Susan60

Susan60, 8 hours ago to actuallyautistic

Thoroughly enjoyed and recommend this. A memoir, but relatable, funny & heartwarming. @actuallyautistic

Susan60, 20 hours ago to random

I don’t understand why remote communities haven’t already been switched to renewable local grids & batteries.

Albanese government ‘twisted’ Indigenous group’s views in document, chair says https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/article/2024/may/10/albanese-government-twisted-indigenous-groups-views-in-future-gas-document-chair-says?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

johnquiggin, 1 day ago to random

Hard to see much difference between #Labor and #LNP these days Fortunately, my local member is #Greens Elizabeth Watson-Brown, so neither will get a preference from my votes.

Susan60, 1 day ago to actuallyautistic

I’ve always been a “coper”, constantly trying to find ways to manage, to do what “needs” to be done etc, except for those periods when I was burnt out. I remember when feeling overwhelmed years ago, a counsellor helped me to see that it was possible to achieve everything that I needed to do over the next few days, as a single mum, students, part time worker. Which was great in the short term…

We got home from several days in Sydney yesterday. Monday & Tuesday we went out after spending the weekend with family, but kept it low key. Today I was supposed to head out for a counselling appointment, treating myself to a tram trip to a lovely neighbourhood & a cafe lunch afterwards. Instead she’s going to send me a link for an online session. And I might have a nap afterwards. I’m learning. Slowly.
@actuallyautistic

Susan60, 3 days ago to random

20 deg C I the gardens. Was drizzling an hour ago.

pathfinder, 3 days ago to Autism

@actuallyautistic

Much to my shock I realised that I could be autistic when I was 53, roughly 7 years ago. And it was a shock, even though I suspect a very small, well hidden and very much ignored part of me, might have suspected. No one told me about it, or suggested that it might be the case. I did not see myself in relatives, the way so many of us do. I just happened to come across an autism test online and for no particular reason, took it.

It was that, that started me on my path to realising and finally accepting the truth that I was autistic. But, looking back, I sometimes find it hard to understand how I didn't know earlier. So much of my life now, just screams autism at me. But even ignoring the horribly ableist and medieval view I had of what autism was, the main reason why I didn't was probably because I could mask, both from myself and others, so well.

It was, I realise now, a life lived in denial. A denial of how much things bothered me, how much effort I had to put into things. Even a denial of the things I knew I couldn't do. Because this is the thing about appearing to mask so well, for so long. It is, in a sense, a lie. I couldn't mask well, if at all. Not all the time. Not in all situations or circumstances. There were things I just couldn't cope with, or even begin to deal with. But the trick was, that I either knew about them, or learnt the hard way about them and then I could manage my life to avoid them. Because they were things I could live without, without affecting how I appeared to be coping. Things that didn't affect the way I lived, even if they did affect my sense of worth. Because, how broken did you have to be, not to be able to go to crowded events, like a sports match, or a concert? Or to be able to deal with the socialising of a large gathering, or a family event, without having to hide in the kitchen, or forever outside, or break down in a toilet?

It was all part of how I masked myself from myself. The internal masking, as I like to call it. If I couldn't cope, then I was broken. If I couldn't stand something, then I was too picky, or sensitive, or I simply needed to learn to ignore it. And somehow I did learn. I learnt how to cope with noise and smell and visual overwhelm. I learnt to not let things bother me. To a point at least. There was always a step too far, when I couldn't, or didn't have the energy any more to maintain it. And this did take energy, a lot of it. Something I've only realising now that I don't have the energy to spare to even try it. Or the ability to, in many respects now that I know what I was trying so desperately to hide from.

Because when the truth is known, it's far harder to deny it. It's far harder to live the life where appearing to cope, is as good as coping. Where blaming yourself, is easier than seeing others faults. Where ignoring the pain, makes the pain go away. It's hard to see the mask as a benefit and always a good thing, rather than the shield and tool it always was.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

timrichards, 4 days ago to Trains

Lunch aboard the Spirit of the Outback. What would you choose?

#Train #Trains #Lunch #Food cc @diningcar

image/jpeg

DenisCOVIDinfoguy, 5 days ago to auscovid19

Small group of scientists, clinicians call for CHO’s sacking, with shock claims of ‘let it rip’ COVID approach. By Jackie Sinnerton

@qldhealth @ShannonFentiman #COVIDisNotOver @auscovid19

Source: https://couriermail.com.au/coronavirus/small-group-of-scientists-clinicians-call-for-chos-sacking-with-shock-claims-of-let-it-rip-covid-approach/news-story/087cf90ce37adf5aca551e0ee8877e3f

