sad but I tried not to express anything outwardly. Idk if that’s the best approach, but in the moment that’s what I decided to do.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

How did you try taking the dress off? When I first wore a dress I tried taking it off by taking my arms out first and the dress was too tight for that and I ripped it. Then I discovered that you actually take a dress off by picking it up from the bottom and pulling it over your head and it was much easier to take off like that and didn’t rip.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

💙💗🤍💗💙 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

For fun I asked both my sister and my mom if they could see me today, and they both looked at me weird until I told them what day it is lol

Lumelore, 2 months ago

As a born Minnesotan, I am very glad that people can come here and feel safe. That’s rough living out of your car, especially during winter; I’m happy for you that you finally got an apartment. 🎉

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I’m not the person you replied to, but I’ve lived in MN my whole life. I can say that we are definitely cheaper than the West Coast, not sure how we compare to Chicago. I did quickly check rent prices in both Minnesota and Illinois, both have a decent amount of apartments available in the $500 to $750 range but Illinois has more available, although they also have twice as many people living there. If you have any other questions I’d love to answer them.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I really wish I could help you out with a place to stay, but I’m currently a broke college student. I do live in Minnesota so if you have any questions I’d love to answer them.

I also may be able to guide you a bit. I live in a more rural area but I’m still somewhat familiar with the cities.

Lumelore, 2 months ago (edited 2 months ago)

Whenever I get dysphoric thoughts, I counteract them with euphoric thoughts, such as how happy I was when I started HRT or when I changed my name. I take pills and I still have days where I feel dysphoric and shitty although they are getting rarer.

I do get the dysphoric thoughts too about not being trans and that I’m actually just a man pretending to be a woman, but for me I think that’s part of religious trauma I have from being put in a sex separated catholic school program for most of my childhood. I think that understanding why you have dysphoric thoughts is a key part to figuring out how to conquer them. Society is very cisheteronormative, especially in rural and religious areas, which makes it easy to feel like there is something wrong with us being trans, when really there isn’t.

Idk how long it takes to work through those feelings of shame, doubt, and anxiety about who I am. I’ve been working at for years and I feel like I’ve made decent progress but sometimes bad old memories resurface and then dysphoria comes and hits me like a truck. I always use my technique of thinking of euphoric memories, which does help, although I don’t know how to make the dysphoric thoughts stop entirely.

I hope that you feel better soon! Dysphoria sucks ass.

Edit: I noticed that you recently started HRT and sometimes your brain adjusting to the new hormones can cause depression and such. I had issues like that as well until I reached about 6 months. Before that point I had a few days where I could hardly function and even exercise didn’t help.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

There are times when I’m like, “ugh, why couldn’t I have just been born as a cis woman.” But overall I like where I am in my life and I feel like being trans has given me a lot of character and I don’t want to change that. I love being trans even if it’s hard sometimes.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

Just make it obvious that you’re trans. Like on my dating profile I say that I am trans and that I am on HRT. I have the trans flag emoji in my bio also and two pictures of me with a trans flag. If they don’t know that I’m trans then that’s on them for not bothering to look at my profile for more than 1 second.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

Nvm I solved it, just had to dive a bit deeper into Google.

Solution was to run sudo apt purge wslu

Lumelore, 2 months ago (edited 2 months ago)

Something that really surprised me is that the shaft skin can secrete the same fluids as the vaginal canal. I was super confused when it first happened to me.

See on the gender dysphoria bible (You may have to scroll down to moisture and feminine oder section)

For me it didn’t happen until about 3 to 4 months but now at 8 months it doesn’t really happen to me anymore, which I don’t get.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

My biggest point of dysphoria right now is my face, especially my jawline. Most of the time when I look in the mirror I see elements of masculinity in my face which makes me really dysphoric. Some days though I do see a feminine face, so I guess that’s why I keep looking.

Lumelore, 2 months ago

I took my 5th driver’s test this morning, and fortunately I passed. I am so happy I can finally leave the countryside and go down to cities to try to get a job and friends!

Lumelore, 2 months ago

Here in Minnesota my experience has been pretty good, at least in the urban areas. Not so much in rural areas.

And I unfortunately live in a rural area though. It’s pretty much just grumpy old people here and they are extremely redneck, but they usually just ignore me. I ended up quitting my job at a small local store because there were certain people that made me feel like my life was in jeopardy every time they came in. Hot-headed extremely conservative old men that always had multiple visible guns on them, and they were always a pita to deal with.

The other thing that sucks is that ever since I realized that I’m queer I’ve had absolutely zero irl social life and that is a huge drain on me mentally. I wish I could drive to the city but the DMV here has been a hot mess ever since covid happened, although I finally got an appointment to take my test off of a cancellation. It’s my 5th try (I know) but I’m so much more confident now since starting e. Hopefully I can pass and get out of the shitty town I live in.

Lumelore, 3 months ago

Earlier in the week I went and got my taxes done and the tax lady asked me when I will make my “ultimate transformation” which I found amusing.

Then I went to the zoo. The last time I went there was about 6 years ago, which was before I realized that I am trans. I remembered seeing some parrot earrings there that I really liked, and being sad that I couldn’t wear them because of my gender. So when I went this time I looked for them, but they weren’t there anymore. However, I did get some sea turtle earrings, and that gave me a nice sense of fulfillment.

Other than that I haven’t had much else going on this week.