madam__mayhem

girlonthenet, 4 months ago to random

I’m home! I absolutely adore my family and I’ve had such a lovely Christmas but holy fuck it’s so lovely to be home! It’s so cosy and quiet and empty and quiet and chill and quiet and omg I want to cry with the joy of it 😭😍 I’m so lucky holy fuck. Gonna go buy milk then run a bath and get gently stoned and roll around on my huge soft empty bed ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

In my slut era…as I masturbate for the third time today.

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

All I want for Christmas is a girlfriend.

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

I’m a slut in theory. Could other people please get their shit together so I can be a slut in reality too?

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

https://madam-mayhem.com/2023/12/11/mayhems-2023-wrapped/

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

I’m not sure I have any talking stages left in me.

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

Fucking men.

Or not, as the case seems to be.

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

December pro: The gym is quiet.

December con: Not getting laid.

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

Is there any greater ick than a man referring to women as ‘females’?

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

People who masturbate in the shower, how do you overcome the guilt of wasting water to reach orgasm?!

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

https://madam-mayhem.com/2023/11/25/my-hope-for-men/

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

Do I like him? Or am I just ovulating?

madam__mayhem, 5 months ago to random

Movember is almost over for the year and I’ve yet to sit on a moustached face.

madam__mayhem, 6 months ago to random

Relationship status:

In long term polyamorous relationships with coffee, the gym and my vibrators.

madam__mayhem, 6 months ago to random

I’m coining a new acronym for the dating apps…

DAQ = Doesn’t Ask Questions

It’s a sackable offence.

madam__mayhem, 6 months ago to random

In case you thought I was some sexy cougar fantasy…in the last few hours I’ve spilt a snack box over myself, said wet nider (net wider) and put my hoodie on backwards. So yeah.

madam__mayhem, 6 months ago to random

I’ve decided I’m going to smile and flirt with all of my gym crushes…and see which ones are brave enough to ask me out…

madam__mayhem, 6 months ago to random

Sorry I couldn’t answer your call, I was wanking.

madam__mayhem, 6 months ago to random

Always keep them guessing…

madam__mayhem, 6 months ago to Halloween

Torture Garden Halloween Ball time… #halloween #devil #milf #cougar #lingerie #boots #fishnets #kink #torturegarden