A collection of respected scientists and clinicians has made an unprecedented call for the sacking of chief health officer John Gerrard. The group has made shock claims Dr Gerrard’s office adopted an “unscientific let-it rip” approach to the Covid pandemic and these policies cost lives and put many thousands of Queenslanders at risk of serious long-term illness. More than a dozen international, interstate and Queensland academics, researchers and medics have penned a letter to Premier Steven Miles and Health Minister Shannon Fentiman outlining what they claim are several false and uninformed Covid statements from Dr Gerrard that have purportedly minimised the seriousness of the virus. “He has repeatedly made public statements that are objectively untrue and which failed to reflect the substantial scientific evidence available at the time,” the letter, which was sent this week, states. A senior doctor employed by Queensland Health backs the call for Dr Gerrard to be replaced and has signed the letter. “Thanks to his downplaying of the need for basic mitigations in healthcare, we now see patients exposed to infections from staff, visitors and fellow patients, with Australian data demonstrating a 5 to 10 per cent mortality rate from hospital-acquired Covid seemingly being ignored,” the doctor said. “Dr Gerrard has used his position of authority as chief health officer to promote falsehoods about Covid such as droplet mode of transmission
Health Minister Shannon Fentiman stands by her chief health officer and credits him for keeping Queenslanders alive during the pandemic. “Queenslanders can thank both Dr John Gerrard and Dr Jeannette Young for their expertise and leadership during the pandemic. Queenslanders are alive today because of them and their actions,” Ms Fentiman said. “Dr Gerrard is a renowned clinician and continues to provide expert advice around managing Covid-19, in line with agreed national and international approaches. When he says people should get vaccinated, to test if you have symptoms, to stay home if you’re infected and to mask up when needed, I take that advice seriously and so should Queenslanders,” she said.
A Queensland Health spokesman has also rejected the claims in the letter. saying it was important to judge the state’s response to the pandemic by the results. “With more than 20 per cent of Australia’s population, Queensland has fortunately seen only 14 per cent of the nation’s Covid-19 deaths. This is one of the lowest mortality rates in the world,” he said. Dr Gerrard is on leave. Dr Alan Baxter, another registered medical practitioner, and an Emeritus Professor in Cellular and Molecular Biology at James Cook and Monash Universities signed the letter and told The Courier-Mail that Dr Gerrard’s position is one of great responsibility which affects the welfare and longevity of most people in the state. “His recent announcements trivialising and dismissing long Covid, for example, has left many people — and not just in Australia — wondering. In most occupations, this would be more than enough to trigger review of performance; in a position of this nature,” Dr Baxter said. The academic who is living with multiple sclerosis, claims policies adopted by the CHO’s office failed to protect people at high risk of death and disability. Dr Baxter’s view and the views of all signees are entirely their own and not the view of associated institutions. Dr Gerrard was appointed chief health officer for Queensland Health in December 2021. He was the long-term director of Infectious Diseases at the Gold Coast Hospital.

Susan60, 6 days ago to actuallyautistic

My thoughts exactly. The private school I worked in was better (& expensive!) but only because the atmosphere was generally calmer, & kids less inclined to bully. (I think this is often due to generally lower levels of finance related family stress & angst, not because more privileged kids are in any way “nicer”.) Some autistic kids have higher levels of tolerance (I’m an example) but that doesn’t mean that they’re doing better than merely “coping”.

And if we start “streaming” autistic kids for their “suitability” for mainstream schools, we could end up with a distinction between “high functioning” kids who are simple better at coping & masking but not necessarily any “smarter”, & those with greater sensory needs, some of whom might thrive in smaller, quieter classes &/or with more support. @actuallyautistic

To the parents of school-aged children with disabilities: it’s not your fault https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/commentisfree/article/2024/may/03/australian-schools-education-system-children-with-disability-support-ndis-review?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Catlynn, 6 days ago (edited 6 days ago) to random

Tiny Overlord says enjoy your weekend!

Susan60, 7 days ago to random

Off to Sydney today. Lots of Jetstar reminders about our 12.25 flight. Get to departure gate - hour delay. 😡

everyday_human, 7 days ago to weightroom

Mental Health #actuallyautistic
@actuallyautistic

Reflective moment.
POV
Im going to try to explain something I never have said entirely.

I am a self learner, autodidact.

I try extremely hard not to assume things about people.

Why they do the things they do?
I personally know I’m not all that special.

Unique maybe.

I do have a desire for accuracy.

My version of extreme sports is learning the basics of difficult sciences that explains how the world works.

I’m not good at standard formulas.
I Frankensteined my own that get me by to survive.
Probabilistic math.

I don’t have a love for proving people wrong.

However I do enjoy getting constructive criticism that’s meaninful and helpful.

I’m an observer and a listener at a whole different level.

I don’t enjoy being right or about things.

It’s actually painful!
Why?

Well because in most situations I drill into my head not to assume things not to infer things.

