At some point when I kept saying no, there wasn’t much room left for manipulative tactics exploiting my emotional bond. This was at the end of our relationship, where I started to figure out that I was taken use of. I spend thousands and a lot of time on the relationship, while my happiness drained faster than my bank account. I started to realise what was happening to me, took off the pink glasses, and so I started to say no. Which was apparently of the same magnitude of exploding nuclear bombs. Things got mental really fast. I had to just assume that it was fake threats, and if it wasn’t, not my fault.
I had an ex pressure me real hard to get an apartment with her so she could move out of her mom’s house. When I was apprehensive she started tanking her relationship with her mom, starting fights over extremely small issues, and then pointing at those fights as reason that she needed to move out immediately.
When I still didn’t drop everything to cohabitate, she moved to a town an hour away and started pressing me to borrow a car or hitch a ride to go visit her (my vehicle can’t do more then half an hour on the highway without overheating). The first and only time I went I had gotten a ride intending to spend the night. She was at work when I got there so I cleaned up some trash and had dinner delivered.
I don’t have a great memory of what all happened when she got home, but I ended up having a panic attack during which she was very intently pressing me to admit that something was my fault. After what felt like hours she abruptly grabbed her keys and left without saying anything about where or why she was going. I had to call my mom for a ride because no one else was answering.
Ex returned before my mom got there, apparently she was “giving me some space” and was now angry that I didn’t appreciate it. The next day I got a short-story-length text from her asserting that I needed to apologize for “freaking out over nothing”.
I reckon this wasn’t even really the worst thing, per se. But it was the last thing, so it sticks out a lot in my mind. Somewhere I have a folder filled with screenshots of the worst of the emotional abuse/manipulation. It’s easy to forget the unsavory parts of someone you loved once. You have to keep a record so you don’t get used.
I’ve had an extremely physically abusive ex sign up for things under my name, leaving me to fight to have to cancel it. Even had to get a case number with this person.
I’ve had a teacher who tried to fail me for no other reason than they didn’t like my opinion on a project despite I was the only student who finished that project while everyone bailed for no other reason than it was summer.
I’ve had ex friends who would emotionally abuse me for no reason other than they were emotionally fucked up people like: Take off in the middle of the party pretend to be upset.didn’t tell us where she went. Try to call them. They wouldn’t return the call for 4 days leaving everyone worried about them. They were completely fine. They played the ‘im just an introvert’ bullshit. I know it’s bullshit cuz I am introvert and that’s not what introvert does nor is it an excuse. This asshole went on to do more shit like invite people she knew I had issues with expecting us to fight so she could be entertained fucking around with people. Luckily the other person caught on what was going on so we just played nice. We both felt used. She pulled the ‘I’m not picking sides’ which is picking sides. She did this to both of us I’m sure. The last straw was her involvement when I had been seeing a guy which ended badly. he was kind of an asshole and I was fresh out of a long term anyways and figured it was too soon anyways. So we just never called each other again and moved on. He started seeing one of her friends. But then would show up in my neighborhood and it felt like he was following me. Would show up to parties my own friends were having and my own department parties and ask about me, wondering when I’d arrive(we worked at same company but entirely different depts). When I told her I felt uneasy about him and felt a bit stalked she dismissed me. Told me he was not into me. I never spoke again to her after that. She was a wreck herself anyways. Kept hitting on one of my other friends who was feeling a bit creeped out by her. And dated a guy who was cheating on his girlfriend with her. Then he saw yet another woman…whom she got jealous of but…anyways… glad I just moved away from that shitshow.
I had one ex friend who cried in computer class who was being bullied whom I thought I’d help out. They took the side of the bully and they both turned on me.
I could go on but there isn’t really a point to it. I learned some important stuff from this. Like boundaries. To watch and wait before jumping in to help. To observe other people for longer before trusting. To observe other people and their intent better.
But what was really important for me was to seek out the better people to surround myself with. They are out there. dwelling on this kind of bullshit serves nothing more than to overlook, distract from counting the good people in my life. Con artists are everywhere so don’t give them too much of your time and don’t let them live in your head free of rent. And don’t take up a reservation for resentment. Then all the good people get missed. Focus on the good ones. Don’t take them for granted.it’s real easy to turn into an asshole and not realize it when you start taking that for granted. So remember the good. Make it an intention.
Ex used me for my money. She would expect me to pay for a lot of stuff and while there were times where we’d split the bill, it wasn’t that often.
