What are some humorous quotes/life advice that would be funny to see embroidered on a throw pillow?

I’ve been wanting to get some humorous quotes embroidered on my throw pillows, and I’ve only got a short list so far. It’s easiest and cheapest to get them all done at once, so I’m trying to come up with a list of about 10-15 to select from before I send them off. Ideally, they’d be vaguely “life advice” but...