So when I am right, it means I could have maybe helped someone when I didn’t but I wasn’t confident about my ability.

It also maybe means I wasted precious moments of my life figuring something out only to doubt myself. Humility

Alas I was born like this.

I have a very vivid lucid memory. Apparently it’s immersive eidetic. Which is even more of a burden. Nearly completely lucid recall even if I don’t want it.

I hear this often:

“Wow I wish I could remember verbatim like you do”

For me it’s like never being able to forget things, never to be free of pain, never be simply oblivious, sure I can act that way.

Guess what my brain still remembers!!!😭

I have had to struggle, to know the whys of everything, to every thought I’ve ever had. I’ve had alot of thoughts.

I fight with myself, to find and break l my walls and keep my mind open , all my sensory, all my icks, all my ews I’ve had to learn how to deal with them

I’ve conditioned myself over a lifetime
.
How to accept it and normalize it.

Laughing can be a coping mechanism I think in most humans.

Pretty sad when you have to learn microbiology to learn how we are basically mostly living in clean dirt and dirty dirt.

Life within life.

Symbiosis.

Every fear I’ve had to face alone, like we all do, all fears in mind

I can sit it a cemetery on Halloween and have no fear of ghosts or demons, I can fall 😴
I have my own ghosts that are far scarier. 👻
My memories of my own life.

The longer I live the longer I battle it doesn’t get any easier for me. Although
I am still Alive! 🫣

I’ve delved(not A bot or written by ai) into every facet of science to learn how to normalize everything.

I did this even before I realized I was autistic, I knew I was different.

Quite honestly for awhile my imposter syndrome I semi I questioned my own sanity. Was I delusional?

I guess in some ways that protected me as well.

It causes me to triple rethink every thought I think.

I stayed grounded. Conserve energy know when to use it. Timing
Action or lack of action will change the outcome.

Oh and that memory that everyone wants that recall, makes you feel like you’re crazy btw.

When everyone else remembers through thier world view.

I remember through every lens I can see it at the time and every lens I acquire as I expand my world view constantly adding to my updated schema.

Often time people use me as translator to what people mean.
More then once I’ve been asked to read people for people.

I don’t like it.

I reply I’m confident with x amount of accuracy but I could be wrong.

Do most people think in Confidence Intervals?

I am likely biased. I know
I tell people this even though i can pretty accurate about other people in my life I see.
I remain situationally aware.

I’m choose mostly to say silent and mind my own business.

I’ve grown to know myself fairly well, a work in progress I guess.

I dislike being me.

I do love life though with every ounce of my being despite the pain.

I try with what time I have left to advocate for education and acceptance of those who are marginalized and suffer because of ignorance and stigma.

I wish I could wish away my ability, I dislike the highly functional part. I dislike being viewed as better off when I’m truly not. I feel fucking cursed.

The stress and pressure and anxiety is killing me.

When people fight, grow learn and change you notice. You wonder why they didn’t get the version update.

“I didn’t change they will say”.

Debating whether they did or not is usually not worth the effort.

That isn’t the only curse, this savantish type of ability makes me feel alone in a world of billions of people.
I know I am not.
You can talk and explain until your dead yet others may fully get you.

I thought when I was younger. I wonder if I could train my brain like a computer!

I would challenge myself on accuracy of rough off the cuff calculations.

I thought if I remained situationally adaptive and objective and humble and just learned a little more, listened a little more, worked a lot more I could actually manage my own mind.
That was wishful magical thinking 🤔

Turns out I think I did become more accurate.

Again this is impossible right?

To what scale exactly?
I don’t know
To have a basic mechanistic understanding of everything I learn and how it maybe connected to every other cog through different frames.

A liquid pretending to be a solid

Then there’s the devils advocate.

There’s people who have it worse. Some people don’t have these gifts yet have the same deficits or worse than me.

Unless you live in my head you don’t know how much I suffer 😭Do you?
I know that as well and that is even more painful as I know many have it worse.

Does it make my pain less?

No, it doesn’t bring me comfort or feel better, for they seems is too many.

It brings to me compassion and humility.

I swear some people find people find comfort in knowing some have it worse.

News is classed as entertainment blown out of context for engagement.

Social media polarization? Engagement.

Did you get the update we became the product for AI training?
We are the product in a capitalistic merit based economy.
Did you get that update?

Framing is important. Don’t understand change your lens.

How does it make you feel better that there are people out there starving or being violent or mean to one another?

Does it distract you from your own life?
Not me, it compounds mine, ediditic memory.

Everytime I hear someone say , eww this isn’t good enough or too this or too that, it saddens me. I picture people dying of starvation.

Water is yucky?
I have images in my video memory of people in countries not so lucky without clean water and getting diseases and lead or shit in their drinks.