Our 3 year on/off relationship wasn’t intimate at all. At first it was because she was trying to shield her parents and patients (she worked as a nurse) from COVID, but even after lockdowns were over and society began to heal things didn’t really change.
When I say on/off, I was ghosted out of the blue once and was randomly blocked by her on all socials. She never even got back in touch until over a year later and I foolishly bought her explanation about being seriously depressed and suicidal.
The last straw that made me break things off for good was when she begged and begged me to come on vacation with her and other colleagues, only to then turn incredibly toxic after I financially committed. It left me a choice of either salvaging a holiday to Santorini into a solo trip or being about £1k out of pocket from non refundable flight and accommodation fees. I chose the former…
Mine is; forcing me to have sex with him twice when I had Norovirus and had JUST stopped the vomiting and diarrhea like 12 hours tops beforehand. His words “Well let me just use you” (to get off being the implication). Then he got Norovirus and made me take him to the ER and acted like an infant.
Don’t ever tie your finances to someone who will wreck them and trap yourself forever is all I can say. Not worth it just to not be alone.
My exfather deliberately cooked food I didn’t like to prove I actually like it and just do it for attention. He’s a trained chef. It started when I was three and only stopped when I moved out and stopped eating his meals.
My last ex was becoming increasingly verbal and even physically abusive. I broke up with her months ago when she laid her first hands (and a broom) on me. Since then, she tried to contact me throughout all the social media and even email while still running the smear campaign mill. I blocked her everywhere, tried to contact me through a friend (who saw through her bullshit and started spying for me instead - only for any hurtful stuff that may come my way) and even tried to unsuccessfully hack my fb, Yahoo and (even if she didn’t know it, maybe from the “Forgot Password” prompt) my Outlook accounts. Even yesterday she sent me a degrading and triggering message from an old account of her that I forgot it existed. I’m going to the psychologist tomorrow to seek more healing support
I’ll chip in. I had dropped out of college due to realizing the program wasn’t for me and had to move back in with my mom.
I had a bad habit of forgetting to lock the door, so to retaliate, she took all of my most expensive electronics and stashed them away, but claimed they were stolen (technically they were by her). This included my laptop with a full year of college work, which was mostly art that I cared a lot about.
I found out a year later from my dad that the whole family knew, but she demanded they keep it a secret. When I confronted her, she told me she had thrown it all in the garbage because at the time, I questioned if it was her that did it. Some totally backwards logic there.
R telling me she was on birth control, I guess thinking it’d keep me around if we had a kid, then when our kid was age 4 she said she had cancer and disappeared for several months. Turns out she never had cancer and just said that so I wouldn’t think poorly of her for abandoning her child to run off with a guy in another state. …Her child that she was barely present for anyway.
D getting me to empty my 401k to buy a house as an investment property for “our” retirement, only for her to keep it in the divorce. I could have pushed for it to be sold and gotten at least some of my money back, but she would have put up such a fight that I’d have spent in attorney’s fees as much as I would have won from the sale, so it wasn’t worth the fight to me, and she knew that.
What’d I learn from these? Not a whole lot, it turned out: my next relationship wasn’t much better. But at least I figured out to end that one before it got TOO too deep.
Was going to write about an ex, but I think I’ll talk about my parents. I went away to college, first year, first semester. Winter break come around and I’m planning on coming home to spend christmas with my family for a week or two, stay in my bedroom, etc. I arrive home for the first time since the beginning of the semester, and … my bedroom is gone. My parents remodeled the house while I was away and they extended the living room by knocking out my bedroom. They never even asked me about it, told me anything, I just found out I have no place to come back to once I walked through the front door. That sort of brazen rejection as a teenager… it fucked me up.
I never went home much after that because it wasn’t home anymore. Then I came out and things deteriorated even more. I wasn’t allowed to tell my siblings (I’m the oldest) and I wasn’t allowed to be alone with them. Nowadays I don’t talk to my dad and I text my mom Merry Christmas once a year.
Hey just so you know, myself and the rest of the world with the most baseline levels of empathy give you 100% permission to talk and be around anyone you so choose…not that you need the permission to begin with.
One of my former supervisors told me I was not meeting expectations, but he was willing to work through it with me. We made a PDP(Personal Development Plan) on which I worked hard for a couple months, getting good feedback all the time. When the plan was done we had a final meeting to conclude it and see where I stood. He spent almost an hour telling me how happy he was with my progress and how I exceeded the goals we had set, only to then pull the carpet from under me, telling me how he was in talks with another manager and that he was kicking me off the team. It’s been over a year now and I still haven’t recovered from that.
Yeah, a Buddy of mine still works under him and is now in a series of talks with HR about this supervisors assessment of his performance. Getting told how your work was “greatly exceeding” expectations but then only getting an “exceeds” in your appraisal, so you won’t get a raise and gaslighting my buddy when being asked about it. They then apologized and offered him 5% more, which he found insulting. He’s now doing the minimum and started updating on his CV
Perhaps ironically to the title of this question, the most manipulative thing ever done to me might be to lower the bar of what counts as “manipulative”, enough they can accuse me of doing it, and then talk about it as a part of their hate for me for years on end. When I hear the word, I think of a myriad of different parts and pieces that make up the modus operandi of what many might call a manipulative person. I might be unconventional if it helps somehow, but I’d never betray what could be called courtesy. This is in contrast to many people who dislike me and would point to me and say doing so much as going by a different nickname (my full birth name has many variants) depending on the setting I’m in falls under the wholly “manipulative” umbrella, and these are the same people who are known to go so far as reverse an account of what happened when needed, saying that I in turn am not to be trusted with the privilege of making a case for myself in the way courts are designed because they say privately to those who they want to cut off from me that it’s me who would do that or would rig the game through aggression or psychology, which becomes more frustrating when I am the side with better proof, proof which, even if undeniable and even if situated right before their eyes, they will deny the existence or validation of, either because of everything I mentioned or because of such a large humanly innate hatred towards some real or perceived aspect about me that they will consider me inherently and irreversibly uncredible. Which in turn forces me to be more unconventional as the conventions have been rigged, which in turn feeds into the perception more that I fall under the “manipulative” umbrella, ad infinitum, with them often saying I am the grandexception to “you all are valid” or “everyone has value” as a result of all of this.
This has been going on for a decade, since before I was even an adult, sometimes in school/society/communicating with others. With me as well with the few people I consider permanently close to me, sometimes by contagion or sometimes because they think they are coordinated or synonymous with me. I have self-reflected a lot as a result, and ironically, in response to this self-reflection, those who criticize me (or those who don’t as of then-yet) criticize me more saying I’ve become cold and calculating because the self-reflection has given what I do more of a mind and less of an intuition. When I seek console, I predominantly either get those in similar issues who nevertheless, or I get those who to my face offer “tough love” words but then are spoken to by the adversaries, right before, almost comically (in a tragic way) on a routine basis, devote undying loyalty to them based on their impliedpromises, as if they hadn’t just told me it was nobody’s business and used this as a basis to simply shoo my worries, with me saying to those who say it builds character that, if immorality builds morality, it is any wonder you value morality in the first place. They say trying to be the game changer opens people up, and to be the change I wish to be in the world, but I have tried being the better woman whenever someone is blind to the idea that they might be called to help others such as me in a similar situation to them, and they never open up, with the few individuals who have been by my side falling victim to divide and conquer, with many of them having psychological dilemmas in life that makes them all incompatible with each other. And conversely, when I dismiss them and other forms of the downtrodden, who are accustomed more to tend for themselves, I am accused of being hypocritical, for if I am in a situation similar to theirs, why should I be justified in not being there for them or for saying their own parallel issues are not supported by me? Even apologetically accepting the aura of being looked down upon is perceived as grounds to be criticized, often with it being said “she doesn’t even deny it, so she MUST be guilty”, let alone asking what makes for good acceptance of responsibility. And so, while awaiting help to arrive that might never come, because common sense has revealed itself to be a greater disease than anything considered neurodivergent, I go it alone, all while being mocked for this, them saying that me going it alone means there must be a reason I have no companions.
TLDR: The most manipulative thing done to me is to cast me into how I imagine public relations in Hell is like, or a living version of it.
I had some good news and wanted to see my good friend to celebrate but she was going through some shit and broke, so I said I'd lend her some cash so that she could come to a gig with me.
She turned up, I gave her the money, AND bought the first round. Before she'd finished her first drink she said she felt unwell and wanted to go home, fine, shitty but fine, no bands had even come on yet but shit happens, I took her home and went home myself.
Then the next day I found out it was all a scam, she'd just wanted the money to buy drugs. She never had any intention to stay and she left when she did as she'd pre booked her dealer.
A former close friend kept me (f) around as a backup plan while she waited for her ex to “stop dating other people” so they could get back together. It fucked me up bad when I learned about it since we were REALLY close otherwise, basically a LTR in all but name. It sent me into a downward spiral that took years to recover.
I cut her out of my life after she showed up unannounced at an address I never gave her to tell me they got engaged.
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