Do you still want my memory or awareness. I’m biased and flawed.
It’s far from perfect, I am human like everyone else. I don’t know much. With every fiber of my being I try to remain objective.

I realize autism adhd ptsd rsd pda hits everyone differently.

I know we have all our preferences and routines and they bring us comfort.

Nature= You and me.
a part of everything even if minuscule.

I see you out in the wild, not intentionally. I swear most of the time I don’t want to know but my brain seems to save it. Unless it’s occupied with something.

However I try to enjoy the simple things like acorns birds,cats,plants, clouds, stars art, and most importantly MUSIC.

I’ve never felt more connected to everything yet so alone. It’s so incredibly lonely.

I just want anyone to know who read this. I am not what I appear. I’m just like you.

Perhaps it will bring some soul comfort and understanding.

It’s pretty much my only hope in writing this.
Perhaps it makes it more real for me.

The funny part is I can’t force myself to memorize.

Even with this recall, I cannot seem to remember my own shit, I guess my mind is trained on the world most of the time while also trying to be present in the moment.

I will admit a knat has more of l attention span than me.

I have far too many faults to judge others.
I’ve made far far far too many mistakes.
When I was younger I thought I was invincible and had shit figured out.
I understood survival, people were a mystery.

I’m a childhood trauma survivor

I am sorry if I seemed a like an asshole.

I didn’t healthily express my displeasure at times when I was overwhelmed.

I didn’t know how and I didn’t know if anyone actually could understand. I still don’t.
•

I’m sorry for seeming like I don’t care about your problems. I do!

I’m sorry.
I truly am.

As bad as my luck may seem to me. For some reason I’m alive at the moment.
I also have tachycardia most likely from hypervigelence and my anxiety which is tough.

#Exercise

I don’t know how to solve all my own problems. I try always

#Therapy helps. Medicine helps. Less stress is the best.

#Kindness,self care. #Writing
Community.

I’m not being critical, judgemental of anyone else I’m genuinely asking, is this easy/difficult to read?

I’m explaining how my mind works.

Often people use me to remember accurately and fight their battles for them.
Why?
I can see through most masks.
I can see something even if I don’t know what it is then my mind uses some inference to give me possibilities.
Too many far too many!
Sort function sure.

Then with all this, can I even be truly loved if I can never be understood?

In the right frame.

I could be wrong. There’s too much to know. That I know for sure.
Are other people like me?

Do they not understand how it affects them?

Do they feel like they didn’t have a voice which diminished their emotional capacity or was a voice for others? Or is it Alexithima? Likely

I spent a lifetime trying to interpret human behavior. My own included.

Most of my life I was so confused litterally. I somehow emerged from the other end of the tunnel since childhood wondering why

I was audhd dx 2022.

Mostly I found out why.

Perhaps they can’t remember. . They are battling for thier life the best they can.😔 I wrote this to maybe see if anyone else knows what this is like.Maybe someone else will find this helpful. You aren’t alone!
♾️🧬❤️

LehtoriTuomo, 11 days ago to actuallyautistic

I read about auditory processing difficulties a week or so ago. References mentioned difficulty of processing spoken instructions as one symptom. I thought that I don't have such difficulty.

This weekend, my spouse told about how she and the dog have now practiced walking on the same side of the path instead of the dog going everywhere. I asked how they have done it. She explained her three point procedure, at which point I said it sounds complicated.

Another heureka moment for me! The procedure certainly wasn't difficult. It was the number of points. For me, two points would've been ok, the third point caused my brain to give a "can not process" error message. Turns out I do have difficulties in processing oral instructions.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

EVDHmn, 11 days ago to fun

What’s everyone listening today for their Sunday or Monday morning on the other side of the globe?

Boost for reach?

Does anyone have a goto playlist for fun? Any upbeat or soulful playlists the speak to your heart?

I’m in the mood for something different maybe some others would like to share some playlists for any occasion?

#musicsocial
#indie_playlists
#fun
@actuallyautistic
#socialmedia
#dance
Please add other hashtags if you know of any!
Pls and thanks I appreciate you!

theaardvark, 11 days ago to Autism

#Autism #ADHD #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic
How does everyone know how, when and how much they're masking?
As a late-diagnosed #AuDHD, I struggle to differentiate between "me but masking" and "me but in a diff situation".
Now that I know I'm autistic, I even miss the person I used to be in some situations before I knew.
I used to call myself a "social chameleon" - I just changed automatically to suit the circumstances.
But who actually am I and what is just a mask?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

LehtoriTuomo, 15 days ago to actuallyautistic

Discussed my quest for understanding my neurotype with my colleague who asked whether I've thought of getting a formal diagnosis.

"No, I haven't", I replied, "as I don't see what would be the benefit in it."

I'm coping quite well and I believe the new emerging understanding is going to help me find solutions to certain problems I encounter.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic